Christmas Story with Apologies to St. Matthew!

Discussion in 'Third Trimester' started by Tiny Sue, Dec 21, 2005.

  1. Tiny Sue

    Tiny Sue Well-Known Member

    May 26, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Someone sent this to me in an email...I thought it was funny...

    Hope you do too!

    There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?) She's
    not married or nuffink, but she's got this bloke, Joe, innit? He
    does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.

    One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin at?'

    Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally
    gobsmacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no
    Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one! Do I look bovvered?'

    So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself.

    Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Bacardi Breezers an' that.

    She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I
    reckon I'm well blessed. "

    Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go
    dahn Bethlehem on that.

    They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee
    an' that.

    But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an'
    enter into this garage, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep
    an' that.

    Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bo – plenny of bling, wiv
    crowns on
    their heads. They're like 'Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise
    men from the East End, fresh out da Queen Vic innit.

    Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an'
    myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about
    to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message
    from this Lord geezer.

    He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees.

    You better nash off to Egypt.'

    Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a
    minging donkey. I need a right set of wheels - Have some respect, bro'

    Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay. Yer
    gunna get mashed up man, big style'

    So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an'
    it's safe an' that.

    Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water
    into Stella. An it's all good in da hood…


  2. Sarah W Baby Belly

    Sarah W Baby Belly Well-Known Member

    Jun 14, 2005
    Likes Received:
    I saw this a couple of weeks ago

    Very good!
  3. Tiny Sue

    Tiny Sue Well-Known Member

    May 26, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Good...was hoping not to offend anyone!


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