Bit of a 'guilt' moan

[Toni.C]

I've felt guilty from the first day my LO was born and I understand that as a mummy there's never a day that goes by when you won't feel guilty. I just feel like I need to get it off my chest as 6 months on it still upsets me.
I'm sick of feeling guilty that I didn't have a labour.
I'm sick Of feeling guilty that I had "the easy way out" with a section.
I'm sick of feeling guilty that I didn't breast feed or even attempt to.
I feel guilty that we don't go to mother and baby groups, and don't have "mummy friends"
I'm fed up of feeling bad that I started him on solids at 17/18 weeks old who "the guidelines say wait until 6months".
I feel guilty that we don't go out and do stuff everyday. Some weeks we might not go out at all apart from a mooch down the road or walking the dog and the occasional visitor.

Sometimes I feel like such a crap mum

 

[OMGbabyno3]

You don't need to feel crap.

Is there a reason you don't go out or go to groups? I ask cos I've started to feel bad about this too. Have looked at some so May start next week.

I used to feel bad about not having labour, but I'm fine with it now...it looks painful!

I felt bad that my milk wasn't good enough and had to combi or bottle feed after a few weeks

I feel bad when I shout at my older ones, or when I just want to be on my own.

This, I think, is what we have in store for us for the rest of our life time. But, you know what...it's worth it.

Don't compare yourselves to others

Don't compare your baby to others.

Be happy and enjoy it xx

 

[El1en]

Don't feel guilty! Your child is alive... Well done! It sounds silly but someone said to me sometimes / some days as long as you're both alive you're doing a great job.

You didn't have a labour / didn't breast feed, so what?! You still have a healthy child and in reality no one needs to know what happened to get your child to this point so stop putting pressure on yourself!

There really is no "easy way out" to anything when parenting

I don't go to mother and baby groups, and there are plenty of days when I don't leave the house, I've done going out loads but sometimes for my sanity we need to stay home and chill.

You're not a crap mum, don't compare yourself to anyone

 

[littlemonkey]

Don't feel guilty about any of it! Is your baby happy and content? If yes, then that says its all!

I've had two boys, both csections, neither breastfed. I do lots of things the recommended advice is against, making bottles up in advance, moved eldest into his own room at three months, started weaning both at four months. We don't do baby groups either with my youngest. I found with my first that the groups are more for mums than babies.

I don't feel guilty about any of it, because I've done everything I have with my childrens best interests in mind.

Trust me there are a lot worse things you could be doing as a mother.

 

[H16]

Oh hun let me tell you:
I formula fed from day 1.
I started weaning at 14 weeks.
I never go to baby groups.
We have times where we don't venture out much either.

Do I feel like a crap mum? No. I'm not a crap mum and neither are you.

I formula fed as couldn't get my head round breast feeding, tried it a couple of times even though I intended to formula feed even before she was born and after trying it I knew I made right choice to formula feed. Breast feeding is not for everyone. As long as your baby is fed and growing you are doing everything right.

My daughter was constantly hungry and always crying so I ignored the 6 month rule and started weaning her at 14 weeks on mashed up rusk and milk and she turned into a happy content baby so I knew I made the right choice for my child. All children are different and all this stuff about not feeding before 6 months is a bit OTT on my opinion, it depends when your child is ready. My mum fed me rusk from 12 weeks and it did me no harm.

I am a very shy person when meeting new people and making new friends and to me there is nothing worse than the though of going to baby groups and forcing myself into uncomfortable situations that make me feel anxious. So I didn't. I take my daughter to things like soft play (not every week I might add) and run around with her and she will go up and try and interact with other kids on her own and is very happy. So I'm happy.

Some weeks we go out everyday and other weeks we go out once. I just play it by ear depending on weather, daughters mood, how much money I have in the bank etc. If we stay in daughter has loads of toys/painting etc to do and is quite content so I don't worry about it.

Not everyone mothers in the same way hun but as long as your child grows up knowing you love them and are there for them that is what matters, not how many times they went to a baby group.

My daughter is nearly 2 now by the way and it has been like this for the whole 2 years. I went through a stage like you where I felt guilty but then I look at how happy my child is, how amazing her development has come on etc and I feel happy I am doing a good job. When she turns three I will be sending her to nursery anyway so I am enjoying my time with her now

Don't feel bad about the section either, my labour was 29 painful hours long with loads of tearing and an episiotomy etc, took ages to heal and it wasn't pretty. Sex was pretty bad for at least 6 months after as everything really hurt and felt weird. You didn't miss out trust me!

Keep your chin up, you are dong great xxxxxxx

 

[Ella1979]

I agree with all of the above.

I've had two sections (one emergency, one planned, neither time did I have a labour). A section is not the easy way out as usually it's done to save the life of the baby and/or mother.

