Am I just being a cow?

[violet-glow]

Ive finally talked OH round and were going to get Elora baptized Catholic. My family and me are all catholics and so is my son. Im not a strong believer but I feel its the right thing to do by Elora. Anyway OH and his family arnt any faith and basicly dont believe any part about religion. Which im not upset about because I couldnt careless about what other peoples beliefs etc are because thats up to the individual. (Sorry ill try not to rant hehe)

So getting to the point... OH wants to invite his family to Eloras baptism, which will be in a catholic church. But I dont want them there. There not catholic and they basicly think that me wanting my daughter baptized is stupid. The only people who I want there are my parents my kids and OH.

My OH has left it up to me weather to invite them or not.....

What would you do??

 

[BubbleOne]

I would definately invite them.
Like you said it doesn't matter what other people do or don't believe when it comes to religion.
If they don't want to come because they don't agree with your 'religion' choices then that's their decision and their loss if they choose not to go.

 

[Keely]

i agree with bubble... it is really elora's day. xxxx

 

[gingerpig]

I would invite them, they might surprise you. I remember our wedding a couple of years back, we had a registry office wedding and a buddhist service. Obviously we needed the former to be legally wed, but the only reason we invited people to the registry office was because my dad was a strong aetheist and we felt he would be too uncomfortable to come to the buddhist bit. The surprise of the day for me was that he turned up to the buddhist bit, which made it even more special for me. One of the monks wrote this about this: http://movingmountain.blogspot.com/2005 ... html#links
We're the second wedding, and the gentlemen of Jewish faith she talks about was my dad (he was born Jewish, but didn't practice it).

I can understand you feeling protective about your faith, I felt the same way, but I just decided to have faith and invite people. It's probably slightly easier with buddhism as people don't view it as a "proper" religion, and so are more curious, whereas with catholicism people are more used to it and I guess could feel more license to be rude. Good luck with whatever you decide, if you make the decision from your heart, I'm sure you'll be just fine

 

[Izzy]

I think they should also be invited, for Elora's sake.

And gingerpig, just read that blog, its very touching. how sad about his father dying too

 

[smurf]

Personally I think they should be invited - its Elora's day and they're her family. I'm Catholic and my DH is a non practicing CofE we were married in a Catholic Church last year and even tho' most of the guests weren't Catholic they all enjoyed the service and some of them even got somthing out of it.

If you don't invite them it could cause a rift and that's never a good thing if they choose not to go then that's their decision but you've done the right thing by your daughter. Good luck with your decision.

 

[Alfiesmummy]

iv been christened and tbh i dont really go into it nor do my family although they are all too, but my oh and his family do have faith although they arent church goers or preachers they just believe, we are planning to get Alfie christened purely because Ian would like him to be and its Alfies day and im looking forward to it i think you should invite them as they would probably be really hurt if you didnt i know if it was my family because they dont follow it they would be but no i dopnt think you are being a cow hun, alot of our friends are giving us grief because we havent invited them and cant seem to understand this is a day to celebrate our son not a p*ss up for them.

 

[Hypnorm]

i would invite them as you could cause more longer term problems.

We haven't christened Ewan, i would have liked to but hubby is aetheist and after a long chat we decided we would leave it to Ewan to decide when he is older. and then he can choose which religion if any.

I am CofE and my parents really wanted him christened, but have come round to the idea.

 

[cassi]

I would invite them, if you think that it dosnt matter what peoples beileifs are then why not invite them because they are not catholic I think thats quite spitefull to be honest, they are part of the family and i think you are putting your OH in a very difficult position even saying that you dont want his family to come.

My oh is atheist, im christian, and his family are all catholic so we are having a naming ceremony and letting him choose if he wants a religion when he is older himself...Did your OH have a say in what he wanted? cause when you put "i have finally talked my oh round" it kind of sounds like it isnt what you both want.....so i cant see why its the 'best' thing to do? the best thing would be doing what you BOTH want and that both families enjoy and maybe let elora decide if she wants to be catholic when she is old enough to understand?

please dont take this harshly its nothing against you I just like to answer questions honestly, And it seems as if you are basing this whole baptism around you and your family instead of oh and his family aswell.

