bye

[Urchin]

I said don't vent anger AT US, no one said you couldn't be angry, but why do we have to put up with you being constantly rude towards people who are trying to help you?

 

[libs]

It's not normal to vent that anger and direct it at women trying to be supportive or at the fact that there are pregnant women who are happy about it on a pregnancy forum. I'm TTC and I have had a M/C in the past, but every month when I get a BFN I don't take out the crap I feel on anyone else. I may ask for support, but at the same time I'm happy to share in other's good news.
It is normal to feel bloody angry at the world and sad. Find a way of getting those feelings out without upsetting people.

Again - have you tried professional support from organisations like the Samaritans. Also if you are TTC - then I assume you are in a good relationship and your partner should be supporting you more.

 

[fynemum]

You need to get more help than this forum can give you Doll... I know your trying, but WE just don't seem to be helping you....
I am a mother of 3 angels.... I know loss.... Many people who come onto this section do so for support comfort and understanding..... Yes we do have the odd rant and vent... but in the whole we are here to help each other through the worst thing that can happen.. lost life.
We have many mixed emotions... some of which we have to deal with in our own way by seeking that extra help..... People here are just people..... We are not trained councilors but we do our best to help people through a really rough time..... The key to us being able to help is YOU being ready to get that help..... You are not... you still need to vent, and this means you need more than we can offer.... I am sorry we have failed you Sweetheart.... But we have tried.
I hope the advice the Mods and others have given will be taken by you as I feel this would be a good step forward in your healing....
Take care, Be kinder to yourself
Lv Yvonne xx

 

[breezee1984]

It's not normal to vent that anger and direct it at women trying to be supportive or at the fact that there are pregnant women who are happy about it on a pregnancy forum. I'm TTC and I have had a M/C in the past, but every month when I get a BFN I don't take out the crap I feel on anyone else. I may ask for support, but at the same time I'm happy to share in other's good news.
It is normal to feel bloody angry at the world and sad. Find a way of getting those feelings out without upsetting people.

Again - have you tried professional support from organisations like the Samaritans. Also if you are TTC - then I assume you are in a good relationship and your partner should be supporting you more.

you have to remember i live in america. and in america apparantrly women shouldnt be upset by a miscarriage of a child that (in their words) wasnt a real baby anyways, it had no feeling.
so no, the only professional help i have here is a psychiatrist. and i have seen 3 of them like i said before. and they all give me the same advice. every book i have read on it also gives me the ame advice. i dont know if mental health is different between here and the UK but here you bascially have to deal with it on your own. my husband has been a great support for me. he seems to be the only person who gives a damn about me and seems to be the only person who has given me the time of day about the whole thing. yesterday my mom told me that my husband and i needed to hurry yup and get pregnant again and give her a grandchild. i have this on my back constantly, the stress the worry the whole bit. i dont mean to hurt anybody and i dont mean to take anything out on anybody.

 

[libs]

right hun - that last reply was so much easier to read. The Samaritans in the UK are basically professional listeners - they do so without judgement and are there when you feel you have noone else to turn to, or you don't want to tell anyone else what you're thinking or feeling. They don't give you advice, they just act as a sounding board. They're just normal people who want to be there when you feel there's no one else.

http://www.samaritans.org.uk/

I know you can't call them - but they have an email address and you can just put everything down in a rant and in a way - pass it on to them. Off load everything and think as you write it down that it's leaving you and it's now their problem. If you want them to reply they will - but you can tell them that you don't need a reply and just use them to get rid of the anger. Do it every day if you need to.

 

[fynemum]

My Father and two of my Brothers are American... Rochester New York.....
People DO know the pain of Miscarriage in the states......

Please Try this forum for support and advice as I know many American woman there.....

www.babyloss.com

I am sorry if this seems like advertising on another site... but in this case i feel Breezee would benefit from a visit there....

It Deals with Woman who have lost babies..... it's main function......
And I know it has American woman who hopefully can help with advice on a more local level.....

Try anyway Breezee.... worth a shot....

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

I find it hard to believe that you were told to come here and vent at other people do deal with your pain, thats just not something a proffessional here or in the states would say.

Maybe you misunderstood?

Venting is good, can be very theraputic, but not in the way you have been doing it. For example, I could write a post saying how bad I feel, how angry I am that I lost my son, how much it upsets me to see other pregnant women etc, and that would be perfectly reasonable. Thats venting. But actually directing your anger at other members and making them feel bad, and unwilling to give you the support you need, thats just selfish and destructive.

We are NOT faceless emotionless boxes of text, we are real people with real feelings and experiences, we feel pain at our own losses and may actually be able to support you more if you didnt direct your anger at us.

To suggest that its ok to do this as its your way of dealing with your pain is in no way acceptable. You are just creating more problems for yourself and would get a hell of a lot more understanding and support from people who know exactly how you feel if you were more respectful and mindful of others.

 

[Vickyleigh]

Breezee most of the girls you have spoken to have lost babies too, what about the poor girls here who have had to give birth to their baby knowing that it wont be born alive? They are not acting like this and how do you think YOU are making them feel?
Talking to the other women here has really got me through my pregnancy and made it seem more enjoyable, I have alot to thank this forum for. If I want a moan, I moan, if I want advice about any fears I have then the girls will make me feel better and reasure me, if my boyfriend has upset me then the girls make me feel better by saying what their hubbys/OH are like, if there is anything embarresing and personal that I want to say then I can say it and no one blinks and eyelid.
This forum is the best ever and if you gave it a good chance (without upsetting people) then you will find that the girls here really really can help you.

