Being un-married

[Dragonfly Fi]

Some people just dont see marriage like that Piglet...

We got married because it made sense, not because of some idea of it being the perfect day or whatever. We might have a big party and a handfasting in a year or so's time, we might wait 10 years. Depends how we feel but i very very much doubt that us having done the 'legal' bit a year or so early, will greatly affect how our dawn handfasting and big party goes. If anything, the 140 quid we have already spent out will be good because we wont have to worry about it.

Unless you are getting married in a church, it makes absolutely no difference if you have done the legal bit before hand. If anything its just one less thing to worry about

 

[dyscochick]

i'm finding this thread really interesting because for years I thought the same, a wedding wouldn't change anything, but for some reason last year i started to feel that i wanted it. still knew nothing would change, and was pregnant and happily going to get married after the birth. I think piglet10 has a point that you want to be sure you don't want it to be a big deal in the future, but if you are sure and want to change your name, what the objection to getting married? I'm facing the opposite, getting married but not changing my name, so literally nothing will change. If and when i get a LO they will have OH's name but because of my job, scientist, i have a professional name and i travel with work so its just easier if my two names are the same. most people in my position do that but non scientist friends don't really get it.

btw if you do want to get married, you have to give a minimum of 14 days notice, ie see the registrar and do the legal docs 14 days before the wedding, i quite like that idea unless you object to the fundamental basis of marriage, nothing to stop you renewing your vows and having a big wedding later on if you do change your mind!

 

[littlemiss83]

Your right piglet, it would be horrible if it wasn't how I want, but I think if it was the 3 of us (plus 2 witnesses) it would be quite romantic. We're never gonna be able to have the big white wedding anyway, coz OH and all his fam are catholic all mine are protestant, so organising it would be a nightmare. Plus the 2 families dont really get on.

I have a funny feeling if it did happen it wouldn't be for quite a while. Might go for the name change first & marriage after baby comes....so confusing, no point in me thinking too much about it til i've spoken to OH.

 

[Piglet10]

personal opinion, but if it was me i wud rather do it when the time is right emotionally financially everything but yes, its each to their own xx

 

[Piglet10]

my friend done her wedding for a grand total of £3000 as have some of the ladies on here, and very respectable looking it doesnt have to cost the earth i may be shallow but its the one day a woman gets to wear a big white dress and be a princess and it is priceless xxx

 

[littlemiss83]

My eyes nearly went out on stalks there when you said 3k. looooool I defo cant be affording that at least for a year or 2 anyway. I know ppl pay thousands & thousands. Having a lovely dress ect would be nice. I'm having trouble getting access to my savings as it is.

Just wanting to get this stoopid name changed, thats my priority tbh.

 

[Bunnykins]

I was with my oh for 10 years and we were both against marriage for the same reasons as most on here that we didn't need it, were happy as we were etc, but literally one morning we both woke up and were like I think we'd like to do it now!!! 6 mths later we had a lovely registry office wedding. The only thing that changed after was that noone asked us when we were getting married anymore and i called oh husband rather than partner.
So I can see both sides, and I am glad we waited until it was something we wanted rather than being pressurized into it years earlier as we got the perfect day we really wanted, I think you have to do what you want to do as a couple, and there is nothing wrong with not being married but there is equally nothing wrong about getting married, its the people who judge others on their relationship status that are wrong and it shows more about their own relationship issues that they feel they can pass judgement on someone else's so just ignore them hon x

 

[spice]

...there is nothing wrong with not being married but there is equally nothing wrong about getting married, its the people who judge others on their relationship status that are wrong and it shows more about their own relationship issues that they feel they can pass judgement on someone else's so just ignore them hon x

completely agree with this 100%

people really do like to make judgements, when really they should be looking at their own lives! when we told the majority of our friends we were expecting our first child a lot of them asked if we'd be getting married before he was born. we made a clear point that just because we we're having a baby didn't mean we were going to get married! though we did want to be married before we had children, life planned differently, but we're happy with our little family the way it is for now

you said you'd talked to your OH didn't you LittleMiss?!? did he have anything to add?!? at the end of the day though only you and him know what's right for you and when, and don't let anyone tell you other wise! x

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

3k :O

Thats Way more than we will spend on our wedding!

let see

homemade elderflower champers = 100 for LOADS (thats the ingredients to make it)
homemade ciders and ales = 200

squatting the venue (at dawn, its outside, no one will mind)

gonna make a phat massive fry up for a wedding breakfast for the maybe 20 people at the handfasting = 60

Jim is doing the ceremony = 0

mead for the ceremony = 10

my dress = 400 (i know, but i will be buying a corset and making the rest so it will all be re-usable)

hiring the field and tent = 100

hiring pauls rig and some DJs = 100

Thats IT baby!

grand total 970 quid!

i might buy Jasper and Ivy little outfits too - so lets say a maximum spend of 1500 for arguments sake


3000 is LOADS!!

