At my wits end with hubby...what shall I do??

[GregorysGirl]

Hi ladies....
Im looking for some advice.

My DH is the type if guy who doesnt tend to get excited until things actually happen....or till he cn hold something in his hand.

So...I have given him some leeway for not being a giddy kipper whilst ive been pregnant.
Even last time before our miscarraige he wasnt excited. Baby was totally planned n wat we both wanted.

Feb 2010 he bought a classic car which needed alot if work doin to it n since being pregnant...I gsve admittedly given him a deadline...so that his weekend can b spent with me n jnr...not tinkering in the shed.

He is making alot of progress with it which is good......but he seems so disintrtested in me n bump. doesnt want t put his hand on it...watch it kick...not arsed abt name talk...doesnt wanna get involved in any talk of plans once its here......this makin me feel so upset..alone...unloved...and its made me question if hes truely botheted abt the baby.

Now..ive made excusez for him n think ive done the right thkng by lettin him fulfill his dream...byt this baby is.my drean too!!! I keep tellin myself....its just him.n he'll get excited when he or she is here...but when he gets more excited over a shiney new part for the car than seeing his baby move...it just makes me question everything. Somedays I dnt even get asked how I am...despite gavin a very stressful job n having told him...its been makin me feel sick.

I really am happy for my friends n those if u with doting hubbys who rub their back n talk to bump...but im lost for how to resolve this cos a result we keep arguing...I end up sobbin n that usnt good for the baby at all.

Has anyone else experienced similar or have any advice....cos the only tng I can think t do us go somewhere on my own t make him realise....mind u...after sobbin last night n again this morning...he has merrily gone downstairs t watch formula 1!!!!!

I do adore my hubby guys...dnt think hes nit a good person....but I just dnt know how to cope with this.


Big hugs...joy xxxxx ( angry...sad...upset..lonely)
P.s sorry for the long post xxxx

 

[TORino]

Aw

I don't have advice as such but my husband is the same really. He's not that interested in talking about/preparing for baby. I try not to let it eat me up tbh. He has told me in the past that as we mc the last baby he doesn't want to get too sucked in to stuff yet which I understand and can sympathise with a bit. They don't have the same experience and bond with the baby from the off like we do hun. Try not to let it upset you. Xx

 

[BabyBrain]

I kind of know how you feel hunny, like we are going through this all on our own when it took two to do. Although my oh is excited about Bertie and is taking notice of him, he seems to think we have all the time in the world to get things sorted.
I am desperately trying to find us somewhere to live and broke down last night. When he asked me why I said I felt like a terrible mummy not even having a nursery to bring Bertie home to . He just sighed and said something will turn up. Well unless they give away free houses or flats if you get a high score on PS3 I very much doubt it .
It seems like they are trying to hang on to their carefree days before baby arrives. We unfortunately don't have that luxury.
Big hugs to you sweetheart xxxxxxxxxx

 

[nikki8092]

Just tell him plain and simple how him seeming disinterested is making you feel and you feel like you are doing it all on your own! Some men can be dense and dont realise when they are doing the wrong thing. xx

 

[Olive]

Hope you're ok.

I think it's just not as real for men. Sometimes I think it can be a pretty lonely being pregnant. You're the only one who feels everything iykwim, or is awake in the middle of the night.

xx

 

[Mrs CW]

My DH is exactly the same. He got a new mountain bike when I was about 14 weeks and hes pretty obsessed with it (he does say hes getting fit for LO and wants to go on family bike rides etc when LO is here). He refuses to talk to my bump and will only touch my stomach if I put his hand there. Since LOs movements have become more noticeable I do catch him watching my stomach from time to time.

We had an early mc before this pregnancy and OH did not want to talk about or prepare for baby until 20 weeks at least. I think it affected him more than he would say.

I would say give him time. With my DH I would bring up names and furniture etc then leave it a couple of weeks and bring it up again and he was more willing to talk about it. I also found a really nice website for baby clothes and said to him to get any bits he wanted which I think he really enjoyed as it gave him a chance to be invovled without anyone elses input.
Try not to let it upset you, as Torino says men have a completely different experience and bond it takes time. x x x

 

[GregorysGirl]

His famous line is usually...." Its not wats said / happns...its how its percieved'....so when he just said he does care...i said well its all abt how its percieved.
Ge doesnt get it....gave me 2mins of tv on pause n bk to the F1 x

 

[nikki8092]

one word. MEN!!

 

[Lulabell]

I agree that because it happens to us it's more real for us. Men are not going through it themselves so it's not as big a deal. God forbid if it was happening to them we wouldn't hear the end of it. Maybe you need to have a day with hubby where there is no distractions. Maybe go for a walk or something so that the conversation can't be avoided? Make a list of things you want to say but try to stay calm when saying it. I really hope you start to feel happier soon.xx

 

[l_maclean]

Men really are from a whole other planet. My DH is exactly the same, he looked so bored when I was showing him the pram the other day in John Lewis that I just wanted to cry. First time he felt a kick was cos I put his hand on my belly, and I still had to ask him if he could feel cos there was no reaction.

