Could do with some neutral advice.

[CharlieB21]

Sorry for the long post but
I'm 35 weeks pregnant with my fourth child to a new partner. We've been together for three years and baby was very much wanted. The thing is, recently, over the last month my partner seems withdrawn from me, working longer hours, offering to do lates then going for a pint afterwards. I've never been one to lay down the law but I'm starting to feel that he'd rather be anywhere but here.
The reason I've turned to you guys is I'm not sure if I'm just emotional and hormonal or whether that gut feeling is right. I'm starting to wonder if there's someone else.
He constantly keeps his phone attached to him, even in the toilet. It's always on silent and off when being charged. This was never like this before. We were always quite open. I asked to use it the other day and he said it was near to dying and got mine instead. This could be completely plausible but in my head I'm starting to worry.
A neutral rational opinion would be very much appreciated and if you think I'm being daft, please say so x Thanks Charlie

 

[Sm1lerno1]

We all suffer greatly due to hormones, there is no doubt of that. We as women are also good at convincing ourselves whatever our heads tells us, is true. When at times it's clearly not.

The fact is though, you've noticed changes and it's affecting you, it therefore needs to be brought up.

When it's just the two of you, tell him you need a chat and just tell him everything. Ask him what you need to. See what he says. Make some suggestions and see how it goes from there.

I've learned over the years that communication is the best key to a healthy relationship. I say I've learned it even though I don't always practice what I preach!

 

[CharlieB21]

Thanks. I don't seem to be able to think rationally as I normally would. I'm not sure if it's feeling vulnerable now I'm heavily pregnant. Trouble is, I don't even know how I'd put it into words without becoming emotional which is never that great when trying to get a point across. X

 

[Jessiecat]

I'm only a week ahead of you, I understand how it feels to look at yourself in the mirror and this stage and feel as far from sexy as possible. You have a lot of time to think and your mind will be working overtime, it would be very easy to convince yourslef that your OH may be interested in someone else. At this stage in pregnancy I know everyone looks more glamorous then we feel but it's you your OH has chosen to be with.
Can you have a chat with him to explain that you don't feel good about yourself and feel vulnerable right now? Don't accuse him of anything as it may jut start an argument but let him know that you feel a little insecure right now and could do with some reassurance.

I hope all works out ok as I'm sure it will but you will only continue to worry unles you raise this with him, but take your time do it when you feel calm and level headed and hopefully it will be enough for him to realise he needs to show you how much you're the only woman for him right now x

 

[CharlieB21]

Thanks. I hate feeling needy. It's not me at all! I will take my time I think before speaking to him. My mouth tends to run away with me when I'm worked up. I end up saying far too much.

 

[bigbee]

I wouldn't jump to conclusions that quick, but this behaviour does seem a little dodgy.

Speak to him without accusations. Good luck.

 

[TashaWink]

Men can react weird towards the end of the pregnancy. with him not being home after work, my mind would do the same (especially whilst pregnant)

You definitely need to talk to him. The sooner the better because you'll be making yourself to crazy otherwise xx

 

[MrsG81]

Well I want to tell you to speak to him and discuss things, because obviously that is what you should do.

But I know me......and if I were in your shoes I would be waiting for the first opportunity to check his phone!!!! I know.... I know.... you should trust your other half and not do sneaky things like that. But that is honestly what I would do.

About 4 years ago I had a gut feeling something was wrong and checked my husbands FB messages after he forgot to log out. He hadn't physically cheated on me but had been sending explicit messages with an ex. We nearly broke up and it was an AWFUL time....but luckily we managed to work things out. I forgave him (can't forget though!) and can honestly say we are in a much better place now.

Obviously it might be absolutely nothing like that! Pregnancy hormones can mess with our head a little, especially if we are feeling a it self conscious about ourselves. I hope it's just him being a bit of a lad and maybe getting it out of his system before the baby arrives xxx

 

[Mum2Many]

It does sound quite dodgy. I don't think I'd be able to wait. Just ask him what is going on, what's changed, why is he being so different.

I'm a take the bull by the horns type though. I'd probably ask him outright if he's communicating with/seeing someone else. You can normally tell by a person's reaction when they're lying. And if I still wasn't satisfied I'd be asking to see his phone. There's no reason that he should be hiding his phone from you - if he is, it suggests there's something on it he doesn't want you to see and that's a big red flag for me.

