Bringing Them Up

[Bee7]

It's probably a bit early to be thinking about this with Jack only being 2 months old lol. But i've been thinking recently about the sort of little boy and eventually the man he's going to grow into. I believe that your upbringing contributes massively to the person you grow up to be and i have various ideas about the morals and values i want to instil in Jack. Sadly, these don't always agree with OH's ideas.

I'd like Jack to be a kind and sensitive person, a nice boy (do they exist?) whereas my OH is very much a man's man. He wants Jack to be laddish and into sports and such like. I don't have a problem with this whatsoever but if i mention taking him dancing or getting him into books and stuff, OH's face just drops as though he thinks i want him to be some sort of sissy.

It goes beyond hobbies and interests. I like to think i'm quite broad minded whereas my OH is very opinionated and stuck in his ways and some of his ways i don't agree with at all. From a partners point of view i dont really mind - it gives us something to debate about. But from my sons point of view, i don't want him growing up feeling pressured to be a certain way or being judgemental of others. I think with Jack being a boy he's more likely to look to his dad as his role model. If he'd been a girl then i know she probably would have thought a bit more like me.

Hope this makes sense. Just wondered if anyone else has any concerns over clashes in morals and personalities between them and their OH that might affect their LO's upbringing. And if so how do you plan to deal with it? xx

 

[Susanne]

My husband and I are very different in many respects, coming from 2 very different cultures. I don't think that children often develop the way you're trying to steer them anyway - I bought my daughter dolls, which she's never ever looked at, for example... Also, I wouldn't necessarily worry that your son will look up more to his father than you, in my family my daughter takes much more after my husband and my son much more after me, we'll see what the little one is going to be like! I think it's important for you and your OH to agree on the really big ethical issues that you want to teach your children, so you don't give conflicting advice on what's right and what's wrong, morally speaking, but whether or not your LO will turn out a "sissy" or a "man's man" will be pretty much outside your influence. That's my theory, anyway...

 

[MrsR]

I think there's a bit of both in the mix here-I think the way you bring your children up does influence them at least a bit but obviously outside influences have an impact too.
We allow our son and daughter to play with whatever toys they want to, they have free access to many types of books and both freely enjoy creative and role playing games. We don't 'gender stereotype' and they both do sports activities/physical play. We would never say 'you can't play that-you're a girl/boy!'. Kids are kids IMHO they see a toy as a toy and shouldn't be restricted.

 

[BabyBrain]

I had a very academic upbringing, my OH didn't. We have different skills and things to teach Albert and I really don't mind if he's more practical like his dad or academic like me as long as he's happy. The only thing I really will put my foot down is my OH can be very very ignorant of other cultures and religions and I will not tolerate this ever. I believe that everyone has the right to choose their own faith and belief system. If I ever hear a racist/anti semitic/bigoted remark from Albert his dad will get a slap just in case!