Can't cope with him anymore.

[Ems]

Hi girls.

I find it really hard to open up to my problems. I guess leeping them locked away is an easy option for me.

My OH is really being unfair! He's drinking alot (at home and at the pub) I had to drag him out of a house party at 3 in the morning when I was in my PJs and thankfully the house was only down the road but at the same time quite far. I was humilated. He promissed me he wouldn't do certain things like "get smashed" or "do other things" etc and he's just totally letting me down.

It happen every time he goes out.

Isn't this the time where the OH is meant to repsect you and be considerate and generally grow up?

I don't know ladies. Im getting desperate and poor little man inside is feeling my upsets and hurts. Keeping strong for him though!

Yesterday had to call and ambulance because I thought I was going into preterm and it turned out to be acute kidney infection because I am "run down".

Whats a girl gotta do to get a break round here?

Any ideas laides xxxxxx

 

[Ems]

Excuse the spelling typos! x

 

[Lilelephant]

ur OH is being very disrespectful and immature.
I don't really have any useful advice but he needs to stop doing it!

 

[Sarah13]

You poor thing, men can be real pains at times. Trouble is we become a mum and grow up when we get the BFP whereas they don't really become dads until baby arrives as they don't have to give all the bad things up or think of a baby growing inside them. Reality might sink in once baby arrives in the mean time all you can do is keep talking and try to get him to see how much this upsets you and in turn his unborn child. My hubby has promised to cut back on his drinking next time he's home from offshore as it's not fair they get to live life as usual and we don't, so we'll see if he sticks to it! Its ok for them to let their hair down sometimes and have nights out with the boys but not all the time it becomes selfish and unfair.

I know how scary your kidney infection must have been I had an infection and stones a few weeks back and also ended up in hospital thinking I was in labour! Very painful! You have my total sympathy!

 

[angelmma]

Aww chick big hugs for you. Have you sat down and explained to your OH that him playing up is stressing you out? Tbh my ex done the excat same thing to me, always going out drinking etc, it really made my pregnancy a nightmare and I even got kidney stones, and was in and out of hospital from 24 weeks. No matter how much i explained how I felt to my ex he just done what he liked, I shouldve seen what he was like from the start but love makes ya stupid I guess.

Anyway my OH is great and has curbed his going out for me, although on sat night he was drunk and we were all out and one of his mates got in a fight so he ran up after him without saying a word to me, left me standing in the town on my own at 2:30am. Anyway I basically told him to f off if he thought he was gonna go on like that and leave me standing vunerable to go running off without saying a word to me, and that if he was gonna go on like that we may as well finish it now, harsh I know but I swore I wouldnt be letting anything stress me out this time and I wasnt gonna take any crap. Anyway ended up feeling really bad cause OH really beat himself up about it and kept apologising yesterday. Anyway my point is, but your foot down if talking to him doesnt work, and make him realise that you wont take his crap and that you and the LO comes first. Best of luck chick xxx

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

I totally agree with Sarah.
Men don't become fathers as soon as you get the BFP.
Of course most of them prepare and are excited about it but you cannot prepare yourself for being a father until you actually meet your child if that makes sense.

Mother and baby already have a bond because they're like two peas in a pod right now
Your OH doesn't realise what you're going through and he is being selfish.
My OH is the same as sometimes he can be nasty towards me when we argue. I always tell him not to upset me because it will upset LO but it just doesn't sink in to his brain.

The only advice I can give you is to talk to him and tell him how you are feeling.
But half the time it goes through one ear and out the other with men!

I hope things get better for you soon.
He's probably just enjoying himself before baby gets here as there won't be much drinking when he is born, then again there are limits when it comes to 'enjoying yourself before becoming a father'. xxx

 

[Ems]

Thanks guys so much. It helps to get advice from others but its just a case of been there done it so many time so when do thing turn around and change? I guess I will for the sake of the little man, keep myself calm and if he carries on making things worse I will have to tell him to back off.

I feel a bit more reasured today so thank you for your thoughts and suggestions. xxxxxxx

 

[saze]

i dont now your situation hun, but depending on what he was like id probably get out of there and start fresh now would be the time to do it. I now its far easier said than done but i think his behavior is disgusting and if you left he would defo feel it. You have got to think will he ever change? and how can i get him to change? does my little boy deserve better? Until he steps up i would tell him to do 1. Ahhhh sorry for ranting it makes me so mad chick you deserve better. My man does not go anywhere without me, he may have one can on a night and will ask me if it's okay, and works his ass of for our baby boy. Fuck him xxx

 

[Coco pops]

Sorry to hear all this, I am afraid no matter how many times you talk to him about it he isn't going to change until he wants to. Personally I would ask him to move out and come back when he is ready to be a man and a father. I am speaking from experience here.....my OH was a nightmare and I think when he realised he could actually lose us he decided he wanted to change, I don't for one minute think he has grown up forever and believe he will have relapses but for now he isn't drinking when we go out as he just doesn't have a stop switch. let us know how you get on xxx

 

[star fish]

Hi Ems

Just a slightly different perspective but it sounds to me like he's scared.

Its quite a typical reaction, the fear of suddenly having to be a 'grown up' by becoming a father and he's acting out and being immature to prove to himself that nothing has to change when he really knows it does and he's putting off the inevitable.

If you dont feel you can have a really good talk with him yourself then i suggest you approach his parents or the most mature of his friends and ask them to talk to him.

He might just need a bit of time to adjust

 

[littlemiss83]

Totally agree with the posts on this, guys dont realise totally about the baby untill they see it, my OH went drinking alot when I was pregnant with my first but since she was born 7 years ago he's only drank on 2 occasions.

 

[Ems]

Thanks guys, I got the "aplogies" left right and center when I broke down and said I can't do this any more. To top it of I think what most you girls have said is very true. This morning on the way to work he made a comment to me hat goes back on every apologie he made. He said to me "it was my birthday you know", So to me that sais he deosn't really mean im sorry at all. His eyes are, its my birthday and i'll do what I like.

I am feeling very let down. My mum and I dont get on very well. She is very imature and never really grew up but she has just come out of a domestic violent relationship and gone stright back into a different relationship with a past love. I can't start asking for her advice or support because she's doesn't know how do give it. - Long long story!

I am due to go to the Wireless festival which was planned for just my self and him and now I have heard 20 other people have "latched" on for the day. I don't mind but when they all get together I have no hope. I suppose the good thing is my sister will be there and she is very protective of me and this baby - Love my sister so much!!

Anyway guys its going to be a hard decision but if he screws up again I will most probably temp ask him to go and stay at his mums while I can relax with the baby in my tummy and work out what I plan to do. I am not going to make one decision because I should concentrate on getting ready to meet my man!

xxxxxx

 

[suzzi]

ah honey i really feel for you x its awful when our 'men' think of nothing but themselves, my OH is usually ok unless i get enmotional or insecure then he hasnt a clue what to do, he rants at me when all i want is a hug and to be told not to be daft and that he loves me.

I think its a good idea to have some space it might make him realise and grow up.

Big hugs x x x