It's taken me weeks to pluck up the courage to write this because I'm utterly ashamed and it took me a while to admit to myself there was a problem, never mind anyone else. I apologise now if it turns into a novel but I need to get it off my chest.
I don't know how to put it or where to start, even thinking of the right words to say is so hard. Well here goes:
I'm not enjoying being a mum at the moment.
There I said it.
I'm finding it increasingly hard to cope. When Rubie was tiny I found motherhood easy and fun. She slept a lot and would happily play alone for a couple of hours. Now she's a bit bigger I'm falling apart. Rubie is quite active, ie she wont sit still, not even for a minute, especially in my arms. I feel rejected by her because she wont sit or lay with me. She shows no signs of recognition she never puts her arms up for me to pick her up, she doesn't smile at me much, sometimes she looks past me. She is almost constantly grizzly, I can't seem to please her. She wont sit in her chair, or her baby walker, or her pram, or anywhere to be honest, for more than 5 minutes. I'm constanly having to go and move her or pick her up. She doesn't cry when I leave the room, she'll cry whether I'm there or not. When daddy or grandma walk in they get a huge grin, when I walk in; nothing.
It's getting to the point where I'm not enjoying spending time with her. I know I'm a bad mother, what mother says that about their own baby, I don't need anyone to point that out I do know that. My mum used to ask to take her for a few hours and I would say no because I wanted her with me all the time, but now I am asking her to have her all the time. And because she always will, I ask even more. I look forward to my mum coming and taking her, I look forward to her naps and bedtime.
I just don't know how to entertain her, how to interact with her. Every night I go to bed and look at her sleeping and cry because I feel so guilty about the way I have been feeling and that I don't spend enough quality time with her. But I can't even bring myself to spend a full day with her because I find myself getting stressed and don't want to lose my temper with her because it's not her fault. I look forward to OH coming home and if he is busy I well up because he isn't going to take her off my hands. He is playing with her now while I am typing this. I should be there playing with her too but I'm not, I'm being selfish and sitting on the computer.
I love her more than anything and hate myself for feeling like this.
Please someone help me find a way to enjoy my daughter again.
I don't know how to put it or where to start, even thinking of the right words to say is so hard. Well here goes:
I'm not enjoying being a mum at the moment.
There I said it.
I'm finding it increasingly hard to cope. When Rubie was tiny I found motherhood easy and fun. She slept a lot and would happily play alone for a couple of hours. Now she's a bit bigger I'm falling apart. Rubie is quite active, ie she wont sit still, not even for a minute, especially in my arms. I feel rejected by her because she wont sit or lay with me. She shows no signs of recognition she never puts her arms up for me to pick her up, she doesn't smile at me much, sometimes she looks past me. She is almost constantly grizzly, I can't seem to please her. She wont sit in her chair, or her baby walker, or her pram, or anywhere to be honest, for more than 5 minutes. I'm constanly having to go and move her or pick her up. She doesn't cry when I leave the room, she'll cry whether I'm there or not. When daddy or grandma walk in they get a huge grin, when I walk in; nothing.
It's getting to the point where I'm not enjoying spending time with her. I know I'm a bad mother, what mother says that about their own baby, I don't need anyone to point that out I do know that. My mum used to ask to take her for a few hours and I would say no because I wanted her with me all the time, but now I am asking her to have her all the time. And because she always will, I ask even more. I look forward to my mum coming and taking her, I look forward to her naps and bedtime.
I just don't know how to entertain her, how to interact with her. Every night I go to bed and look at her sleeping and cry because I feel so guilty about the way I have been feeling and that I don't spend enough quality time with her. But I can't even bring myself to spend a full day with her because I find myself getting stressed and don't want to lose my temper with her because it's not her fault. I look forward to OH coming home and if he is busy I well up because he isn't going to take her off my hands. He is playing with her now while I am typing this. I should be there playing with her too but I'm not, I'm being selfish and sitting on the computer.
I love her more than anything and hate myself for feeling like this.
Please someone help me find a way to enjoy my daughter again.
) I am happy to be back at work. when i was not working, sometimes looking after Thomas was difficult. and there were some days I did not like being a mum. I was tired and all I was doing was looking after Thomas. i felt depressed, like i had no identity at all and each time Thomas was crying i felt like i could just go out of the house and be on my own for a while ( which is not possible as we do not know anybody) going back to work was tiring at first but i can assure you it is not as tiring as looking after a baby 24/7. even now sometimes when thomas cries i get so tired after 10 minutes and wish he could sleep so i can sleep. but going to work makes me appreciate my little boy so much more than if i had stayed at home.
If I get out of the house and take her swimming or for a walk it helps, but in this weather it makes it hard too as it's just too hot.
