'at least you know you can get pregnant'

[purplepebbles]

I want to slap the next person who says that to me.

I'm feeling a little oversensitive today. I should've been 13 weeks, perhaps buying a few baby things. Instead I'm back at the bottom of the pile.

Yes I got pregnant once, but it ended. What if I don't fall pregnant again? What if I do and it goes tits up? I know I shouldnt think like that but have a feeling it's going to take us a while (took us a year first time) and I don't know if I can cope with that each month. I just want my little family. Some little person to snuggle up on the sofa with and read stories to, a little person to watch and grow into their own personalities.

Sorry for the post, feeling a bit sorry for myself today

 

[flisstebbs]

This comment always used to annoy the hell out of me too, even though I knew there was a shred of truth in it. I used to find it worse when people said nothing at all, ie avoided me as they didn't know what to say at all by the 4th mc. Unless you've had a mc, its impossible to know how it feels. In the aftermath of a mc, its difficult to see how close you might be to getting everything you want. If only we had a crystal ball, I think it would be easier to cope with a mc if someone told you when or if you would finally have a baby?

 

[mistyblue]

I know what you mean. I think people are trying to be nice, because they don't understand or they think it's the right thing to say. I would have been 18 weeks tomorrow and I lost six weeks ago today. I'm trying not to think about what could have been, but I wish people were a little more understanding. I'm so sorry for you hun.

I do wonder if I will be able to conceive again. It took us 18 months last time. I wish I'd had the chance to meet my little one and do all the things you mention in your post. I just have to believe my time will come, and so will yours. Stay strong hun x x x

 

[Boaz]

Even with the best intentions, people can be so insensitive!

 

[purplepebbles]

Thanks ladies xxx

I know that they mean well but as I said I may have been a bit oversensitive. The whole 'wasn't meant to be' phase annoys me too and people say that when they don't know what to say. I'm quite happy to talk about it, as it helps me deal with it all but people just tend to avoid the conversation when I do bring it up. I know it's cos they don't know what to say but I just would like them to listen.

It's so hard, I wish I did have a crystal ball but I guess life wouldn't be as 'interesting' if we knew what was going to happen xx

 

[gemloulau]

After I had Leo someone said to me 'at least it's good practice for when you give birth to a real baby'

Nearly fell over with shock, it wasn't meant maliciously, she was generally trying to be nice but felt so awkward and unsure of what to say to me that it came out quite badly.

It's hard to no what to say if you've not been through a loss yourself and people may think they mean well but come out with the worst thing in the world.

xx

 

[Lozzaste]

I think that phrase is THE MOST ANNOYING ONE I HABE EVER HAD TO ENDURE!
I actually think the next person who says it will get a slap! X

 

[Lou1103]

People keep saying this to me and i want to tell them where to
Go!!!

 

[stacesl3]

My friend said it just yesterday! Actually her exact words were 'well you can get pregnant so no problem there'!!! I wouldn't mind but she has suffered a MC in the past (at 38 weeks!) so surely she should know better. I think she meant in the best possible way though and was trying to be positive but it means nothing. x

 

[CARNAT22]

My consultant said it to me!!

Although he said it in a medical context, not passing the time of day.

I never had any problems getting pregnant, it was the staying pregnant that my body struggled with

xxxxx

 

[lisey]

What is wrong with these people, I know they may not know what to say but we all know to be sensitive and have compassion to someone suffering or going through a hard time. I too am finding all these comments hard to deal with at the moment, drives me crazy. Just wish people would think first before they come out with this stuff. I even had some stupid little GP tell me about my second miscarriage "its the best thing that could have happened"...what he meant was, it was better that it happened sooner if there was something wrong that would prevent a baby from surviving etc but he didn't exactly put it in the right way just a week or so after my loss! Grrrr x

 

[Lou1103]

Carnat, i have the exact same problem! Xxx

 

[nicejuicypear]

My consultant said it to me but I didn't mind that, as he means it narrows down the reasons. But from anyone else, no. At least I can get pregnant, yes, but each attempt to get pregnant costs me several thousand pounds. So yes, I'll just pop off and do that again then.

Gemloulau, I don't know if I could prevent myself from actually punching someone if I'd gone through what you have and they said that!

 

[Warsmith]

Hey, just wanted to say, I had that said to me as well by many different medical personel. It hurts so bad! After 8 losses... it is no bit of comfort at all.

 

[lozzalozza]

God I hated when people said that. I didn't want to just get pregnant I wanted a baby and it doesn't matter if you can get pregnant if your stupid body can't hold onto it. The other thing that really annoyed me was at my next booking in appt with the midwife she described my previous loss as a 'little miscarriage' LITTLE wtf does that mean!!!! Xxx.

 

[lisey]

God I hated when people said that. I didn't want to just get pregnant I wanted a baby and it doesn't matter if you can get pregnant if your stupid body can't hold onto it. The other thing that really annoyed me was at my next booking in appt with the midwife she described my previous loss as a 'little miscarriage' LITTLE wtf does that mean!!!! Xxx.

That's terrible, I would have been angry about that too xx