Am I doing the right thing?

[Elliellie]

I really need some help in dealing with Isaac's sleep. He's never been able to stay asleep anywhere but on me & needs a lot of rocking to sleep. Because I was ill recently & have had a lot on I just let him sleep on me day & night as I just needed him to sleep somehow. Bad i know, but since he was born he's woken every few mins if I put him in his own bed & I got to the point where I just needed to sleep. Anyway, he's 5 months now & i know i cant carry on with him sleeping on me all the time so I decided I'd put aside some time now to trying to help him self settle & sleep in his cot. Today was the first day, I'd decided to go for pick up put down approach but it's just been so awful. I was really geared up for it, read the books & was looking forward to getting started. I began with his morning nap, spent 2 1/2 hours picking him up & putting him down & he cried hysterically & didn't sleep at all. Gave up & fed him at the normal time & played a bit, then tried again for his afternoon sleep & he went off a couple of times but jolted himself awake straight away & then did pick up & put down again for another hour & he got in such a state with crying he was choking & struggling to breath. I usually never let him cry if I can help it so it was just awful to see him like that. He's asleep in my arms now & I'm in tears as I just don't know what to do, we can't carry on as we are, but I can't see him so upset either. I don't know if I should carry on with it or not, I kinda feel bad giving in now as he will have gotten so worked up over nothing.

 

[wifeywifey]

Im sorry u dont have any advice but wanted to say I hope it sorts out soon and hugs to you x

Sent from my E15i using Tapatalk 2

 

[TORino]

He will be upset hun, you are changing what he's used to. Crying is his only method of protesting.

You aren't doing anything unpleasant to him remember that.

If it was me I'd persevere. Does he have a dummy or a soothing blanket that you could use to make the transition?

I know as mums we don't like to see our LOs cry and want to take away whatever it is that makes then cry but sometimes they get into habits that we don't want them to.

Big hugs xxxxxx

 

[BabyBrain]

Do you swaddle him hun? Don't feel bad about giving in to his crying, you are only human and you never know if you don't try xxxxxxxx

 

[katie_lou]

I really need some help in dealing with Isaac's sleep. He's never been able to stay asleep anywhere but on me & needs a lot of rocking to sleep. Because I was ill recently & have had a lot on I just let him sleep on me day & night as I just needed him to sleep somehow. Bad i know, but since he was born he's woken every few mins if I put him in his own bed & I got to the point where I just needed to sleep. Anyway, he's 5 months now & i know i cant carry on with him sleeping on me all the time so I decided I'd put aside some time now to trying to help him self settle & sleep in his cot. Today was the first day, I'd decided to go for pick up put down approach but it's just been so awful. I was really geared up for it, read the books & was looking forward to getting started. I began with his morning nap, spent 2 1/2 hours picking him up & putting him down & he cried hysterically & didn't sleep at all. Gave up & fed him at the normal time & played a bit, then tried again for his afternoon sleep & he went off a couple of times but jolted himself awake straight away & then did pick up & put down again for another hour & he got in such a state with crying he was choking & struggling to breath. I usually never let him cry if I can help it so it was just awful to see him like that. He's asleep in my arms now & I'm in tears as I just don't know what to do, we can't carry on as we are, but I can't see him so upset either. I don't know if I should carry on with it or not, I kinda feel bad giving in now as he will have gotten so worked up over nothing.

Hun I know how u feel am the same with ruby but she will only sleep in her pram , if I try and settle her in her cot of a day she will not sleep . I have been trying for an hour now to get ruby to sleep and she is having none of it , I really can't offer any advice as am struggling so much myself at the min. Ruby is going to nursery in sep and I want her to be able to self settle as in nursery they won't push her round the street for a nap .

Xxx

 

[pinkyprincess]

I personally think a baby will as in their own time but have u tried the no cry sleep solution? I read it but have never followed through because Tyler got better at SS since reading it (he must know I brought the book lol)

 

[Mrs. KM]

Keep perservering! It takes a few days for them to get used to a change in habit, but he will. Also, it is just a fact that some babies cry more than others. The only way K will go to sleep without crying is on my boob. At three months we started the pick up put down for naps. I would leave the room in between picking her up because she would get more upset if she could see me standing there not picking her up. Some naps she still refuses to settle so I do feed her to sleep once in a while, but it's not too often now. I always fed her to sleep at night until this past weekend. It only took her three days to get used to being put down awake. The first night took a very long time, but last night she cried until I left the room, and then fell asleep as soon as I closed the door. It is hard to start, but it is worth it good luck!

