Christmas - where to spend it?

[Lulu_Laroo]

Apologies in advance for the long post!

Having a bit of trouble over where to spend christmas, and I basically just want to ask if any of you think I'm being un-reasonable.

Basically, I moved from Hertfordshire to Suffolk a year ago in order to be with my OH. So I moved away from all my friends and family, who I'm very close to.
I had a very tough time over the past year, I miss my family so much, so I made the decision that I wanted to move back (as long as OH was ok with it, as he would be coming with me.)
We both tried looking for jobs and a new flat in the area and really struggled. It's a much more expensive place to live and employment was down. So after a while I said: Okay, we'll stop trying to find somewhere and stay in Suffolk. I just wanted to make sure I could definitely visit home often, and I also said I'd like to come home every Christmas (even when we have a child of our own, so my mum can see her grandchild, as OH's Mum would probably babysit when I go back to work and see them all the time).

Now, do you think this is unfair? My OH thinks his Mum might get upset because she expected us to take it in turns who to visit at christmas every year.
When I was younger, we ALWAYS spent christmas with my Mum's parents, and either New Years day or Easter or something with my Dad's parents.
To me, not being able to spend christmas seeing all my family and friends who I don't get to see all year, would ruin my christmas. I'd just like some of your thoughts on this please? Am I being selfish?

 

[heidi-hi]

I dont think u are being unreasonable or selfish. Having moved to be with him and seeing his family throughout the year, to me i would want to go home to be with my family. We have always done stuff with my mums mum on xmas day and dads family boxing day, so can see where your coming from. Maybe have a chat with her and ask her where she got that impression from and explain u wanna be with your family? Families are so complicated arent they?! We said we would do every other last year and as nasty as i might sound im regretting it now... even if she does live 5mins away and its just for dinner!

We are thinking of going to some lodge far away next xmas and inviting everyone, whoever wants to come can come! xxx

 

[mablestarr]

Not unreasonable at all. I spent one christmas with OH family and hated it, and have told him that I never want to spend christmas with them again!!! We had said we'd do every other year but no way!

Since that we've had christmas with my family and OH doesn't mind and we spend new years with his which I don't mind so much.

This year though we are having Christmas on our own for the first time.

Hope you get the Christmas you want and OH supports what you want to do. xxxxx

 

[midnight]

imo i think it is unfair to expect your oh and children never to have a xmas seeing his family im in the same situation a live miles away from my family but if you swing it around and if you lived near your family would you be happy going to your oh parents everychristmas and never spending 1 with your family?? i know its prob not what you wanted to hear but i have to be honest
the best and fairest way is to either have both family side come to you or take it in turns to spend xmas with them

 

[tipper]

I agree with midnight on this one. I live about an hour and a half away from my parents while the inlaws are only 10 minutes away. It was extremely hard for me to move away from them, but sometimes life doesn't play out exactly how you want.

We see the inlaws at least once a week, sometimes more, and sure, I do get a tad sulky once in awhile when I think about how often we see them compared to my own family. But his family means as much to him as mine does to me. For holidays, we switch families each year and it seems to work out pretty well. While it may seem like you are "owed" time with your family, I really don't think it is fair to deny his family time with their son on holidays. Holidays are typically a special time for families....how would you feel if the tables were turned and your OH made these requests of you?

 

[teampc]

I can see where you are coming from on this one.
Have you considered spending christmas with your family and then the day after boxing day have another crimbo with his family?

Thats what we do
We live close to both families but always spend christmas with mine (we are closer to them ) every other year we also go with my family to have christmas with family friends (I have done this since I was a baby) and on the alternate year they come down to us.
If we are at 'home' for christmas then his family will come over in the afternoon of christmas day and we all spend time together, and on the years that we go to our family friends we come back and have another christmas with his family on the 27th

everyone is happy with this system, and its not bad having two christmas's to look forward to every year

 

[tinkerbell86]

i am never spending xmas at oh's dad's again!!! We both agreed that when baby was here we would spend xmas at our house every year and family can come to us!!!! as my oh could never play with his toys at xmas as he always had to go to his nans!!!
even if your not with your family xmas day cant you over the xmas period have a 'xmas day' with your parents and do everything you would usually do?

 

[Lulu_Laroo]

Thank you for your answers. I have thought about if it was the other way around and I would be happy to spend christmas at his parents if it meant I saw mine regularly

 

[Piglet10]

ur not being selfish, as u say his parents will see yous all year round but i think u cud defo have '2' xmasses for lo and exchange presents but u shud cook for them and really make it feel like crimbo and let lo open their pressies and all... ive always said xmas day will b spent with my family BUT my family is much more laid back than oh's and treat him like part of the family where his are scrooges and really cba with xmas so i refuse to let lo go their tough luck i said if he wants to spend xmas with his family he can on his own lmao THANK GOD he agrees with me and doesnt want to haha xx

 

[tipper]

It is a tough situation, but unless his parents are absolute beasts, I would say it is worth putting in the effort to spend some holidays with them. I truly get how you feel as I get a bit resentful about how much time we spend with the inlaws, but it isn't their fault that my parents live so far away. You just have to make the most of it when you're out there with them Could you make a long holiday out of this? If you do alternate annually, could you take a couple of extra days, or maybe just a day, to spend with your family?