Feeling Down

[Kim]

I don't really know where to start.

I am feeling really low at the moment. I had a horrible birth experience and even thinking about it makes me want to cry.

When I look at Rubie and how small and defenceless she is I feel so sorry for her and want to cry again. Then I start thinking about people who are cruel to babies and think how could they??

I know this will sound ridiculous but I need to get it out. I don't want her to grow up. I love her so much as she is now, I don't want that to ever go, does that make sense? Please someone else tell me they feel like this too I feel such a freak, most people look forward to their babies milestones and I want to keep mine at 1 week old. I feel I can't enjoy her because I'm constantly worrying/fretting/thinking horrible thoughts.

I'm so overwhelmed with emotion and responsibilty I can't imagine ever feeling happy again

 

Hunnie don't worry I felt like this too for a while. The first week or two really are hard, I don't think anything can prepare yourself for it though. I still sit and cry over stupid things. Today I sat and cried because it's my birthday in 4 days time. Not because I'm unhappy about it, I just started to think my OH wouldn't remember or he wouldnt buy me a card or something stupid. Daft when I think about it now.

I cried over Damien and how defenceless he is...they are such small and apparently fragile people who rely on us for their every need. It's almost terryfying if you think about it long enough. It does get easier to relax and things will fall into their place.

Sometimes I wish Damien would hurry up and grow up so he wasn't so dependant on me (sounds horrid I know but it is how I felt sometimes) , other times I wish he would stay the way he is so I could enjoy him as a newborn forever. I never want to forget him this size because I know in 2 weeks time he'll have changed so much already.

Don't be hard on yourself hun, you had a crap birth experience and no-one is expecting you to be super mum or to not worry/fret, so you shouldn't expect it of yourself. It will take some time to adjust.

Hope you start feeling a bit more settled soon - it's taken me till now to start to feel remotely 'human' again. It will get better xx

 

[Belle]

Hi

You're perfectly normal, I've been feeling low and down since my baby arrived. I worry that I've brought him into a nasty world as I watch the news and so many horrible things go on that I worry that when he grows up I'll not be able to protect him anymore. Now as he's so small and vulnerable I just want to protect him all the time. I got really upset about those baby's who were just dumped over Christmas and left in the cold and I can't understand how anyone could hurt or harm something so defenseless. I love my little boy so much and just want everyone else to love him as much. I think all I want is for him to have a full and very happy life and hopefully his mummy will stop worrying and learn how to enjoy herself.

When I read your post it made me feel better as it's so good to know I'm not alone.

xxx

 

[AmberNicole]

I remember feeling that way. I was so emotional the first couple of weeks, but it did get better. I had a spinal headache and was confined to the bed for a bit and felt sooooo guilty because I couldn't take care of myself or my new baby properly. Thank goodness for my husband. I would see pics of myself pregnant and just start bawling. I missed being pregnant and feeling Ava kick and move inside, even though I had her in my arms! It was just a complete shock becoming a mommy. Hope you start to feeling better soon. {{{Hugs}}}

 

[Kim]

That is just how I feel. I too had a spinal headache I wonder if that's something to do with it?? I still feel in shock at her early arrival.