 

[Elliellie]

Oh God, I feel so mean! Thanks for the encouragement I'm going to keep at it a bit longer! I'd originally set aside this whole week & made no other plans so i could get it started so it would be a bit rubbish if I gave in after the first day. Tor, I needed reminding that I'm not doing anything horrible to him, I feel like I'm torturing him, thank you! He won't take a dummy recently but he's got his little blanket. He had found his thumb this weekend but he doesn't seem to have thought to put it in yet! He's a bit old for swaddling now I think, I used to but he'd wriggle out of it.
Katie Lou - sorry you're struggling too, it's horrible trying to work out the best approach isn't it?! Nice that I'm not alone though. I think that's half the problem really, i feel like im on my own trying to work out what's best, thats why this forum is so great! OH is supportive but leaves it to me to make the decisions & I do all the sleep stuff, which is fine, but sometimes I just want someone to tell me what to do!
Pinky, I read some of the no cry sleep solution, I like that philosophy much better & have not been one to let him cry, but I just feel Ive tried a lot of those things & his sleep is so bad I thought I needed to crank it up a bit iykwim? But now I just feel cruel! Maybe you're right & he'll just do it when he's ready. I'm worried I'll end up with a toddler that will only sleep in my bed & that I'll never be able to leave him with anyone.
Mrs KM, it's so good to hear that it only took 3 nights to see an inprovement with your LO, well done for persevering! I think I will keep going a bit longer & see how it goes. At the moment it seems like it'll never get better, he's just so resistant! He's only had about 30mins broken sleep since 5am & he's still going strong, it's amazing really, he has to conk out at some point soon surely! Anyway, hopefully he'll sleep well tonight, I could be back for more encouragement tomorrow!

 

[hellywelly]

It is so hard to ignore their crying! Although this afternoon I was on a really important phone call while E was having a nap, and I heard her start crying but couldn't go to her straight away. Normally I leave her 2 mins to try and settle but today was more like 4 or 5 cause of the call, and as I climbed the stairs to see to her I realised she'd stopped, and she slept for another half an hour. I'm now wondering if I go to her too quickly when she's crying, but I hate hearing her upset!!

 

[hellywelly]

P.S. One of the midwives once told me that there's a difference between your baby crying, and you MAKING your baby cry which I thought was a good tip. I'm not hurting her when I put her down for a nap, even though her crying makes me feel like I am!!!

 

[pinkyprincess]

I personally don't like any of these sleep 'training' methods and have just followed Tyler's lead but each to their own. I have 100% faith that he will sleep when he's ready

 

[Nic36]

I think it will take quite a few days for your LO to get used to a new routine, after all, it is changing all he knows. But it will happen. Try to stay strong and know that you are doing it for the best. Good luck. Xx

 

[l_maclean]

Have you tried putting one of your tops or something in the crib with him? That way he at least has your smell.

Xxx


On my iPhone - so cant see tickers

 

[Elliellie]

Thank you people. I will put a top in the cot, good idea! Tonight Im just going to do what I can to get him to sleep as he's shattered & will try again tomorrow & see if it's any better. Pinky, I kind of agree with you, but this is what I mean about being confused & not knowing what to do for the best. I don't want to put him through this but if I follow his lead I can't put him down, I'm pinned to the sofa for all his naps, I can't leave him with anyone & I'm going to bed at 7.30 as he won't go on his own! I also know people with all sorts of problems with their children's sleep as they didn't teach them as babies how to sleep. Everyone from my nct group has done CIO now, which I couldn't do & have been violently against, but I'm questioning myself now as they think a couple of nights of stress was worth it as your body produces stress hormones when you're overtired & now their babies are good sleepers & much happier. So I'm just questioning my way of doing things & think that perhaps I'm not doing the best for him in not teaching him to sleep. But as I said, I really don't know! I wish there was just one way of doing things that worked!