 

[Melly+2]

TBH ladies i dont think she is here to seek help, it has been offered on here with people saying for her to pm them if she needs a friend, Urchn even suggested this and she didnt do it, breezee it has been offered to you why arnt you taking it instead of being nasty to all of us?

 

[mrs_tommo22]

I dont mean to cause you any pain breeze or upset you but when my son was 8 weeks old i miscarried a 6 week old feotus and that rocked my world for a long time and when i stood at my wedding 2 weeks after al i could think about was my baby that should of been growing inside me safe and sound, not in the ground on its own.Believe me we feel the loss of babies despite having other children. Im pregnant again with my 3rd baby, but my 2nd child will alwasy haunt me. I will always think that phoebe will be my 3rd child.

I hope you find some comfort and the support you are so in need of

 

[Melly+2]

I dont mean to cause you any pain breeze or upset you but when my son was 8 weeks old i miscarried a 6 week old feotus and that rocked my world for a long time and when i stood at my wedding 2 weeks after al i could think about was my baby that should of been growing inside me safe and sound, not in the ground on its own.Believe me we feel the loss of babies despite having other children. Im pregnant again with my 3rd baby, but my 2nd child will alwasy haunt me. I will always think that phoebe will be my 3rd child.

I hope you find some comfort and the support you are so in need of

You sound like such a brave woman my heart goes out to you

 

[Baileysmummy]

I dont mean to cause you any pain breeze or upset you but when my son was 8 weeks old i miscarried a 6 week old feotus and that rocked my world for a long time and when i stood at my wedding 2 weeks after al i could think about was my baby that should of been growing inside me safe and sound, not in the ground on its own.Believe me we feel the loss of babies despite having other children. Im pregnant again with my 3rd baby, but my 2nd child will alwasy haunt me. I will always think that phoebe will be my 3rd child.

I hope you find some comfort and the support you are so in need of

aww hun, i didnt know that, gods pleased you with another little one on its way...

 

[Alfiesmummy]

Breezee I sympathise with your pain and the fact you feel angry and upset is perfectly normal. Youve suffered a loss and you have a right to grieve.

However, I feel slighly put out about the fact you say so much you want help and support and when people are reaching out a hand of support that you craveyour slapping it back.

Please do not make the mistake of believing that you are the only woman on this forum who have suffered a loss or believe that your heartache is more than others. Everyone is here to help each other through hard times.

Yes seeing women talk about their families and the happy pictures can pull at heart strings but alot of these women have suffered loss's before children and do not deserve your unkind words unfriendly attitude and selfishness to be honest.

You may think its ok for you Alfiesmummy you have your son and yes i do, but instead of thinking of it as being a kick in the teeth look on it as hope as your light at the end of the tunnel. I have suffered alot of heartache to have what i have now, more than many will know but i didnt use it as an excuse to make personal attacks on people.

I do wish you well and pray that you can find your way past this to move on, you have every right to be upset but you have NO right to talk to some of these girls the way you do.

 

[Becs]

I think she has gone hon

 

[Jo]

Alfiesmummy i think you got it all right there

Lets hope she has gone to get the help and support she needs as she doesn't think she was getting it here

 

[mrs_tommo22]

We all feel your loss and your pain, its raw and horrible and can eat you up inside of you let it! But youcant let it get you down!
You will have babiesin the future, but you need to get some focus back in your life and the help and support you deserately need.Theres no shame in that, and if it helps you then all the better!
I have my fingers crossed for you and everyone on the ttc thread, because when babies are born, a mother is too.

 

[happy-chick]

Just want to say one thing, directed at no-one but part of my own experience......

A mental health suffer (depression to be specific) has to want to help theirself , In my experience it doesnt matter what support, advice, therapy etc is put it place because none of it is effective unless the person is ready and wants to help theirself in the recovery process.

I was depressed and got stuck in a vicious circle of depression, anxiety & anger for the world... I refused help and therefore didnt help myself.....

Finally something inside of me snapped and I realised that all the time I was blaming the world for feeling the way I was I was making myself worse. I decided to face my depression head on instead of being afraid & ashamed of it, I went to see my doctor and started taking anti-d's and various therapies. I found out more about depression and why I felt the way that I did.... It took me 2 very long and very hard years but I recovered and moved on and I am so proud of that!

The point im trying to make is that the only person that can cure a mental illness is YOU.

One thing I do wanna say is that after my m/c I went to see my GP and said I was afraid I was getting depressed again, he said to me that I was grieving and not depressed and its natural to feel that way. Something that has stuck in my head that he said was "you will only get depressed if you worry that you are going to get depressed" it made sense.

Sorry for the looooong post!! Just wanted to air my views as I have been through it before.

 

[breezee1984]

if i didnt want to help myself why would i seek the help of 3 psychiatrists??

 

[Melly+2]

well get help and when your feeling better, return because this isnt to come if seeing pg ladies makes you upset, and it definatly isnt the place for you get angry with them

 

[happy-chick]

Like I said Breezee it wasnt directed at anyone it was just my personal experience.