Dad looking after baby?

[nickilubs]

When our LO is born we have decided the best situation for us is for me to carry on with work and my OH to stay and look after are baby. I would obviously love to stay at home but one of us has to work and at the moment I can earn a better wage and I am in a job but due to my OHs Aspergers he has found it difficult to find suitable work.


Now I will breast feed and will express milk, I have a very understanding boss and she knows that some days I may not feel like I am up to coming into work and for me the important thing is that my baby is safe and will be being well looked after I feel that a strong bond with its father is just as important as a strong bond with me I know this is not always possible for some family's but as it is with ours then I would like this for us.

But so far everyone I have told have really criticized it my parents haven't and neither have my OH's because they understand the situation we are in. Thing is the ones that have said that it should be me that stays home have made me feel as though I am being selfish for going back too work. I want to be at home with my baby as much as any mum would but it just isn't possible. And when ever anyone critisizes I can never think of what too say back.

Is it really that wrong for me to go back to work after having a baby?

 

[Beatlesfan]

Hi Gingercubes

I too am going back full time in 3 months and my OH will be looking after LO while I work. We aim to co-parent in Oct when he returns to Uni 1 day a week so again he will have LO for 4 days, majority of time.

I firmly believe that LOs need quality time with their dads, wher possible. For us, we have no choice but for me to go back FT initially but I trust OH with LO and I know he will offer LO different experiences and opportunities as he is different to me. Our ultimate aim is to co-parent equally so we both work PT then it doesn't all fall on one of us to earn money or be at home, we get to do both.

But... having said that we are open to different options as circumstances will inevitably change. If it suits us (£ly) for me to work and earn the most then OH will stay at home, or vice versa.

As for your OH, if you trust him and know he will do you and your LO proud, then go for it. If people ask, just say something like, as parents and a couple we discussed it and at the moment with our circumstances it is best for me to work full time and LO to be with her dad while I am at work and then rattle on about how wonderful it will be for you all. Don't worry about saying how you would like to be at home with LO cos that's your business and you know you have to go back. That may give those that re so judgemental more fuel to make you feel guilty.

Is it because your OH has Aspergers that people think you should be at home? That is quite discriminatory if so... I don't know your OH's individual needs, but I am aware of ASD & Aspergers as I work with children and young people with ASD/Aspergers and I know that they have many strengths... like establishing routine and order, excellent memory, eye for detail, sometimes good abilities in language/maths/art/music etc. and they are bloomin good attributes for being responsible for a child and being a parent who looks after LO at home FT.

I know a couple of dads who would make a better parent (and enjoy it more) than the mum if they stayed at home.. and I think it's sad that they don't have the choice, cos the dad earns more...

I haven't had too much of a bad response from people. I have always been career orientated and also we have to do it this way as OH is student. My parents were a bit negative about OH returning to education at first and going on about how he could be earning money etc. and I was "keeping him" and it should be other way round.. but I stuck to my guns and said... this works for us.. times have changed.

Good luck to you. If it is what works for you go for it! Make the most of your maternity leave (I am) LO will benefit from both parents having such a major role in their life. for you, don't let them get you down...x

 

[rachie29]

I will be returing to work full time in July and OH will go part time and do the majority of the childcare during the week. LO will also do 1 day at nursery and probably half a day with MIL (although I am getting less keen on that idea)

I earn the higher wage so it makes sense for me to go back to work, plus LO is still with one of her parents for most of the week then. I truly believe that is more important that baby is well looked after, loved and cared about no matter which parent it is.

In an ideal world I would be a full time mum, but that aint happening just yet!

 

[amzhunny]

You are very lucky to be able to have one parent stay home look after LO...at the end of the day its your LO's dad just as important as mum so any time together is brilliant.

Amber has to go into childcare 4 days and 1 day with her auntie, i wish my OH was in a position to look after her but it isn't happening!

ignore the criticisms, unfortunately we still in the main live in a world where the mum is expected to look after LO's.....!

 

[Krystal]

IMO being parents is an equal partnership so it shouldn't matter who is staying home, it's fantastic that one of you can. Forget what other people say, some people just can't keep their mouth shut. If I was in your position i'd do exactly the same

 

[leckershell]

IMO being parents is an equal partnership so it shouldn't matter who is staying home, it's fantastic that one of you can. Forget what other people say, some people just can't keep their mouth shut. If I was in your position i'd do exactly the same

as above

no experience here but i'd do the same as you and wouldn't expect any criticism for it.

daddychris in the dads section looks after their LO too, not full time admittedly but its good to see it is done by other families too x

http://www.pregnancyforum.co.uk/forum/v ... hp?t=55009

 

[Fiona]

My Dh and I run our own business.... we both do very different jobs within the business and both need to keep working at it.

We now both work 3 days per week each, some weeks it is 3 whole days each, other weeks it might be 6 half days each........ the other 3 days we take turns to look after Grace.........

I would have loved to have stayed at home and looked after Grace but that would have meant shutting the business, something we couldn't have afforded to do.

This situation works out so well for us... we both love being at home with Grace. I would say that my dh is as good with Grace as I am, he washes her, chooses her clothes to wear (although I must say that sometimes she looks like a rainbow ) feeds her and plays with her...and she gets lots of kisses and cuddles ..

Don't feel bad about your situation... Dads are as good as looking after babies as Mums........ when I get home at night and see Daddy and Grace rolling around on the floor together laughing their heads off... I feel overwhelmed with love for them both......... and I know that all is well with the world !!!

 

[daddychris]

Hi Gingercubes. My wife and I have been sharing looking after LO since November ( I'm off three days, Andrea two). It has been the best thing that we have done. Ever, well apart from having Charlotte I supose. When people have asked about Andrea going back to work after three months they have sometimes looked funny at me, but them when you tell them about the win win situation (we both get to spend lots of quality time with LO, she gets at least one parent all of the time) People then look and say what a good idea why didn't we think about doing that. The one problem I have found is that being a man, people think that I am playing at being a stay at home parent or its just a tempory thing until OH finishes for good.
I really enjoy the time I spend with Charlotte, some Mum and Toddler groups can be a bit cliquey but we just don't go back and find another!
I would reccommend our situation to anyone. Good luck!!!!