Am I doing the right thing?

[TORino]

I don't think making Ellie feel bad about letting her baby cry for a couple of minutes is helping either. She has indicated that she isn't ok with him sleeping on her and wants to change his behaviour, he is going to protest. He does that by crying. Getting him to sleep in his cot and not on her is hardly child cruelty. I am in no way advocating that she lets him scream himself to sleep but a few minutes of chuntering whilst he learns is not going to scar him for life. Leaving your baby to cry is hardly making him cry like helly says.

 

[pinkyprincess]

I'm
Not trying to make her feel bad there is a huge difference between a baby crying and a baby fussing. All babies fuss when put down but they don't all cry. I put Tyler down for his nap10 mins ago and he's been moaning since. If he had been crying I would've picked him up for a cuddle by now but he's fine.

 

[Mrs. KM]

I don't think telling Ellie horror stories of babies that don't settle is helping at all tbh! My Tyler liked sleeping on me so I was clever about it I'd feed in the bedroom and he'd settle there. I've used total baby steps and he now self settles. These babies have been in the world for a shorter time than they were in the womb it's a strange place and they are learning everyday. Making them unhappy by crying won't help that. You don't need to pander to a baby or let it rule your life at all to follow its lead. I've never been stopped from doing anything.

Just to add CIO should only be done on a baby over 6 months.

I don't think saying that a baby learned how to self settle in a few days is a horror story. Also, I don't think any of us said to use cry it out or that we used cry it out. We just agreed that a baby will cry when their usual method of falling asleep changes. Mothers on here are made to feel really guilty if they let their baby cry at all, when in a lot of cases some babies just cry. I went from feeding K to sleep and it taking 2 hours and many tries to putting her down awake after her last feed and having her asleep as I leave the room in a matter of days. I would say that is a huge success and not a horror story. We all have a right to our opinions. Xx

 

[Elliellie]

Oh dear, I seem to have started a crying debate! Sorry about that! It's good to hear everyone's opinions though & it's really helpful. Dont worry, no one's making me feel bad, im just finding it interesting to hear everyone's opinions & experiences. Im so torn between the 2 sides too & can understand both. Yesterday he was so upset & I found it horrible, it didn't feel right to let him get that worked up. Some people suggested trying to settle him in the cot but it just doesnt work, I've tried patting, stroking, lying next to him, cuddling him & he just gets so worked up & won't settle until I pick him up & rock him. He hadn't slept all day & i felt I couldn't carry on all night as he was so tired & stressed so I fed him to sleep but put him in his crib asleep rather than on me & he managed to sleep in there for 2 1/2 hours, which is good for him! After that he would only settle in there for a few mins so eventually I ended up with him in with me. But at least we both got some rest & he had some time in the crib! - small steps!
I was looking at the nhs & cry-sis websites & they recommend controlled crying from 7months but before that to let them cry for a short time after putting them down to give them chance to settle. Soooo today I'm going for a slightly gentler approach. Really there are 2 problems, he can't self sooth & he can't sleep in his bed, the one that I struggle with most is that he can't sleep in his bed & has to be held so I've decided to tackle that first rather than trying to make him do everything at once. Im going to give him chance to self sooth but if it doesn't happen I'll rock him, but I'll persevere with putting him in his bed rather than letting him sleep on me. This morning I put him down for his morning nap & he cried, I left him for a few minutes & when he started to get hysterical I went in & picked him up & settled him & then popped him back, left him for a few mins he went nuts again so I rocked him a bit & put him down when he'd fallen asleep, so far he's woken every few mins & I've had to rock & settle him again but it's a start! If he's still not self settling at 7 months maybe then I'll think about controlled crying. I know I haven't given it long & I might be wrong but I just don't feel that picking him up & putting him down is going to work for him as he gets really stimulated by it & then becomes hysterical & just won't settle & as I can't settle him in his cot the only other option is cc which I'm not ready for & think he's too young for. So, I guess I am going for small steps! Now I've just got to figure out how to make him stay asleep in his cot & not wake every 5 mins!

