Big Surname Problem

[mollythemama]

Hi there!

My partner and I are not married so we have different surnames.

My partner has a TERRIBLE surname, he was bullied at school for it and it really is just truly awful. It's embarrassing anytime he has to tell anyone. He is his fathers only son, so is the only one to pass the family name down. His father is always a little proud of him for carrying it around with him. With our chosen baby name, it's going to sound even worse with that surname though, almost a joke name like Ben Dover or something (not that though ) - the baby CAN'T have that surname!!!

My partners late mothers maiden name is lovely, and we'd both be happy with that. My partner would love to change his name to that, especially for his mother. However, he is afraid to tell his father that as we think it will upset him. My surname is alright, it's German and very unusual. However, I have two brothers who will no doubt pass down the name, so I am not bothered about our child having that name.

As we are not married, we are not allowed to name our child a surname that neither of us currently have. This is the dilemma.

I do not feel 100% comfortable naming our child with my surname as I feel it's disrespectful to my partners father (and no, this is not a gender/feminism issue, it's just down to my family morals). I am not ruling this out completely - anything to not have my partners name!

What I am wondering, is whether you think it would be possible to have a double-barrel name (even if just temporary, until we are one day married), with MY SURNAME-HIS MOTHERS MAIDEN NAME or vice versa?

It's starting to really confuse me and with the due date nearing, I'd like to be able to have a plan.

Thanks in advance x

 

[snowbee]

I think in your situation I would be giving the baby my surname. If I then got married at a later date (and was going to take my husbands name, be it the original or changed by deed poll name) then I would also change the babies name to the same.

I personally wouldn't double barrel to Your surname-his mothers maiden name, unless your partner has already changed his name by deed poll at the date of the registration of birth, as it would be weird to have the baby called a name that doesn't officially belong to either of you. If he has changed it by that date then I would consider this too.

 

[russellmuscle]

^ I second Snowbees second point.

Me and my partner arent married, he got his fathers surname - because aside from being the only boy able to carry down the name - its tradition, my OH is very involved so I wouldnt ever then give J my name knowing that my OH is the dad.

I see that your situation is different because I would maybe be thinking the same way if my OH had an awful name, like really awful enough for you to post and worry about it lol. I would say if OH changes his name by deed poll then I would think giving baby the name he has with or without yours is fine? However like SB says I wouldnt have my child with a surname that didnt match mine or OHs.

My SIL has a double barrelled name for both of my nieces. They are Her name-Dads name, they got married and at school Beth is known by her dads surname as the first part of the double barrelled is dropped.

Its a very personal choice.

 

[Phoenix85]

I'd use your name too.

This is an issue in my house.

My eldest has their dad's surname. We weren't married but I thought we would get married as we were engaged, so I let my eldest be named with his dad's surname. Only he had no intention of marrying me (didn't realise that til later)

When I had my second we agreed to double-barrel it and she's my name-his name.
But he does annoying things like sets up accounts on her tablet or email address just with HIS surname and completely omits mine. So I do the same now and refer to her as [first name] [my surname] as much as I can.

Oh and just to clear up the confusion, we split up when our youngest was almost 2yrs old.

My eldest also has decided they don't like their dad's last name (It's also slightly embarrassing) and asked to change their name (first and last name, last name to my surname) but his dad got all butt-hurt and wouldn't allow it.

He will change it by deed poll when he's 16 though if not before, that's what he wants to do.

Anyway, personally I' do as Snowbee says and give the baby your name and tell your partner you'll change both your names if & when you get married.

 

[mollythemama]

Thanks for your responses. It really is an awful name lol!
It's not very good timing for OH to change his name by deed pole at the moment, so we can't go ideal choice.
Pheonix, what if we never did get married? We're not technically engaged, it's just something we talk about for in the future!! Surnames definitely sound complicated in your family, and sounds like you have name wars lol!
I think we'll probably just go for my surname, and not tell partners dad until the topic arises

 

[Phoenix85]

Pheonix, what if we never did get married? We're not technically engaged, it's just something we talk about for in the future!!

In my opinion if you never get married and your baby ends up with his name or referred to with his name only, it could end up being an issue for you.

When my eldest was younger I was always getting called Mrs B*** as that surname was my child's surname. But we weren't married and my name was still down as my name (like at the Drs surgery and school etc) but they still just saw my child's name and assumed. It drove me mad lol.

 

[Juice]

I'm dying to know what this surname is!!

 

[russellmuscle]

I once had to phone a patient called Fanny Cummings. One of the hardest straight faces Ive kept whilst on the phone.

She was such a sweet old lady, awful name though.

xxxx

 

[lisa1985]

I once had to call a patient called Mike Hunt! Say it fast

 

[Jojo84]

my mother once knew an anette curtain, also a theresa green who married and ended up theresa wood and my husbands unlces initials are p.brain

it happens

id personally go with your name under this circumstance.

 

[mollythemama]

Ok all of your examples have made me feel better about it!
It's not THAT bad...
Well, it is quite actually.

It's Mycock. With our chosen baby name, it's going to sound dreadful!

LOL

 

[Juice]

Ok all of your examples have made me feel better about it!
It's not THAT bad...
Well, it is quite actually.

It's Mycock. With our chosen baby name, it's going to sound dreadful!

LOL

You know, I once knew someone with that name and when I read this thread, I thought of him immediately!!

I've heard worse, but I totally see where you're coming from!

 

[russellmuscle]

I dont think Id have a Jackson Mycock... Fair play to you

xxxx

 

[mollythemama]

Haha I don't think any first name really works with it to be honest :/

 

[Loula]

Just vetoe Paul and Phil straight away haha x

 

[Allthingsgirly]

Now intrigued to know what your chosen name now

 

[clairebear22]

My Sister's married name was Woodcock! They're divorced now but she hated the name from start to finish!

I once knew a man who's surname was Lillicrap ...... he changed it as soon as he was old enough!

 

[Maid of Kent]

Is your chose name Robin? If it is then definitely use your surname x

 

[Eryinera]

I wouldn't use nick or nikki either lol. There is alternative spelling's of the surname thar may be a possibility Maycock and Meacock as it's not so glaringly... suggestive.... I think the surname cones from Mathew who struts about like a cock I would guess (most cock surnames are about people strutting like male chickens or naybe peacocks... not sure.... but it must have been a popular pass time way back when lol)

I don't want OH's surname it's not bad it just... it's a boys name and I love the name Erin rose for a girl and it just sounds.... bad. I want to use his mum's maiden name or my surname. My surname is effing awesome I don't want to lose it lol.

 

[russellmuscle]

I dont wanna lose mine but thats a family pride thing.

Id quite happily not have someone ask if my dad or uncle or brother or grandpa is called Jack (russell) or do I like Brussell Sprouts and no, I dont. They stink.

As you can see, I settled with the fabulous alter ego russellmuscle, she was created in college and is rarely used, unless by OH because I sometimes call him DiscoDick

I suppose Ive always been semi traditional. Not into getting married to young however would not refuse baby his family name. Unless it was Mycock, sorry but theres not a chance knowing the stick I got for being a Russell.

xxx