Bludgeoned into Breastfeeding???

[saralou5]

I was at a local Mum and baby group the other day and the HV asked us what information we would have found useful before we had our LO's.
One of the ladies piped up and said she would have liked more information on bottle feeding because her LO wouldn't take to the breast and when it came to bottle feeding, she had no idea what to do and was left to her own devices.
Despite the MW's knowing her LO wouldn't breast feed they still tried to make her do it. She said she felt like from day 1 of being pregnant people told her that she HAD TO breast feed and there was no other way and then when it didn't work for her she felt like a failure, which on top of everything else when you become a new mum is not what you need. Luckily breast feeding was a personal choice for me and is working really well, but I can understand where she is coming from. I thought it was terrible that she felt like that and that other women in the group felt the same! New mums shouldn't be made to feel that way at all. Each baby is different and the MW's shouldn't have tried to force her to do something that wasn't working for her.

Did anyone else feel this way? Almost forced into thinking bottles are wrong and breast is right?

 

[clairebear22]

It's terrible how bad they try to make us feel! I was never made to feel bad for not breast feeding but I still beat myself up about not being able to do it and it was Jack who wouldn't latch on!

I'll never forget one MW in hospital though ...

Jack hadn't had a feed at all since being born and had slept 12hrs straight making his blood sugars drop etc. He wouldn't latch on to me so I asked for some formula and she said "but I thought you wanted to breast feed?!" I bloody did but he won't and he's probably starving and is pretty weak!! We then spent another 24hrs getting his sugars back to normal so imagine if i'd have continued trying to get him to latch on!!

I'm going to try again this time round but won't beat myself up if it's not successful x

 

[cosmicgirl]

I had the opposite problem if you can believe that!
When I was pregnant with the twins I had mw's telling me that I might be better bottle feeding because it would be hard to bf twins. Well yes, bf can be challenging but parenting can be hard full stop, that won't put me off.
I was constantly questioned on my choice to bf and found myself getting quite defensive in the end. Why should my baby miss out on the goodness of bf because there are two of them???
I even heard this from other twin mums to be - "oh I'm ff because I'm having twins" - and?????
It really got on my nerves, where was the support?? x

 

[Karate Kid]

Don't get me started!

I have just found out that Cassius has tongue tie and the days and nights I have spent wracked with guilt for not being able to BF have really knocked my confidence as a new first time mum. I am expressing and bottle feeding but until Wednesday when I found out about the TT I have been beating myself up.

As a mum my main priority is ensuring that my baby is gaining weight and not malnourished. The MWs at the hospital were quite happy for Cassius to not drink at all for 24 hrs and to scream every time we tried to latch him on.... Even though I asked to see the lactation specialist I was told that Cassius was just learning so I need to persevere with BFing!! Can you imagine what would have happened if we had battled through the last four weeks.

Xx

 

[steffy]

OMG. I can really relate to this. I had a 3rd degree tear and huge blood loss when habing abi and was very poorly for a few days. I still tried to BF but was really finding it hard and I didn't feel on the planet. On the 3rd day abi was weighed and was boredline on the maximum weight loss and had a dry nappy all day. I was advised to top up with formula by MW but to still continue to put abi on the breast to encourage production. The BF specialist came to see me and was asking why I was unsing formula. I tried to explain what had happened (she only had to look at me to know something wasnt right, i had catheter, drip and blood transfusion) She drilled into me about BF which I know is her job, but i was really appaled by her tone and asked her to leave the room. Later I discussed this with my MW and explained I still wanted to give BF a shot. She organised a breast pump for me to encourage production. OH got one for me for home and on day 10 I finally got 1oz off. Within a week after that I was gettin 3oz a day. The community MW explained to me I may not get as much milk and my body is working hard to recover and produce blood let alone milk. She was perfectly happy that abi was on formula and having what little milk I could get for her. I continued to express for a few weeks and gave abi what I could and allowing myself to heal.
I just think its appaling that some people out there are not prepared to find a way which works for the mother. I was never going to get enough for abi and surely it was better that I gave her what I could and she was topped up with formula rather than just putting her on formula. and i am so grateful to the mw who was prepared to try and find a way for me to get some breastmilk off for her.
Yes now she is completely on formula and it works for us and I think the main thing is that the mother and baby are happy!! xx

