crashing....

[Slinky Sarah]

i think i need help or something....i can feel all these emotions building up and building up inside me and i cant let them out...im scared what will happen. They are starting to come out little by little....im angry all the time and snappy. Like today i got so pissed off cos i couldt get any converse trainers that i wanted! Iv lost my appatite again...ill eat just for the sake of it if i know it will make OH eat or make him happy and when i do eat it is utter crap. I am tired all the time...iv been sleeping for a couple of hours in the evening then going to bed about 11 and like yesterday and today when i have been off work iv slept a good 4 hours in the afternoon and i could go to sleep again now Im also still wanting to cut myself (please dont judge me).
I cant let these emotions out and i cant talk to OH...he needs me to be strong right now, hes hurting more than i am...iv done this before i need to cope and handle it...No one knows about it except you on here and me and him oh and also his best mate but he cant talk to him because his dad tried killing himself And he cant talk to me cos he cant get his words out about how he feels I could just cry at the drop of a hat right now...and i just need to be with OH all the time but he just wants to be alone most of the time.
i know im heading for a massive crash and burn but i just cant handle dealing with it all...in 3 weeks iv cried onl a handful of times...i just wish i could let m emotions out a little at a time but i know i cant do that.

TBH i dont know why im writing all this down, it probably makes no sense but i dont have any friends (sad i know) other than the ones iv made on here like Mel, Shell, Tracy, sarah and Sara and i just hate bugging them and everyone else really with feeling like shit and moaning

IM sorry everyone

 

[fran_23]

Hi hun, i hope your feeling a bit better after having written down how you are feeling..maybe write it on paper and read it back..its gonna be hard like this you are feeling loss, and a whole range of emotions..you can get through it babes be strong..i have never cut myself but i have had the real urge to..its like a big build up of emotions and frustration and the need to release it makes you want to self harm..so you need to do something else to get it out!!
thats why i suggested writing it down..could you go for a run or something?? i'm no good at advice just wanted to give some hugs i really hope your ok xx

 

[Slinky Sarah]

thanks for your reply hun....tbh i dont know if it has made me feel better or not really....i text OH and he asked how i was...i told him i felt a bit upset and finding it hard to be alone right now etc and he hasnt replied....cant help think he feels im being annoying and hes sick of me
suppose i could go for a walk or something...i would go for a drive but i need to have somewhere to go and i dont know where.

 

[fran_23]

hun i'm sure he isn't feeling like that..there could be any reason why he hasn't replied yet...maybe you should go for a walk do some deep breathing and try to clear your head. xx

 

[tracey 2]

hey hun

now whats all this about your not going to bug us hey i for one is that what im here for anytime of the day or night you just call or text or i can call you you know that nayway and im sure the other girls will say the same. i am your friend and like so may of the girls on will always e here and support you ok,

right ok no one is going to judge you ok i know what you mean bout you feel like cutting yourself but please dont ok i gave in too easily but your stronger ok even if you had to do what i did the other day i blew up lots of ballons and sat there crazy just bursting them all dont know if will help you or something similar but maybe give it try its good release.

when all these emotions, thoughts and feelings start buring themselves in you just feels like your drowning or trapped in a hole and the only way to stop it is to let them out, i know easier said than done, are you seeing a counsellor or someone at moment? it may help x

you say you have done it before and coped you wont believe me when i say you will again but in time not right now but in time it will get easier i promise you that.

you knwo where i am if you want to chat anyway ok

 

[tuck]

could you not tell your family whats happened?, at least you could then talk to them and not feel you have to shut yourself away in your room all the time.

have you seen this website, there may be someone in your area that you can contact

http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.u ... /index.htm

I do hope that the 2 of you can work through this

 

[Slinky Sarah]

thanks for the link tuck...i actually emailed them the other day and they gave me some information and stuff but i had it all from last time...

I know it sounds stupid but i feel like i cant tell my parents. My mum fell ill with the last one and they didnt know we were TTC so i dont know how they will take it and i dont think OH will be happy about me telling them. I would love to tell my brother and SIL but i just darent.