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Give it time him I agree with tor.. Give swaddling another try swaddle while u feed and them you can put LO down the same way.. Can also try propping the mattress slightly up with a small blanket and maybe lay LO slightly on their side with a blanket underneath.. Gives the impression of being held.. I've done this with all my babies and my niece and nephew and it worked for us.. Every baby is different and it will take some time but it shouldn't take long.. Hang in there your doing a fan job xxx

 

[hugsy]

When i first let kayla sself settle if she gave out i would lean in toher and kind of cuddle her whille she was still in the cot then pull back a bit but keep my hand on her chest or hold her hand and it worked wonders, only needed that for a day or 2 and so goes off her self great just the odd pop in of th dummy

 

[Mrs. KM]

I think letting the baby take the lead completely depends on the baby and you. If you aen't happy being stuck holding your baby for every nap, then it isn't working. This was my case until K was three months old. It was starting to depress me as I couldn't get any time to myself or get any house work done. You also don't have to go by any specific sleep training method. You can figure out what works best for you. For us, I had to do pick up put down/come in and just let her know I am around if she isn't too upset. The main thing was to get her to fall asleep in her cot, otherwise I couldn't move her or she woukd wake up. It is much harder than doing the easy thing and letting him sleep on you at first, but it is really worth it. I also agree that babies need to learn to self settle or you may just have to deal with sleep problems im the future. Some parents are lucky and get a baby who doesn't have sleep issues, but if you do, sleep training works in my opinion. Xx

 

[TORino]

If you let a baby take the lead and do what they like you will undoubtedly encounter problems at some point when what they want conflicts with what you want to do. How lucky are those mothers who don't guide their babies in any way and they end up acting exactly how they want? I suspect it's quite rare.

This little baby has got used to you getting him to sleep in that way and will complain when he is not getting what he knows.

Getting him to self settle is your ultimate goal but in getting there he is more than likely going to cry. If you don't work through that stage then nothing will change. If you don't try you'll never know if it will work.

Him crying for a few minutes while he learns is not going to damage his health. It's not pleasant to hear I know but it really will not do him any harm.

I am naturally a tree huggy, let the baby take the lead, sort of person. I spent 8 weeks of my child's life letting her 'tell' me what she wanted and following her lead. It got me nowhere other than the hospital. Yes we have other issues that contributed to that but in our case my poor child was crying out for a routine of some sort with some stability in naps and feeding times. She did not settle into a routine at all and got so upset she came out in spots and turned beetroot red when she was hysterically crying because she was over tired. I feel like by going by her lead I have let her down in some way. What she needed was guiding and assistance especially with the sleeping and shes been a different baby since.

Yes we have had periods of crying but now I have a child that I can put in the crib, stroke her hair a few times and leave the room and she is asleep.

Sorry I have rambled there a little but I agree with mrs km.

 

[Jayceesmumma]

^^wss agree!
The worst thing I done was let Jaycee fall asleep on me.. It's lovely as a first time mum and watching your child sleep in your arms but it unfortunately does more harm than good.. Took til she was 2 and a half before I could let her sleep on her own it took at least two hours every night to get her to sleep.. Very tiring.. Ellie I let her self settle from day one and even to this day it takes her a matter of minutes to go to sleep.. Jaycee still takes about an hour at least and she's 8! You've not done anything wrong don't get me wrong... Just we need to make mistakes to learn from them u know? I hope this is coming out right lol!!
My niece was a nightmare.. My sister held her constantly and then she would scream at anyone and everyone even from a couple of weeks old.. I refused to have my first niece cry at me so I made sure I took her off my sisters hands every chance I got so she could have a break.. I'd learnt to block the screaming out by then lol! In the end my sister and I were the only ones that could hold her and soothe her.. Even her own dad couldn't hold her in the end I had to get her to self settle for my sister as she started working at home soon after so it took about 4 days to get her used to sleeping by herself.. The younger u start the easier it will be, it will take time and it will be painful to hear but you'll both benefit.. When they get hysterical, a quick cuddle to calm down then putting down again will work eventually.. Or even just stroking their face in the cot etc to let them know your there..

Don't worry Hun you'll get there.. I know it's tough..

 

[pinkyprincess]

I don't think telling Ellie horror stories of babies that don't settle is helping at all tbh! My Tyler liked sleeping on me so I was clever about it I'd feed in the bedroom and he'd settle there. I've used total baby steps and he now self settles. These babies have been in the world for a shorter time than they were in the womb it's a strange place and they are learning everyday. Making them unhappy by crying won't help that. You don't need to pander to a baby or let it rule your life at all to follow its lead. I've never been stopped from doing anything.

Just to add CIO should only be done on a baby over 6 months.