I feel bad for not breastfeeding :(

Discussion in 'Feeding & Nutrition' started by TiffanyJaynexo, Dec 18, 2011.

  1. TiffanyJaynexo

    TiffanyJaynexo Well-Known Member

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    I breast-fed Grace in the hospital but she didn't stop feeding so I didn't get a wink of sleep that night, even the midwives could see I was exhausted and one of them couldn't believe Grace was still feeding after 3 hours non stop.

    When we brought Grace home I felt so depressed about breastfeeding that we decided to bottle feed instead. My mum was a great comfort to me, she told me that she breastfed me for 1 week but felt so depressed and exhausted that she decided to stop, so she knows how I feel.

    I never realised how hard work breastfeeding is :( I get upset sometimes because I wish I could just whack out my breast and feed her when she's hungry.. rather than having to go into the kitchen and make her a bottle, as well as let it cool down.

    Right now my breasts are killing me, they're rock hard and full of milk. It probably doesn't help that I have to stare down at them, knowing they're full of milk, milk that I should be giving my daughter :(

    I do feel like a failure, and it's times like this where I feel like just going ahead with breastfeeding, but I know deep down I'll probably complain with pain/having to be awake a lot to feed her.

    I was thinking of bottle feeding and breast feeding but is that cruel on my daughter? Obviously feeding is difficult right now because she's not in a routine so we have to make up bottles at random times but still.. I feel awful :(
     
  2. Amy_J

    Amy_J Well-Known Member

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    Hun, dont feel bad. Bf is not an easy thing and it is most definately exhausting, you are not a failure.


    Have u tried hot flannels on your boobs? This worked a tricked for me, my milk would ooze out like a tap, also have u thought about expressing? I used to express so my ppoh could do some feeds too.

    Dont be too hard on yourself, happy mummy = happy baby.

    Lots of people dont even try breastfeeding, i lasted two months and then switched to bottles, and i was alot happier!
     
  3. Amyrose

    Amyrose Well-Known Member

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    Don't feel a failure Hun alot of people find it so hard to bf. My boobs were like yours and so full my baby found it hard to latch on. Nobody will judge you for bottle feeding. If you do want to do both I know a few ladies that have done it successfully. It's your decision and either way grace will be just fine x
     
  4. Constantstar

    Constantstar Well-Known Member

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    I expressed a few times for Owen but the way to get him out of special care quicker was to bottle feed him so I did . When I stopped expressing my boobs went rock hard so i continued expressing and more and more time between thebetween them
    And how much I'd express until they were normal. I don't feel guilty . My baby is happy and healthy. That's all that matters to me :) x
     
  5. Smithy1980

    Smithy1980 Well-Known Member

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    Hey hun....please don't feel bad, you're doing the best thing for gorgeous grace and that's feeding your baby! I know it sounds corny but a happy mummy means a happy baby!

    I know how bloody hard bf is...I spent the first two weeks crying with bits of my nipple dropping off and it was hideous! You have to do what's best for you and for grace....big hugs and congratulations on your new arrival :) xxx


    Sent from my nearly buggared iPhone!!
     
  6. knopk@

    [email protected] Well-Known Member

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    Hi hun, breastfeeding ishard work esp for the first 6 weeks. If you want to do it, you still can but it takes commitment. In the end of the day happy mum-happy baby.

    I felt like a failure but I have low supply so I am mixed feeding.

    I do find breastfeeding very rewarding (once you sort the latch etc/).Was she just comfort sucking? I know they say not too but you can introduce a dummy?

    Whatever you decide to do, remember - your job is to feed Grace whichever way you choose to do it
     
  7. TiffanyJaynexo

    TiffanyJaynexo Well-Known Member

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    Thanks girls :) People keep telling me that (happy mummy - happy baby).
    I'm much happier bottle feeding yes, I just find making bottles awkward, especially because her feeding is all over the place right now. She was feeding every 2 hours yesterday but today it's different so yet again we're randomly making up bottles whenever we think she's hungry. My cousin told me to make bottles up and heat them using either the microwave for a few seconds or putting them in boiling water. I'm worried about doing that though because all I've been told by the health visitor was to boil the kettle, wait 20 mins for it to cool and then make a bottle for her. But when you've got a crying baby wanting food, waiting 20 minutes is horrible.

    So I've started cooling her bottles by putting them in a jug of cold water for a few minutes, It's much easier.
    I did want to express if I was breastfeeding. How would I heat up the bottles and where would I store the milk? I guess it is an option I could consider. I just want bottles ready for her whenever she's hungry because that waiting 20 minute thing is ridiculous.
     
    #7 TiffanyJaynexo, Dec 18, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2011
  8. Amy_J

    Amy_J Well-Known Member

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    I expressed directly into a bottle, and stored in the fridge. There was a thread about making up bottles. I from day one of bottle feeding used to make them up in advance, wait till they cooled and put in the fridge! ( even though this isnt reccmended, but it seems alot if people do it this way and i never had any problmsM!) I also found liquid milk a life saviour as i just poured the amount of oz into a bottle and heat it up in the microwave, obviosuly testing for hot spots.
     
  9. knopk@

    [email protected] Well-Known Member

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    What I do is sterilise bottles, boil the kettle, let it cool down and pour it into the bottles, put a lid on so the air doesnt get in. This way they will be at room temperature.

    Then make up a bottle and heat it in a boiling water - much quicker.

    You can store your milk in the fridge for 2 days I think, you can also add to the bottle during the day if you express couple of times (you will probably need to express not to get engorged).