 

[NatEvz]

I really felt forced into breast feeding when i had sam. It was something i didnt really want to do anyway but after plenty of 'breast is best' talks from numerous health professionals i thought i should give it a go. Sam was 9lb 1oz when he was born on the tuesday afternoon. We struggled to make breast feeding work for a week, in which time my little boy became badly jaundiced and had to have two days worth of phototherapy and it was touch and go as to whether hed have to go to scbu. Thursday hed screamed all through the night for feeding, my milk supply was crap and sam struggled to latch. I was terrified to ask for formula after watching a breast feeding support worker lecture a girl younger than me earlier on in the day because shed asked to switch. I had a breakdown on the ward when the nursery nurse came to ask if i was ok and she was the only one who listened to me. I tried expressing all day friday and was barely getting an oz of each breast. Formula was still never mentioned as an option. We were finally discharged on saturday after sams billirubin levels had come down enough. Midwide came on sunday to do his 5 day check and sent us back up to the hospital because hed lost more than a pound by the time she came. My milk finally came in the tuesday after having him, but id already switched to formula, which was the best decision i ever made. I wont be breast feeding this time, its just not for me and sam hasnt suffered any because of it xxx

My piece of shit galaxy ace

 

[redbear]

I found my midwife was actually really nice about it, however she had my hospital notes saying that after 9 hours i still hadn't produced any milk so i had to ff it took four more days for my milk to arrive by then she wanted the fast flow of the bottle and i had to express what i could. so she knew i wasn't making it up i had tried. the people in the hospital where terrible with the support for BFing and they left me feeling let down.

I think the problem is while pregnant it is the way mw's talk to you is like you must breast feed and anything else is second best and your not doing whats right or best for your baby, so when you can't do it you feel like a failure which i think is wrong, as a new parent its your choice what to do and no one should be making you feel terrible for it. I also think the mum's who use it as a 'look at me i bf so im better than you' make me mad, yes your feeding your baby well done its hard but dont make everyone else feel inferior.

 

[tiaflame]

When I won't for my booking appt I told MW that I wanted to breast feed and she wrote it on my notes, but have since decided I dont want to breast feed and I'm worried coz it's in my notes that they will try to force me to do it xx


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[sayer82]

It's terrible how bad they try to make us feel! I was never made to feel bad for not breast feeding but I still beat myself up about not being able to do it and it was Jack who wouldn't latch on!

I'll never forget one MW in hospital though ...

Jack hadn't had a feed at all since being born and had slept 12hrs straight making his blood sugars drop etc. He wouldn't latch on to me so I asked for some formula and she said "but I thought you wanted to breast feed?!" I bloody did but he won't and he's probably starving and is pretty weak!! We then spent another 24hrs getting his sugars back to normal so imagine if i'd have continued trying to get him to latch on!!

I'm going to try again this time round but won't beat myself up if it's not successful x

this happened to me to when Emilia was born she went for over 12 without food as she wouldn't latch but the mw just kept coming in and pushing her face onto my boob she would maybe do one or 2 sucks then come off I kept telling the mws this but they during these first 12 hours but they just kept forcing her face into my boob Emilia became very lethargic dehydrated and got jaudice and we had a 5 day stay in hospital. I expressed while in hospital and topped up with formula and expressed for another 5 days once home but found the constant expressing and*having to reply on partner to feed baby while I expressed the next feed awful I felt like I wasn't getting time to bond with my baby so I decided to change to formula feeding.

I did want to breastfeed but it is a personal choice which you wanna do but I do feel in my experience they try and force the breast is best when sometimes for the babys sake it isn't

 

[Terri1884]

I hate to hear stories of being pressurised into bf!! Its personal choice

I didnt bf my first and my partner didnt bf
our second and I wont be bf this 1 either!

Even though I know that bf is the most natural thing ever and best for baby its not for me! Feels totally weired and my breasts are a sexual thing to me!

