I feel bad for not breastfeeding :(

[vixxie77]

I had a terrible labour, 37 hours from first twinge to birth! Never thought it would be as bad as it was! Anyway I was totally exhausted by the time lo was born, no sleep, food and hardly any drink. So then bf'ing lo virtually 24/7 was really really hard! The amount of times I ended up intears because I was so tired! We started to give lo some formula at bedtime to try and get her to go through the night or partly anyway, this seemed to work. I gave up bf'ing after 4 weeks, partly because I was miserable but also it just didn't seem to be enough for lo, she was constantly feeding. I expressed as much as possible for about another 4 weeks until milk dried up, whilst giving her formula too. I just wish I'd got some support at the time.

Now I know what to expect, I will do a lot more next time to help me to continue. Still regret it sometimes but it was definately the best thing I could do for both of us They don't give you enough help in hospital these days with bf'ing, well not where I was anyway. They just stuck lo on my breast and left me to it! When my mum had us, they got a lot more support in hospital and the nurses made sure they were able to bd properly.

You are not a failure, no matter what you decide to do hun. Its one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, except labour that is lol x x

 

[hopefulmummy]

You have to be happy in yourself and make sure you aren't putting unnecessary stress on yourself. That said, yes, breastfeeding is hard work and takes a lot of commitment, esp in the early weeks, but the rewards are huge and I promise you, IT DOES GET EASIER.

I was lucky not to suffer sore nipples, but what I found incredibly hard, was the fact that you didn't know. Had no idea how much baby was getting etc etc. The fact that the baby is attached onto you so much is to tell your body to stimulate milk production. In a few weeks, that will get better. Do you have help/ support around you? I found this invaluable. My mum and hubby were amazing and did EVERYTHING for me, so all I did was sit on the sofa relaxing with a cup of tea and trying to learn how to feed. It is also a chance to be close to your baby. I literally came downstairs in the morning, sat on the sofa all day whilst people ran around me, and then went up to bed in the evenings with the baby!! I was so lazy! But I think without the support it would have been so much harder.

Also, expressing, esp in the early weeks, is no indication of how much your baby is getting. I remember getting quite distressed in the first few days, saying I couldn't see ANYTHING dribbling out of baby's mouth, there was nothing coming out of my boobs, and convinced I wasn't producing anything. However, just trust your baby, trust your body, and if your baby is latched on correctly, then things will start to feel natural.

Also, don't be afriad to call your midwife, HV and demand a home visit. I didn't need to do this, as I had my mum who jollied me up when I was down, understood my hormones, but I have recently requested this for some sleep help. Don't be afriad to ask for help - how else are we meant to know what we are doing?

As with anything, the hard work pays off, and as the baby gets older BF becomes even more lovely as they start to interact with you as they are feeding. I do think there is too much of a concentration on tiny babies sleeping long hours together when they are little - remember they have only just come out of you!

BUT, you must be happy, and try and rest and relax. If bottle feeding is a choice you make, be happy about it

Hugs xxxx

 

[Belfast girl]

I tried breastfeeding for 3 weeks through all the tears (baby and me) but I think I had production issues. I think I was starving her for the 1st 3 weeks of her life! Anyway the midwives just said why continue? Once we started giving bottles the tears stopped. I enjoyed life with my baby so much more. I did try and express for a bit longer but again I was told - would you not rather spend the time with your baby rather than infront of a pump?!!

I don't feel gulity about bottle feeding at all! If anything I feel a bit guilty about the first few weeks while we struggled with breast feeding!!

Loads of people do combination feeding spectactularly well - I just could not express enough.

I think your LO is so lucky to have someone who cares about her so much!

 

[Miss]

No one warns you how hard breastfeeding is in the first 6 weeks (As someone said above) because it is natural we are under the illusion that it is easy and it's not - it's painful, knackering, makes you feel chained to a seat constantly feeding - and you get so tired and grumpy you could just sit and cry!

At least thats how I remember it in the first few weeks lol The only reason I managed to get thru it was an extremely supportive partner and my other child who was 11 and so helpful and thoughtful!

Do not feel bad for not breastfeeding hun - you seriously need to do what is right for you! If formula was that horrible and nasty they would not allow it to be sold for babies.

There are some pretty hard drives on getting mothers to breastfeed at the moment and while I support that I also know it can cause ALOT of guilt in the mothers who just cannot do it for whatever reason.

Get rid of the guilt and know you are providing for your baby, enjoy them and don't spent this precious time worrying - before you know it they have grown and you will not get the time back. xx

 

[Alexandra84]

If you feel bad and have large painful breasts, why not give it a go again? Then you won't feel so bad because you definitely gave it your best shot . You can always make up more formula if it doesn't work out and it might releave the fullness in the breasts. Also, go down to your local breastfeeding support group and have a chat with the people there, you will find that you're definitely not alone in having had a shaky start.