 

[Hypnorm]

My oh is atheist, im christian, and his family are all catholic so we are having a naming ceremony and letting him choose if he wants a religion when he is older himself...Did your OH have a say in what he wanted? cause when you put "i have finally talked my oh round" it kind of sounds like it isnt what you both want.....so i cant see why its the 'best' thing to do? the best thing would be doing what you BOTH want and that both families enjoy and maybe let elora decide if she wants to be catholic when she is old enough to understand?

Thats a very good point Cassi, as i said above i would have like Ewan christened, but we sat and talked about it, and decided that it should be his own choice once he is old enough. This i what my Inlaws did with their sons, and we would support him in any choice he made.

 

[violet-glow]

if you think that it dosnt matter what peoples beileifs are then why not invite them because they are not catholic I think thats quite spitefull to be honest

I know thats how it sounds and yes there is probably some part of me that is being spitefull but with what I see is good reason. OH parents well Mother has been droping some patranizing (sp?) comments about me wanting elora baptized. Which just makes me think if shes going to be like that then whats the point in me inviting her and her going. I think im going to have to swallow my pride on this one and invite her as you've all said it is my daughters day and thats all that matters

 

[mummykay]

Your Baby = Your Rules!!!!
its upto u at the end of the day violet, if u want Elora baptized then baptize her! u did carry her for 9mths after all!!

 

[cassi]

if you think that it dosnt matter what peoples beileifs are then why not invite them because they are not catholic I think thats quite spitefull to be honest

I know thats how it sounds and yes there is probably some part of me that is being spitefull but with what I see is good reason. OH parents well Mother has been droping some patranizing (sp?) comments about me wanting elora baptized. Which just makes me think if shes going to be like that then whats the point in me inviting her and her going. I think im going to have to swallow my pride on this one and invite her as you've all said it is my daughters day and thats all that matters

oh sorry she is patronising you im sorry i didnt realise, i didnt mean it to sound as if im saying you are spiteful, maybe it just came out like that...dont want to offend anyone, its just that me and alan were going to get jakob christened but it would of been more for me so i decided not to in the end...

 

[tracyM]

How about a baptism followed by a non-religious naming ceremony for the non-believers at the 'do' afterwards. I understand where you're coming from about protecting your faith - why should non-believers be welcoming her into the church (after all, that's what a baptism is) when they're not part of that church, but also remember, as part of your faith, you should be opening it up to non-believers (fishers of men and all that) - what better way to introduce somebody to the church than at a baptism.

Argghh I sound like a right bible basher - I'm not

 

[Freya]

Agree with all comments made! I think you should invite them - basically that is what grown up people do to keep the peace. Sorry to sound harsh but I think in a relationship we often have to put up with other people (ie other halfs family and friends) kind of like a package deal.
Ok so they say they don't agree with it BUT you have the final decision and you are exercising that right. By inviting them you are allowing them to decide whether or not to come. By not inviting them you are being a cow because they can't choose.
If there is more to it than this and they cause a fuss on the day then really up to OH to sort them out as it is his family. I always think good idea (if poss) to stay on right side of in laws!!

 

[swan1]

Invite them please, my husbands brother has just taken his daughter to Ireland to have her christened, his wife is catholic and from ireland. none of our family have been invited. It has caused no end of hurt and upset and its so sad as she is as much my mother in laws grandaughter as she is his wifes mothers and she just feels so excluded. Personally having my own baby of 16 weeks i wasnt wanting to go anyway but i really feel for my husband and his mother.

 

[Beany]

Definately invite them - your LO will wonder why they didnt come when they look at the piccies in years to come.

There are times i dont agree with my inlaws (and my parents come to think of it) but at the end of the day they all have my LO's interests at heart and love to be included on everything to do with him.

 

[budge]

oh its back! this is the post that went missing earlier

violet invite them. the church should welcome everyone regardless of their faith. So what if they are not catholic. If you don't invite them it will casue bad feeling and its not worth it. They are eloras grandparetns after all.