Hope81
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Please all that read my labor thread excuse me if a bit inaccurate the story here, I can't go back reading that thread as I will sob like a baby...
So Sunday night I asked my oh to tidy the lady garden a little as I was 39+ and I wanted everything to look at least tidy...
We finished doing that at 12 o clock and we went to bed. 12 05 I felt a huge gush of warm fluid and water was all over the bed....
I told my oh my waters broke and he asked me really??????
Anyway it took me almost 30 min to get moving from the bedroom as waters were gushing all over making a huge huge mess, meantime I was shaking like hell ( fear was the first emotion I felt when my waters broke, fear that the bean will not be ok)
Anyway 2 h later we managed to organize ourselves and get going and then I got my first contraction (lasting around 40 sec and coming 3 min apart)
We were advised to go very early to the hospital for an early epidural (for invasive monitoring of the baby as history of stillborn babies in the family).
With us in the car we had the puppy too to place in the puppy hotel first in the morning)
We went to the hospital, epidural got n place (awfully painful experience for me due to not quite correct placement) and the contractions were coming fast and they were quite painful. I asked them to activate the epidural and they said it was too early... 5 min later the doctor came to see me and did an examination. I was 5 to 6 cm and the epidural was activated.
That was around 7 o clock and my oh left to go put the puppy to the puppy hotel.
2 h later the mw was thinking to put pitocin on as contractions were not strong enough...
I asked to check me beforehand as I wasn't kin on pitocin as it can stress the baby. The mw almost told me off ...but did it anyway and guess what 10 cm!!!! I dilated from 5-10 in 2 h...
I called my oh who was still with the puppy and he arrived back at the hospital some min later.
Meantime the mw was panicking trying to get everything ready for the baby while she was keep asking me if I need to push...
There the things started going all wrong...
As I couldn't feel much they decided to get rid of the epidural. 30 min later still nth so a doctor came in to check the position of the bean. Got an ultrasound and
The beans head was quite low but she wouldn't rotate.
They decided to turn on the pitocin (no epidural ) and just wait to see if she will rotate. The contractions hit me hard ad I went from no pain at all to 10 cm dilated kind of contractions under pitocin...
I started crying from the pain and tears were all over my pajama top making me wet and shaking uncontrollably...
There things become a little blurry... They tried to get the epidural back as my contractions were now with no brake but the epidural didn't work anymore. I spent the next 5 h quietly crying non stop with my head buried in my oh arms, I had 2 or 3 more internal ultrasounds to determine if the bean was rotating and The room was full of people, 2 midwifes, a person performing the ultrasounds and a couple of gynecologists continuously looking at the monitor connected to baby's head to make sure she is safe and coping well with the amount of contractions and pain that I had.
Finally the bean pushed under strong contractions rotated its head and came all the way down to the birth canal.
They were all keep asking me then if I feel like pushing but honestly until this day I can't tell the difference between the pushing sensations and the horrible pains I was getting
1 h after pushing the head was crowing but in had absolutely no energy left for that one final push to get the baby's head out.
Worrying that the bean may start to stress (standard procedure If pushing stage exceeds 1 h) the doctor decided to apply forceps just to pull it a little out.
I screamed at him that my epidural is not working and to do sth for pain relief.
He did kind of a spinal block through my vagina with a huge needle that besides that was extremely painful and made me Completely loose it had no other effect
So the forceps was applied with no epiphysiotomy and no pain relief...
The amount of pain that I felt then is beyond imagination and I got so mad that I found the energy to make that final push and the baby's head was born at 14:19.
Those last 10 min were so unbelievably painful that I don't remember much from the beans first moments...
She was put on my chest but i didn't realize that she was born until I saw my oh crying...
I then started rubbing her with a towel as if I had a special mission...
the physical trauma was amazing and it ruined my first movements with the bean but soon it was forgotten. The emotional trauma it's still there and I doubt it will heal any day soon...to that contribute a stupid rule that they have to not separate the mother from the bean until it has its first meal. She was placed on my tummy and I couldn't see her face... All I wanted was my oh to hold her for a min so I can see how she looks like but they didn't let him
Almost 2 weeks later and I still sob when I think of those last moments and the very first moments after birth...
Thankfully she is here, safe and sound, she was 3.8!kg and 53 cm.
I will never ever forget how worried I was for her during labour but I suppose I am now a mummy and I will never stop worrying for her...
So Sunday night I asked my oh to tidy the lady garden a little as I was 39+ and I wanted everything to look at least tidy...