 

[littlemiss83]

I was with my oh for 10 years and we were both against marriage for the same reasons as most on here that we didn't need it, were happy as we were etc, but literally one morning we both woke up and were like I think we'd like to do it now!!! 6 mths later we had a lovely registry office wedding. The only thing that changed after was that noone asked us when we were getting married anymore and i called oh husband rather than partner.
So I can see both sides, and I am glad we waited until it was something we wanted rather than being pressurized into it years earlier as we got the perfect day we really wanted, I think you have to do what you want to do as a couple, and there is nothing wrong with not being married but there is equally nothing wrong about getting married, its the people who judge others on their relationship status that are wrong and it shows more about their own relationship issues that they feel they can pass judgement on someone else's so just ignore them hon x

Thanks for sharing your story. If you dont mind me asking, did you have a fancy ceremony at the registry office with all your friends & family and party afterwards or was it a very simple wedding? It defo sounds like the sort of thing me and OH would do.

 

[spice]

so i've just checked online where my parents got hitched and it would have cost them £110.50 to get married at the registry office and the only other money they spent was on their rings (which was about a grand but like i said platinum and welsh gold) . . . my grandparents brought us the "wedding breakfast" at a little restaurant right by a small river estuary! oh and my parents spent one night in a b&b which cost them £60 so not to bad really!

BigBump, that sounds so lovely! x

 

[littlemiss83]

Spice I still haven't spoken to OH. We have a laugh sometimes about the fact that i'm officially "single" and that some handsome stranger could come along and marry me loool

I'm defo gonna have a chat soon, gonna try & grab the right time. I dont necessarily want to get married but I wanna put the suggestion 2 him about & get his reaction, I know that if he wasn't really into it i'd 100% not be able to do it. He's anti-marriage but I think a part of him likes the idea if that makes sense.

I dont even think i'd have £1000 to spend on a wedding tbh, not in the next few months anyway, we've just spent a small fortune getting new kitchen & bathroom fitted in house & buying all the stuff for baby & a very expensive holiday so it would either need to be a very cheap wedding or nothing. Would rather sort out the name thing before baby is registered so my new name would be on the birth cert!

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

Ah the rings! Might cost a little bit more, though we are getting a friend to carve them out of ebony and set them with welsh gold so they probably wont cost too much.

 

[littlemiss83]

They sound lovely BB

 

[FebMum2Be]

I love seeing everyones different opinions on marriage and the actual day I have no idea what my wedding will be like (if I ever get married )

 

[knopk@]

My friend spent £100 on a dress off ebay + veil for £25 I think + bits and bobs and then they went to a restaurant to celebrate. And they had a friend taking photos, it was lovely!

 

[dyscochick]

two websites for you, preloved and sellmyweddingdress.co.uk, both have fabulous bargains on beautiful wedding dresses. My dress is the shops (i got fitted out of curiosity) was well over £2000, am getting the same dress second hand for less than £1000 and will get it adjusted to fit etc still saving a bomb! worth it for ALL budgets! and look out for sample sales too!

 

[BevG]

when we get married (OH says sometime in the future lol) we will have registry office do, argos simple rings and a BBQ at my parents house after as the actual ceremony/day isnt important to either of us, its the meaning behind the commitment and the 2nd name i want lol.

 

[FebMum2Be]

That's lovely Bev, is it bad that I actually want the big day my sisters wedding cost around 12k and she didn't have really expensive things, her dress was £600, bridesmaid dresses were £100 each, she got our shoes from Amazon for £15 each, she wore a diamond band on her head from Claires Accessories, earrings from River Island.. The mens suits were hired, I think it was the venue, honeymoon, photography and cars were the main chunk, her honeymoon was 3k but it was a once in a lifetime trip, vegas and mexico.. They saved for 2 years, and we all helped out, daddy paid for the venue, M's parents paid for the honeymoon, me and my 2 brothers paid for the entertainment,her friends paid for the cake (all instead of presents).. There was about 180 guests so that took quite a chunk for meals too.. It's not the actual cost I'm worried about, If I could get the wedding I want for a fraction of the cost I'd be over the moon lol but I do like the idea of a big day and a whole family get together, have also heard of people going abroad or going to get married alone with witnesses and having a party a few weeks after for everyone to get together to celebrate x

 

[ISH]

Weddings are horrendously expensive, aren't they? I would have had a nervous breakdown if I'd had to do everything myself, so I hired a wedding planner and it was the best thing I could have done, she got me lots of brilliant deals and was incredibly supportive.