Saying that, since Thursday morning he has suddenly taken a wee interst in my bump, in that he's started poking it to see if he can make bubs kick, but this is usually more to wind me up.

Give ur hubby time, something will eventually catch his eye about LO, just be prepared - it may actually be the birth!!

Xxx

 

[kerry5a]

My OH is exactly the same! He doesn't get excited until its happens, makes you feel like you are having your baby on your own, and doing everything to get ready on your own. When I show him things for baby he just says yeah but no feedback, leaves me to decide everything...which I don't want to do. He goes football every Sunday in Kent, leaves at 7 and gets back about 4. His sister said about him giving it up after baby is here and he said he'll probably take the week off afterwards but he'll carry on. He loves it so like you and his car I wouldn't stop him, but a few weeks would have been nice! If it wasn't for the fact I heard him tell his mate he is so excited but crapping it at the same time and is terrified about seeing me in pain I would never know! He acts just like nothing is happening and it's no big deal, but I know when he sees his son that will all change and it will for you too hunnie xxx

 

[GregorysGirl]

Gosh....thanks everyone for bein so supportive.
I feel like i cnt talk to my friends n family abt this cos I dnt want them t have a bad opinion if him.
I even bought jnr a babygrow n bib with his fave racers logo printed on...but that doesnt seem t work...even sed it cud b bubs 'comin home outfit'....nope still not fussed.
Just sed i feel like runnin away....n he still hasnt switch tv off....just said 'dnt run away'.
Wat t do t get a response...shall i do a britany n go upstairs n shave my head...lol.
Thanks soooo much again...ur all amazing xxxx

 

[nikki8092]

turn the tv off, that will get his attention x Hope you can get it sorted hun, nothing worse than feeling alone whilst pregnant xx

 

[GregorysGirl]

God...he would b right peevd uf i did that...lol.
Tbh..he had promised t put final coat on the nursery walls tday but uve ended up makin myself feel si sick n headachy/weak after all the cryin...i cnt even b arsed t remind him....or ask him t do it.cis itll end in another arguement. ill just see uf he does it.
Plus hes hungover as we went to his friends halloween party last night n he had quite abit t drink.
And we need t do a food shop desperately but dnt tnk any amount if make up could sort my face out xxxx

 

[nikki8092]

aw hun, take some time out go have a relaxing bath and see if by time you have finished you can talk to him xx

 

[mummy2b19]

Aww Hun, my oh not quite the same but I keep picking up little bits like clothes etc and when I show them to him the only reaction I get is stop spending your money and that we don't need to buy stuff yet, he don't seem to realise how much we actually need to buy and that its going to cost a small fortune, I think that going for a walk together is a good idea tho then he can't avoid the conversation, hope u feel better soon xx

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

Liam was quite excited about the baby but i can relate in other ways. He is completely emotionless through most of life, he doesnt have a cheery disposition or a negative disposition, he just is

He does however, get REALLY excited about rugby, to the point where he will jump off the seat, but he didnt cry when our baby died, or get overly excited by getting married or anything

it gets me down sometimes and i have spoken to him about it, he says he doesnt understand it either, there is just something about rugby that excites him beyond anything else... any sport actually he says. I think that men are actually tuned different to us in this respect, i can enjoy sport and watch it and i can immerse myself in it also and know the teams and that gets me quite excited.. But i can find other things that i prefer that i can get as excited about!

With Liam its irrelevant wether he knows the teams or anything, he just LOVES sport, its like a different world from how i feel when i watch it

I dont blame him for it

With your OH i think there is something here that you both (him more) needs to realise

its really irrelevant wether HIS emotions are less than yours about such things, he should be showing interest (even if he doesnt believe it) because he loves YOU and he wants you to enjoy this time

this is the first time you will have this excited 'omg see what the baby did next' sort of excitment about these things, and he is denying you more than he realises by being non-plussed

If he doesnt have any strong feelings the other way (and if he does he should make them known to you) then basically he needs to start deliberately making an effort. It doesnt really MATTER if he is non-plussed, YOUR really excited and he should share that with you

its actually his job. Your growing a baby, he is supporting you. If hes not letting your happiness be valid then he is not supporting you

tell him to sort it out

 

[GregorysGirl]

Thanks sooooooo much guyz.
We finally.sat down n had big hugs...the type where ur both huggin so tight u cant let go....n had a big old chat.
He says wen the time comes he'll come into his own n he us really excited abt being a family...he just doesnt know how t show it.I told him he needs t make more of a big deal...tell me I look nice every now n then n look after me. he told
me i need t stop tryin t make everythin in the house perfect n try not t stress...n t tell him when I am stress.
Much more saud...but basically weve both made pronuses n we r gonna try talking AND listening more. gonna do things like hav a no tv night..which we used to...take the dig a walk tgether mre n hopefully get bk to how we were before i was preg n enjoy r last 3mnths if freedom xx
thanks again to everyonexxx

 

[BabyBrain]

Glad you've had a chat hun xxxxxxxx

 

[nikki8092]

glad you got it sorted xx