CAN ANY1 HELP?

[dani200420052000]

Hi All!
I have it bad with my partner too... he told me the other day that he thinks the best thing for this pregnancy is a termination, he said that financially we are not strong enought and emotionally we need to sort things out and I need to get more of a life instead of sitting at home all day.... I have just getting a job only 16hours per wk, but better than nothing! I am so hurt about what he has said, I have thought to myself, he is not the one livivng with this little life inside of them,, thats me. I love ,my partner but I love this little life more ( i dont mean to be horrible )... I mean last time when I fell pregnant we decided to keep the baby but I miscarried at 7/12 weeks and we were financially unstable none of us working,,, but now he has a full time good job, i work part time and he just does not want this baby and does not care how I am feeling! I am so hurt... he does not really speak about it, the only time i get answers is when he texts me! I mean he says he loves me but really does he! He said that the most important things at the mo are the bills....

I am thinking to myself Is the best thing to leave him and go out on this pregnancy on my own and be a single mother or what! I just dont know... ca any1 help I feel so alone..

Love Danielle and Bubble xx
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[Rosebay]

Hi Danielle,

sorry you're going through it at the moment . It sounds to me like he's panicking pretty majorly, is there any way you can get him to sit down calmly and talk it through face to face? Perhaps if you're finding this hard you could talk to Relate or someone who deals with relationship issues. I wouldn't do anything quickly- it's such an emotional time for the both of you and it sounds like there's a lot of issues involved- especially when he's had the experience of losing contact with his previous child.

My husband suffers from depression and although he's been generally pretty even recently he has had the odd moment of total bleak panic where I know he feels that me and our baby will lock him into jobs that he detests and a life of daily misery. I've been dealing with his illness for many years now so I know that I have to just take a deep breath when he says such things and almost pretend that I'm an impartial person rather than his wife etc. I have said to him repeatedly that if it comes to it then I will manage as if I were a single mother and that I would still be having his child even if he wasn't around and this seems to help him out of these panics. I'm pretty sure that it'll all work out fine in the end and that actually once our baby arrives he'll get a bit more perspective. I keep forgetting that he's not going through this major physical and emotional thing that I am- he's not bonded to it at all yet as he can't really imagine the baby as being alive like I can.

I'm not condoning what he said at all and I think it's pretty insensitive for him to say such things to you- I get much more upset now when my husband despairs and says really negative things because I feel protective of our baby- but if you still love him it's worth seeing if you can sort this all out between you.

Good luck
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[sasha715]

hi, sorry to hear ur upset honey. at the end of the day money isnt everything and babies dont need expensive things. about the only expense u have really is nappies (unless ur thinking of using reusable) u grow food naturally and babies dont need expensive clothes. hand me downs do. they dont notice things like that till they are in junior school. my mum and dad lived on biscuits and plain pasta till i was a few months old so that they could buy my bed and clothes ect. parents do what they have to, to protect and nourish their children. u will too.
he probably is more scared that hes going to get attached to the baby and then suffer another loss rather than the money excuse hes using. and im pretty sure he'll change him mind when u get ur 20 week scan or even when they babies born. my 20 week scan was so detailed it made my dh cry because you could see his nose and lips and everything it was amazing. even if he doesnt come round until the babies born just remember that the babies always got you but u have to b strong because when ur upset the babies upset and some docs reckon that if the mother has a stressful pregnancy then the baby doesnt have a good sleeping pattern and thats the last thing u need! ohhh better still tell ur dh that if he doesnt stop stressin u out then he get no sleep when the babies born that might make him shut up! hope all goes well. let us know how u get on xxxx