I wouldn't be accusatory about it, but I would be factual. This is what I've noticed, this is what I feel, this is what I want to know and this is what I want to change. And make sure you listen to what he has to say too. It may be totally innocent... But the fact he's changed so noticeably, and hiding things is a big red flag and I think you need to get to the bottom of it sooner rather than later personally.

 

[LaceyKeo]

Can you approach it from a concern point of view?

I've noticed you've been spending a lot more time out/at work, and I'm worried you're getting nervous about baby arriving... I know it's normal for dad's to get a panic on as it gets close to due date, and was wondering if there's anything you wanted to talk about?

Fair enough, if he says he's okay and that's that, then you don't get any answers either way, but it might be enough for him to know you've noticed, if that makes sense?

Best of luck hon xx

 

[littlemonkey]

TashaWink is right, it's not just us women who have all manner of emotions and mixed feelings towards the end of pregnancy. It effects men to. Knowing what my OH has been like with two pregnancies, its entirety plausible your OH is just feeling a lot of pressure and dealing with it in his own way.

I would talk to him about it, I've had similar discussions with my OH recently and approached it from the whole how are you feeling about the new baby angle.

My OH has recently taken up a new hobby and I've been feeling like he's been out the house lots, doesn't want to be with me a lot etc. On talking about it he's just worried about the baby coming soon and having no time to himself anymore. Actually talking about it gave us a good opportunity to talk about how we both wanted to make sure we didn't lose sight of ourselves or our relationship when the baby comes. We found it tough when our eldest was born and we don't want to make that mistake again.

 

[CharlieB21]

Thanks ladies for all the advice. He stayed out after his late shift last night. Said he was going for a pint and would be back by ten. He rolled in after twelve in a vile mood. I think it's time for me to tackle the situation and ask those questions. I think in reality I'm afraid of what he'll say but know I can't continue. I even got his shirt he'd been wearing out of the washing basket to smell it!! I've never been one for being funny about him going out but I expect him to be where he says he is and return when he says because it's only what I would do.

 

[buggy1]

Sounds like it's starting to drive you mad so you definitely need to try and sort it out. It could be quite innocent but you need to have your mind put at rest. I'd just say approach it in the right way, don't go in all guns blazing or accusing him of all sorts. Just tell him calmly how you see things and how it is making you feel x

 

[MrsG81]

Thanks ladies for all the advice. He stayed out after his late shift last night. Said he was going for a pint and would be back by ten. He rolled in after twelve in a vile mood. I think it's time for me to tackle the situation and ask those questions. I think in reality I'm afraid of what he'll say but know I can't continue. I even got his shirt he'd been wearing out of the washing basket to smell it!! I've never been one for being funny about him going out but I expect him to be where he says he is and return when he says because it's only what I would do.

(((hugs))))

Hope he listens to you and you guys can sort everything out x

 

[mylullaby]

Tri hopping here - hope you don't mind. Putting hormones and anxieties that may or may not be caused by baby's imminent arrival aside, can I just suggest that you don't underestimate the power of your gut instinct. Yes, of course, you could be way off the mark thinking there's someone else... blah, blah... which is why you won't go in there accusing him of something you have no proof of. But pointing out his change in behaviour and watching and listening to his reaction could tell you a lot. Me and DH both have pin codes on our phones but know each others and I wouldn't think twice if he asked to use my phone and vice versa. It's just a given for us that we can borrow phones relatively freely - if someone's battery dies or if someone wants to waste their partner's data instead of their own so yes being stuck to his phone and all secretive would ring alarm bells for me. Factual "this is how your behaviour has changed and this is how it makes me feel" would be a really good place to start imo. xxx

 

[LaceyKeo]

Mylullaby is wise.

Read what she said again and pretend I said it.

I hope you get this sorted soon hon xx

 

[Jennyxx]

Hows everything going? xx

 

[CharlieB21]

We sat down and I told him how I felt. I asked him how he felt and followed advice along lines of is there anything I could support him with. He admitted work was really stressing him and that he's felt overwhelmed recently. So we went yo the docs together and he is currently off for a week to relax and take some time out of rat race. With regards to the sneaky behaviour, I managed to get my point across - I think - without too much paranoia and this has stopped so it's a positive result for now. X

 

[Jennyxx]

Thats great xxx

 

[Mum2Many]

So glad to hear this Hun!