    Heat it the same way ie in the boiling water
     
  10. knopk@

    [email protected] Well-Known Member

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    Yes, ready made is good for emergencies
     
  11. Amy_J

    Amy_J Well-Known Member

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    And just to add.... Expressing wasnt the nicest of experiences for me, if i missed an 'allocated expressing apot' so to speak, i found it every hard and painful. Lots of warm baths, and flannels, and i used to bite on a wooden spoon! I was happy enough to do it tho as my lo was tinyyyyy and i wanted him to have as much of my milk as i physically could express!

    Liquid milk yes amazing but he paid about 2euros a bottle!!!
     
  12. tinytoes

    tinytoes Well-Known Member

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  13. Amy_J

    Amy_J Well-Known Member

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    Thanks hun i cudnt work out how to copy and paste!
     
  14. Sarah13

    Sarah13 Well-Known Member

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    Don't feel a failure, bf is very exhausting, nobody tells you that! Your probably very hormonal just now too if your milk has just started to come in. It is normal for newborns to feed randomly and very frequently however they are fed, Kynon still feeds every 2-3 hours day and night, so I'm a bit of a zombie these days!

    Lots of people combination feed so it might work for you. Do you have a pump? You can store breast milk for 48 hours on fridge or 3 months in freezer. I keep it in a bottle in fridge or a breast milk bag in freezer. I warm it in an advent bottle warmer only takes a couple of mins. Maybe start a thread about best way of making up formula, I've not got a clue how you do that sorry!
     
  15. Franna75

    Franna75 Well-Known Member

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    Hello - i remember feeling exhausted too and wanting to stop as my boobs were killing me. Nothing had prepared my for how big, hard and painful they would be! So on the Monday (LO was born on Thurs) i got myself to a local breastfeeding class. They gave me lots of encouragement and showed me different ways. Feeding lying down was the best one for me, but as mentioned in other threads, its a bit contraversial.

    One of my boobs was so painful I expressed it, but he wouldn't latch on the other, so ended up expressing both very early on for a couple of feeds and it helped ease them. After first week, i was like a zombie plus my baby's father was acting like a real [email protected] and i just cried and cried and cried....but then one day it just got better. There are so many hormones flowing and its so overwhelming having a newborn. I felt like a milking machine for the first six weeks, he would feed the entire time.

    Try and have another go - maybe expressing will help? But if you choose to not do it, don't feel guilty, you are not a failure. Good luck and hope you get some quality sleep soon.
     
  16. Rachaellius

    Rachaellius Well-Known Member

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    :hugs: defo don't feel like a failure. I tried for the first 2days with Phoebe but I don't think I was expressing anything. Although the midwife insisted she was getting colostrum. But my boobs have never felt any different and I've tried to express but I can't get anything out of them, not a drop. Plus Phoebe has a bit of tongue tie so she had trouble latching on. The midwives though kept adding the pressure man handling me and moving Phoebe in loads of different positions and it was just getting very stressful and I was worried that Phoebe wasn't getting anything.
    The difference when switching to bottle though, it was just such a relief, I feel a lot less pressure and Phoebe is a lot less restless and sleeps better.
    Don't feel bad at all hun if your stressed she'll pick up on it, so long as she's fed, clean, warm and has a happy mummy thats all she needs :) xx
     
  17. Squeakz

    Squeakz Well-Known Member

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    Do not feel like a failure one bit!!!!!!!!!!! you shouldnt!!!!!!!!! this does sound very clicheed but its the truth happy mummy really does n mean happy baby! babies pick up on our emotions ie if we are stressed baby is etc...........I remember starting to bfeed joshua and honestly i wish i had the bravery to post a comment like you just have! I once fed j for 17 hours with an hour break i nthe middle it was hell and was getting me seriously deressed. not only did i start to resent myself but joshua everthing that that entailed. FOR me
     
  18. Squeakz

    Squeakz Well-Known Member

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    sorry - for me formul feeding was the best thing i could have done! if you still would like to bfeed tiff, there are groups like La Leche league or other bfeeding gropus that could help if you ask your HV.MW. Other wise do not feel guilt one bit! you're doing so much good my keeping yourself healthy....

    Massive hugs hun xx
     
  19. littlemiss83

    littlemiss83 Well-Known Member

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    At least you can say you've tried!! So I would defo say well done for trying.

    You have your own body/sanity to think about too - its never an easy decision.

    I was the same with my first, i've had a breast operation in the past (cancer) & really struggled to BF - had probs latching on & got mastisis (sp) & she fed hours & hours on end. All day & night it felt like, then after going thro that for a few weeks I ended up drying up. I cried about not being able to do it, its so so difficult.

    I dont think there's enough info out there for pregnant woman about BF'ing, I thought u just stick ur boob in their mouth, how difficult can it be, I didn't know ppl actually had probs. And that made me even more depressed as I thought I was only one. They tell ppl the facts on BF'ing from the start, rather than the MW's trying to "teach" you an hour after you've given birth

    :roll:
     
  20. TiffanyJaynexo

    TiffanyJaynexo Well-Known Member

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    I find that too littlemiss.
    Thank you all for the comments, I feel better.

    Thanks for the link to the other thread as well, That is so helpful!!
    I just found it really hard making up a bottle for her after waiting 30 mins for it to cool. I cried yesterday about it because I knew I could just get out my breast and feed her, but yes breastfeeding is very hard and exhausting :(

    I would love to stick it out but I don't think I will.
    As long as my baby girl gets fed, that's all that matters to me. Some baby's don't get fed at all.
    xxx
     

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