I dont know maybe i do need councilling but i just feel like i need to hold everything together for the sake of the OH. Im kinda thinking along the lines of if i dont think/talk about it it never happened...stupid i know.

Still no word from OH yet...i really think i have annoyed or upset him im gonna try calling in a little while i think....i have the house to my self for a few hours tonite so i think im just gonna try and have a little cry to myself really.

Im scared that im gonna end up loosing OH too. If i lost him i know i wouldnt carry on i just cant. Hes the only thing that can make me happy. I was upset earlier and the second he came online i was just happy again to b talking to him.... and i hate being away from him i need to be with him all the time but i know we cant be....i think hes gonna get pissed with me being so clingy all the time...

 

[zebrastripes]

awwww you poor thing is there somewhere, at all, you could go, on your own, for a few days or so? A grandparents or friends? they don't have to know the reasons why, just somewhere you could be on your own, a change of scenery, somewhere you can just take a deep breath and stop for a while? Something like that may help.

It is such a hard time for you but you can get through it. I think maybe you need your parents- ofc talk to your OH beforehand but maybe telling them would be a bit of a relief too?

I really hope you feel better soon

 

[A&J]

I really do not have any advice other then what has already been said.

When I had an early miscarriage I never told my parents but due to me being investigated as my last cycle was realllly long I had to tell work to get the time off at short notice if needed and felt like I needed to tell my parents. I was shaking, burst into tears and was very nearly sick with nerves when I did tell them but the relief I got was it is hard to explain but I really wished I told them sooner. It might help if you told your brother and SIL.

Hope you are ok and have some more

 

[DaisyRose]

Hi Sarah,

Really sorry to hear that things are really bad for you at the moment. I don't know that much about your situation but it sounds like you're really depressed so I'd recommend going to see your GP and hopefully they'll be able to help you sort out some counselling (I did this several years ago when I was having a crisis and occasionally hurting myself, and it really really helped).

I can really understand your concern for your OH - my OH had severe problems with depression not long after we first got together and I tried to stick by him but in the end it nearly drove me insane and I realised that he had certain issues that he needed to get over/ deal with on his own. You've probably heard it a thousand times before but time and space can really be a good thing in this situation - just concentrate on getting yourself ok again and things will be alright in time, honestly; hopefully he'll do the same and you'll be much stronger as a couple.

 

[Lola's Mummy]

I'm really sorry to hear you are going through this hun!

Please don't ever feel like you are bugging people that's what we're here for. I had a miscarriage in April 2006 and it took me around 3 months to be able to deal with it properly. These things just take time

If you ever need to vent etc my in box is always open

 

[emeraldsroses]

Please don't think you bug us in any way. If you need to talk or anything, PM me and I'll send you my e-mail address.

I agree with fran_23. Write things down on paper. My company appointed psychologist also suggested this to me. She told me to write down what I felt and thought even though I've got an online journal. She wanted me to do this privately because she felt that there were probably things I'd rather keep for myself than share them with my online journal friends.
Anyhow, what you write doesn't have to be coherent. If it's just a thought or two, jot it down on a post-it note or two, then go into your paper journal and write down all the thoughts you had from the post-its in a more coherent way. It may help you from harming yourself if you just write how you feel.

I also agree with other about getting counselling. Could you get this through your health insurance? Could your GP refer you to a psychologist for you to talk to? Try to see if this is possible. It may make a big difference.

Give your OH some time to grieve. It could be that he's not "talking" to you because he needs some space to get over what has happened. This baby was as much a part of him as it was a part of you, and it's possible he feels he's lost a part of himself through the miscarriage. Let him grieve. He'll come to you when he's ready. I hope this doesn't sound harsh. It's not my intention.

If you ever need to talk, PM me and then we'll e-mail one another. I don't want to give my e-mail address out in public. I hope to hear from you soon

 

[1sttimemum]

Hi Sarah..

I would definitly suggest counselling as some of the others have said, you should be able to get it through your GP. It would give you the oppurtunity to talk to someone which is what you need and they certainly wouldnt judge you!!