Breastfeeding was hard work for me in the beginning (the first few weeks were very bad as my nipples got blisters lol!), and because your milk is digested so quickly they really do want to feed virtually every waking hour, but it does get easier quite quickly and you'll find that she'll become more settled and develop her own routine. Despite a hard first few weeks, now, if I could go back I wouldn't change a thing.

If it doesn't work out then definitely don't feel bad and go for the formula feeding. Sometimes things just don't want to work out and it wouldn't have been for lack of trying!

 

[hopefulmummy]

If you feel bad and have large painful breasts, why not give it a go again? Then you won't feel so bad because you definitely gave it your best shot . You can always make up more formula if it doesn't work out and it might releave the fullness in the breasts.

Definitely!

 

[Maria1977]

Don't feel bad hun at all, there alot of pressure to breastfeed, and yes breast is best but formula is defo not bad at all, there's alot of people out there raised on formula and are doing just as well as BF babies!

I did no research into breastfeeding at all, just thought it would be easy coz it's natural! OMFG lol Got the shock of my life. My son was on me all the time. I had the massive guilt though, I wanted to stop but I just couldn't and I'm still going now and can't stop lol

We've got baby #2 on the way and I've already decided that baby will be combi-fed from very early on. So baby will still be getting the good stuff at the start from me and I'll slowly move them over to formula. I just can't offer the same commitment next time.

Nobody tells you that what a hard job it's going to be!

Don't beat yourself up hun coz as long as your lo is happy and eating well, whether BF or FF it don't matter long as she is healthy.

xxxxxx

 

[Alexandra84]

PS - I forgot to say that for the first 3 days I was certain that she wasn't getting anything out of my breasts as my milk hadn't come in and she was constantly suckling. However, when the HV came on day five it turned out that she had actually gained 3 oz in that time (!) and most babies lose a bit of weight. So I had obviously been completely wrong and she had been getting plenty enough out all that time.

Now I have plenty of milk, but getting it out manually without a baby attached is like getting blood out of a stone lol.

 

[Maria1977]

never worry that your body isn't producing enough. Whether milk or colostrum it always will make what baby needs. When they are literally attached to you 24/7 it's because they need/want to be. if they weren't getting what they need from you honestly you would know. They would tell you by screaming when on you lol xxx

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

Thanks everyone, I feel a lot less guilty now.

I got my breast out last night and tried her with it because she was crying.
My OH was making her a bottle at the time.
She didn't want my breast and just continued crying, yet when we gave her the bottle she drank it all.
I was relieved! xxx

 

[JJ Mum]

Ahh hun, don't feel bad at all, you must do what works for you and baby, it's never as cut and dry as it sounds on paper. I bottle fed 3 babies, never managed it due to special care with two and was so put off didn't even try with the other, then was soo determined to with my last and managed it, but remember whichever way you feed them, they will all have great nuitrition and grow up just fine, so ignore all the pressure from midwifes Health visitors etc.

I would say perhaps express once a day to keep your milk in, incase you feel better and want to try it, that way your milk wont dry up, or perhaps combination feed.

If bottlefeeding to answer your questions about bottles, wasting feeds and warming up?
I used to make up the bottles with boiled water , seal up and let them cool in order on the counter.
Then when baby wanted a feed I used to use the 3 compartment tubs for formula powder , avent do one, and you just tip it in to your bottle and shake, no warming, required , room temp milk ok for baby, if they dont want it after all, then seal and pop in the fridge!!! yayyyy

Also this method is great for night feeds, just take 3 bottles and a tub of premeasured formula powder and put by the bed- easy

If breastfeeding then sounds like baby is comfort feeding, I would take off breast and take baby out for a walk in pushchair, just to break up the feeds and get you out feeling less like a dizry cow, and slp on the lansinoh cream after every feed

Good luck Hun , it really does get easier

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Babe don't feel like a failure I know how u feel with my first two I tried and failed and it's upset me ever since, especially as my sister found it so easy.. I've been through hell and back bf lilyanna with very sore nipples and deep thrush to top it off for nearly two weeks was agonizing and I cried while feeding her it hurt so much but I've pushed past it and finally doing it right! If you really want to bf keep trying my biggest bit of advice is nipple shields!!! Amazing invention!!! I needed them with Ellie but my dumbass ex didn't get them for me so I had to give up.. When they hurt I get in a hot bath and lay on my tummy to soothe them and it really helps! She may be a sucky baby like lily and Jaycee was so a dummy is good for that!! They both needed dummies in hospital coz they were feeding for hours! If she's hungry she will spit it out don't worry!!
If your heart is set on bf keep trying if you can't then don't feel like a failure I know it's hard to give up trying but end of the day baby needs milk one way or another

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Oh and the lasinoh cream is fantastic!!! The nipple shields stop the cream coming off so it stays on longer too!