I didn't breastfeed. I did try, but I never got any milk due to my health at the time of my daughter's birth and after my son's birth, I just didn't produce enough because of the bp meds I was on. I felt guilty for a long time about not breastfeeding my daughter. I refused to feel guilty about this after having my son, but there is still a small part of me that would have loved to have been able to provide for my babies that way.

Not all babies like baby groups. I went to a baby sensory course when my daughter was little (she loved it) and took my son to one (he hated it, we only did 3 of the 6 sessions). I have only 1 friend I've met through becoming a mummy and we meet every few weeks or so. I see another friend (old school friend) with a toddler every few months. My kids go to nursery twice a week, so on the 3 days off we usually spend at least one of these days at home. Sometimes we go for walks, but other times we'll just play indoors or in the garden.

My mummy friend started her daughter on solids really early and she seems to be doing fine on it. I didn't with mine, but one was premature the other just kept pushing out of his mouth!

As long as you're doing what you think is best, you will be doing the best for your LO and are definitely not a crap mum! xx

 

[Rooster30]

You're not crap. Sod the baby groups. I learnt with my first that they are not fun. I also suffer with social anxiety and it just wasn't worth it. I've decided that my daughter will not be going to any. Especially since she has three young cousins and a brother and more of my friends are having children - she can be social with them instead. My son goes to preschool now so no need for horrible toddler groups either.

I am suffering with guilt at the moment also, because I had PND with my son but thankfully not with my daughter. I feel guilty that I'm enjoying her so much, it makes me feel bad and guilty because my son didn't get the same mummy as she did, iykwim?

Don't feel guilty about any of it. As others have said, if your child is happy and contended then you are doing a super job

 

[kumber]

I saw a post on Facebook that said something like

I had water birth, breast fed both my babies to 12 months, weaned onto homemade food, did baby wearing, etc., etc.

Now my children will only eat chicken nuggets, fight with other children and ..... (I can't remember the rest)


Basically the point was it doesn't matter how you start off, it has no bearing on how they behave when they're bigger. We don't go out to any baby groups and ds1 is 14 months. We don't go out every day, like you we spend whole weeks at home excepting a trip to Asda or my granny's.

Don't feel guilty, your LO is healthy, fed and most importantly loved. That makes you the best mum!

 

[Toni.C]

Aww thank you girls! X

I was feeling so down yesterday and I think pmt had a part to play too!
I guess you can't help but compare yourself to others mum, we're all different and I need to remember that. More importantly I have a happy healthy little Boy!x

 

[MissyAK]

I'm so happy I read this, I too have been feeling this way.
I took my son to soft play today, he's only 7 months bless him and he didn't know what to make of the place. He was feelng a little scared by the older kids there and I thought to myself, it's because I haven't taken him out as much, as soon as I got home he was his usual loud self.

I have been feeling guilty about his weigh, and keep thinking did I not offer him enough milk. I think guilt and worry comes as a package when we become mothers.

Like everyone else has said, as long as he's happy and content you should be too.
As the SMA ad goes, you're doing great x

 

[JJ Mum]

I have 6 kids, they are alive and most of the time happy, there are no hard and fast rules on parenting, you make the rules, don't feel guilty about anything... Kids do this to you , turn you into a worrier, it's their job!

I bottle fed 3 kids and then breastfed the last 3 kids
I always wean at 16 weeks onwards 4 mths- that's what the advice was in 1999-2002 when I had my first three, so i have done it with my others.. Health visitors don't like it , but it's your choice.

Ive only had sections, now ive not had labour, it must be equally awful but a section is so not the easy way out, it'sblooming hard work recovering while looking after a tiny baby and /or other kids, i used to feel guilt for the normal labour i never had, but not now, be proud of your birth - you did that x

I go to the shops everyday by pushchair/ walking , not exciting but my son and baby get out, we collect leaves on the way, feathers, stones, talk etc, you dont have to always do anything like a group, we stopped as my son was naughty because I was trying to take two to a group and couldn't watch the older one so well, and now there are not many groups I can make on.

As your lo gets older you will naturally meet other mums, dont worry about it too much now.

 

[clairebear22]

I chose to bottle feed my boys, some weeks we never left the house. I weaned my first Son at 16 weeks, my second son wasn't ready so I waited until he was 20 weeks by which time he was more than ready. We went to one toddler group every weds for a year and in that year I'd say a total of 4 other Mum's spoke to me. Other than that I spoke to a Nan quite regularly and we sat and moaned about nobody talking to us! haha!

It's only now that my oldest has started school and my youngest has started preschool that we go out everyday. And that's only because we have to, we're quite happy mooching around at home! Don't get me wrong we love going places but there is nothing wrong with being together at home?!

As long as your children are fed, clothes, thriving, happy and loved, you Parent however you see fit! Never feel guilty for it!