Can't bear to leave him :(

[xkikix]

Hi Girls,

I dont know where to start, but basically as the title says, I cannot bear to leave my son with anyone and its got so bad I think my mums fell out with me

My best fried got married on saturday and babies weren't invited. It had been arranged right from when I was pregnant that he'd spend the day and evening at my mums. Who is like my best friend. Then as time got nearer I started thinking he'd just go there for the day and i'd not go to the reception part. Then I started to get more and more nervous about leaving him. My mum is a wonderful caring fantastic woman and she loves chester so so much. She is always buying him little gifts and she really does dote on him.

On friday night, the day before the wedding she called, I fet she was in a bit of a funny mood from her tone of voice, but I was getting so stressed about leaving him maybe it was just me. She said so whats the plan for tomorrow then blah blah, then she said if it was nice she would take him out in his pram, how much she was looking forward to having him etc. Then I started saying after his feed he likes to be held up cus he cries if he's left laying down and she said yeh I do know and I felt she wasnt listening to me so I said mum this is important *starts crying* then got all hysterical saying if your not gonna listen the he can go to chris' mums and then I hung up

Havent heard from her since and I dont blame her. In the end we took him to the wedding.

I just feel no-one knows him like I do and I know i'm such an idiot but I cant bear to leave him. How are you lot with leaving your babies with relatives?? I'm fine with his dad (only just tho) and if i'm round my mums and I need to get petrol or go shop then i'm fine leaving him for 10 mins but no more than that really.

And what do i do with regards to my mum, I love her and miss her so much but i've been such a b!tch to her. How can I not trust my own mum she loves him so much

 

[Sherlock]

Some people don't leave there LO's till they are much older. Others younger. TBH I think the odd day here or there if you have things like a wedding to attend are fine to leave LO with someone you trust. But its not for everyone.

I have my Mum come here. That way she has gotten to know how I like to do things, what little routines we have and also gets to see how he behaves for different things. She knows the difference between his tired cry and his hungry one. Also she recognises his tummy/bowel pains and wind ones and knows how to tackle them both. She also tops and tails him wonderfully and spends lots of time playing and interacting with him as I like to. She also respects the times I like to put him in his basket or cot so I can have some me time and he can just have quiet time watching his mobiles and listening to the music.

We've had no tension whatsoever and have been doing this since he was 3 weeks old. Its worked wonderfully. I express milk for her to feed him and he takes the bottle really well from her. He also is soothed by her when upset and gives her lots of smiles and happiness also.

When she comes to stay now I don't mind stepping back and letting her enjoy her time with him. I'm also more than happy to go out for a few hours. I'm on the end of a phone if she needs me and not miles away. But tbh she has coped with him for 6 hours plus before and he's been fine. OK I was in the house and sleeping but she had no need to wake me even when he was upset.

I like to give her credit as she raised me and knows what she is doing. And she has really tried to do things as I do them so as to have continuity of care for Galen and as it helps me relax with it all. Also having him remain at home makes a difference as he is in familar surroundings with his own things. He recognises my Mother now anyways and in a couple of months I am sure he'll go spend an afternoon at her house. Just they live 90 minutes away so its not ideal. But I want him to be used to being cared for by a few other people on occasion. I personally don't feel its healthy if no one else spends chunks of time with Galen when he is small (younger than a year). For either of us. I still need a bit of time for me and OH and he is happy getting to know his Nanna and a few other relatives. My Mother loves her time with him and gives him total one on one attention and he revels in it.

Works for us

 

[LisaJ1986]

I've been invited out the 1st weekend in August. My OH asked if my dad will have her for a couple of hours. My mum lives 100miles away and his mum 30mins drive. Not worth it for an evening. I've come up with lame excuses like she won't take a bottle, she needs to see me to sit with someone else or she'll scream the place down and i don't wanna go. I don't drink anymore. Couldn't if i wanted to. So i'm not going.

 

[mary70]

dont worry to much hun, i havent left Hannah for more than an hour at a time and she is nearly 3, i am sure if you go and see your mum she will understand she prob was the same with you if she remembers bk she is prob just upset as she was looking forward to it so much but our mums do tend to forgive very easily , maybe start off leving lo with her for an hour and just going for a walk round the shops or something and extend the time a bit at atime until your feel comfortable.

 

[muppetmummy]

The only time Ive been apart from logie is when he was 3 days old. OH took him with him in his pram when walking James to school so I could enjoy my breakfast in peace. I cried hysterically till he got home! It was the day my milk came in so I was emotional anyway, but I hated the seperation.

I haven't been apart from him since. He even slept in my bed every night till last night, which was the first in his cot, and that was only because OH took the side off it and adjusted the height so I could have him next to my bed. Even if I pop across the road to the shop I put him in his sling! I must admit we've not been so clingy with each other since i've stopped breastfeding so I think it might have been hormones at play too, Logie actually lets me put him down for a bit now!

MIL keeps asking if I'd like her to babysit but there is no way Id leave him, even for an hour with OH! Its not a question of trust, I just don't want to, it would make me upset.

Im sure I'll feel better about it when he's a bit older, James has sleepovers at his granparents house occassionally, and is going on holiday to the south of england with MIL next month. But with Logie I dont feel ready to share him yet.

I would give your mum a call and explain how you felt, Im sure she'll understand

 

[Magic Monkey]

I would just ring your mum and explain as you did here, she is your mum and will forgive you! I am sure that if you explain how you were feeling she will understand. Perhaps you should try leaving him for short periods to begin with and then increase the amount of time you are away. That is what I did, I started with just going to Tesco quickly, then going out to our local for an hour and then built up the time (I still haven't left her for that long though!)

I personally think it is important to leave babies with other people, as the longer you leave it the more difficult it will be (for both of you!). As Sherlock does I always get my parents or inlaws to come here so that she is in her own surroundings and so that they have everything they need.