At my 29 week appointment I had a ca come in and ask me how I intended to feed my baby and straight away I said bottle! She never battered an eye lid and said ok I was very immpressed! Was all ready to say what I thought if she said any different lol


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[tiaflame]

I hate to hear stories of being pressurised into bf!! Its personal choice

I didnt bf my first and my partner didnt bf
our second and I wont be bf this 1 either!

Even though I know that bf is the most natural thing ever and best for baby its not for me! Feels totally weired and my breasts are a sexual thing to me!

At my 29 week appointment I had a ca come in and ask me how I intended to feed my baby and straight away I said bottle! She never battered an eye lid and said ok I was very immpressed! Was all ready to say what I thought if she said any different lol


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I really dont want to buy I'm very easily led and find it difficult to say no to people and say what I think... I just won't know what to say! Xx

 

[BevG]

i think everyone should at least try and do it no matter how u feel before having a baby id at least give bf a go to pass on my immunities to baby so that he/she gets the best possible start. you wouldnt have to do more than a couple of feeds to do at least some of that. if it dosent work out or you dont like it then thats fine u do whats best for you but u never know you might like it or it might work out easily for you and you would never know for sure until you tried. also you can never regret the decision that way either cos at least you gave it a go. it isnt for everybody and it dosent work out for everyone, it can be hard for some and easy for others and whatever way you feed your baby is up to you, you shouldnt be pressured into anything. i just think its a shame when ppl dont even try for whatever reason. no offence meant to anyone at all its just my opinion cos i tried so very hard to ebf and now combi feed as it didnt work out but i refused to give up completely and muddled along into what worked out for me. its always told as one or the other, no one tells you that you can do both.

 

[tiaflame]

Sorry I dont agree, if someone doesn't want to do it then why should they feel like they have to give it a go?
They shouldn't feel pressured into it, well done to ladies who do it and enjoy it, hats off to them, but it's a personal choice and I'm just not comfortable with it xx

 

[Terri1884]

Neither do I sorry! I did try with my first and hated it so I know I will feel the same again x

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[Roo3]

I don't agree either. I never wanted to breast feed my lo. I tried to though as I wanted him to get the colostrum from me for the first few days. But he wouldn't latch on. I spent time having milk hand expressed from me by a healthcare assistant at my hospital which was possibly one of the most embarrassing times of my life and I was only able to express a drop of milk in 30 minutes. I made the decision then to ff and I've not once regretted it. My lo is healthy and happy. Motherhood is hard enough without people being made to feel guilty about how we chose to feed our babies.

 

[SunnySue]

Neither do I! It's a personal choice, just as it is a woman's right to choose to breastfeed it is a woman's right to choose not to. Nobody should be judged for whichever they choose, it's all personal choice and a decision that I am sure no mother has taken lightly.
I bottle fed my first because of complications with breastfeeding and some of the comments and looks I got from health professional was quite frankly disgusting.

 

[saralou5]

Exactly. I think the main point is that whatever works best for Mum and baby should be ok with everyone. There's definitely a lot of pressure for women to breast feed and I think MWs and whoever else need to recognise this and encourage the Mum to do what she thinks is best, not what anyone else says. I know not all MWs are like this but it seems to be a fairly common occurence after reading through all these posts! .

 

[BevG]

Neither do I sorry! I did try with my first and hated it so I know I will feel the same again x

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at least u tried it, its like saying u hate a fruit or vegetable without at least trying a little bit first. noone should have to do anything but i cant understand ppl who say they dont like anything without trying it first lol.

 

[cosmicgirl]

I see where you are coming from bev. Even one feed just after birth can make such a difference but of people don't want to then that's their choice x

 

[tiaflame]

Neither do I sorry! I did try with my first and hated it so I know I will feel the same again x

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at least u tried it, its like saying u hate a fruit or vegetable without at least trying a little bit first. noone should have to do anything but i cant understand ppl who say they dont like anything without trying it first lol.

I don't see anyone who says they don't like it because how can we if we havent tried? People obviously have their own reasons for not wanting to do it and shouldnt be judged.