We finished doing that at 12 o clock and we went to bed. 12 05 I felt a huge gush of warm fluid and water was all over the bed....
I told my oh my waters broke and he asked me really??????
Anyway it took me almost 30 min to get moving from the bedroom as waters were gushing all over making a huge huge mess, meantime I was shaking like hell ( fear was the first emotion I felt when my waters broke, fear that the bean will not be ok)
Anyway 2 h later we managed to organize ourselves and get going and then I got my first contraction (lasting around 40 sec and coming 3 min apart)
We were advised to go very early to the hospital for an early epidural (for invasive monitoring of the baby as history of stillborn babies in the family).
With us in the car we had the puppy too to place in the puppy hotel first in the morning)
We went to the hospital, epidural got n place (awfully painful experience for me due to not quite correct placement) and the contractions were coming fast and they were quite painful. I asked them to activate the epidural and they said it was too early... 5 min later the doctor came to see me and did an examination. I was 5 to 6 cm and the epidural was activated.
That was around 7 o clock and my oh left to go put the puppy to the puppy hotel.
2 h later the mw was thinking to put pitocin on as contractions were not strong enough...
I asked to check me beforehand as I wasn't kin on pitocin as it can stress the baby. The mw almost told me off ...but did it anyway and guess what 10 cm!!!! I dilated from 5-10 in 2 h...
I called my oh who was still with the puppy and he arrived back at the hospital some min later.
Meantime the mw was panicking trying to get everything ready for the baby while she was keep asking me if I need to push...
There the things started going all wrong...
As I couldn't feel much they decided to get rid of the epidural. 30 min later still nth so a doctor came in to check the position of the bean. Got an ultrasound and
The beans head was quite low but she wouldn't rotate.
They decided to turn on the pitocin (no epidural ) and just wait to see if she will rotate. The contractions hit me hard ad I went from no pain at all to 10 cm dilated kind of contractions under pitocin...
I started crying from the pain and tears were all over my pajama top making me wet and shaking uncontrollably...
There things become a little blurry... They tried to get the epidural back as my contractions were now with no brake but the epidural didn't work anymore. I spent the next 5 h quietly crying non stop with my head buried in my oh arms, I had 2 or 3 more internal ultrasounds to determine if the bean was rotating and The room was full of people, 2 midwifes, a person performing the ultrasounds and a couple of gynecologists continuously looking at the monitor connected to baby's head to make sure she is safe and coping well with the amount of contractions and pain that I had.
Finally the bean pushed under strong contractions rotated its head and came all the way down to the birth canal.
They were all keep asking me then if I feel like pushing but honestly until this day I can't tell the difference between the pushing sensations and the horrible pains I was getting
1 h after pushing the head was crowing but in had absolutely no energy left for that one final push to get the baby's head out.
Worrying that the bean may start to stress (standard procedure If pushing stage exceeds 1 h) the doctor decided to apply forceps just to pull it a little out.
I screamed at him that my epidural is not working and to do sth for pain relief.
He did kind of a spinal block through my vagina with a huge needle that besides that was extremely painful and made me Completely loose it had no other effect
So the forceps was applied with no epiphysiotomy and no pain relief...
The amount of pain that I felt then is beyond imagination and I got so mad that I found the energy to make that final push and the baby's head was born at 14:19.
Those last 10 min were so unbelievably painful that I don't remember much from the beans first moments...
She was put on my chest but i didn't realize that she was born until I saw my oh crying...
I then started rubbing her with a towel as if I had a special mission...
the physical trauma was amazing and it ruined my first movements with the bean but soon it was forgotten. The emotional trauma it's still there and I doubt it will heal any day soon...to that contribute a stupid rule that they have to not separate the mother from the bean until it has its first meal. She was placed on my tummy and I couldn't see her face... All I wanted was my oh to hold her for a min so I can see how she looks like but they didn't let him
Almost 2 weeks later and I still sob when I think of those last moments and the very first moments after birth...
Thankfully she is here, safe and sound, she was 3.8!kg and 53 cm.
I will never ever forget how worried I was for her during labour but I suppose I am now a mummy and I will never stop worrying for her...
xx
sorry you had such a rough time of it, but I bet she's so worth it xxx
xxx
Sorry your labour turned out that way. It does fade and you will feel a whole lot better soon, its normal to be quite emotional for the first few weeks, especially after a traumatic birth, mine was with DD and was adamant I'd have a c section next but look at me now! Enjoy your little lady 