 

[Jayceesmumma]

I didn't intend it to be a 'horror story' it was supposed to be helpful... Even the worst clingy babies can self settle after a short while, that was my point.. It was supposed to be reassuring.
You'll find a way that works for you and your LO like we all do.. I was trying to let you know things will get better, I hope you took that from what I said..

Keep up the good work babe ur doing a great job!

 

[hellywelly]

I think these things take time, especially as it's an ingrained habit. Sounds like you've chosen the right path for you. x

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Have you tried swaddling? Propping the mattress up slightly with a blanket, laying LO on their side a bit with a blanket underneath? All simulates being held.. Some people also put a hot water bottle in baby's bed before they go in it so it's not a cold shock that wakes them up when put down xxx

 

[Elliellie]

I didn't intend it to be a 'horror story' it was supposed to be helpful... Even the worst clingy babies can self settle after a short while, that was my point.. It was supposed to be reassuring.
You'll find a way that works for you and your LO like we all do.. I was trying to let you know things will get better, I hope you took that from what I said..

Keep up the good work babe ur doing a great job!

Thanks & don't worry, that is how I took it, it's really encouraging to hear of people who have managed to help babies to settle as it seems impossible to me at the moment! I need all the advice I can get & will probably just combine it all somehow to suit us! We'll get there!

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Thanks I got worried I offended you there or something.. I was v tired and struggled to word things right lol!!
Don't give up yet, continue to do what you are doing for at least a few day, trying lots of different things and changing what your doing will have an adverse effect.. Get him used to what your doing now and if it still doesn't work you can gradually introduce new techniques.. I've propped the mattresses of all my babies up and niece and nephew and it's always helped with sleeping and rotten colds!
Just keep calm and don't stress out or he will feel it and get upset..

 

[Elliellie]

Thanks, yes I'm going to try to be consistent now & keep this going! He's been asleep in his cot for about 20mins now - this is good! I will try raising the mattress as he does get a bit of reflux that sometimes wakes him. He used to be swaddled but now hates it & he's starting to find his thumb so I want to encourage that. He does jolt himself awake a lot though when his arms & legs relax. He's such a light sleeper! Thanks again for suggestions, will also try propping him with towels as he falls asleep better on his side but then wakes when he relaxes & tips over!

 

[TORino]

Are you sure that he is ready to sleep Ellie? I don't have many problems at all when she is ready to sleep and not over/under tired.

I use a towel and place t bag on her side too. If you roll up a bath sheet into a big snake and make a u shape it can provide support. I have to do this as the mattress is raised because of the reflux .

My story was intended to give you reassurance that you can change their behaviour if you want as well.

Xxxx

 

[hellywelly]

E is the same - have you seen my thread on the slumber bear? Might be worth a try. x

 

[Hope81]

O have no advice as my LO is not here yet, I am just reading out and learning a lot of your girls
But I will just tell my opinion about babies and crying.
I think we are too quick to put labels like cry it out method to any crying.
In my mind is a big family with 4-5 kids living in a farm somewhere years ago...
Everyone has its job I do at the farm including the mum and the baby somehow just fits in the new family. It will cry while it's mum feeding the cows or it may have luck and one Of the older siblings pick it but maybe not. It will be left alone in its bed to settle sometimes while the family gets going with everyday things.
Now ofc our living conditions are different but the babys needs are the same right? Why for a baby to cry while it's mum is busy with other kids is ok but for a modern mum with only one LO it is considered not ok and often we fall in the trap of following the babies lead and cuddle to sleep etc etc...
Just personal opinions ofc no meant to offend anyone that cuddles its LO to sleep
That's not the way that I will parent though (I never say never though)
I will have to go back to work at only 3 months so I can't afford a baby that Dosent ss or Dosent get a bottle or Dosent nape unleash....
It will have to be in a routine from day one that we are at home and self settle of that means that i will give it 10 min to cry until maybe it settles.
Now no mum will ever let her kid get hysterical if she can help it...

Anyway good luck, I hope you manage to get things a little easier for you.
Mums well being is equally important as los.

 

[Mrs. KM]

That is a great plan Ellielie! One step at a time, you will figure out what works for lo. We conquered the naps a month before attempting to self settle at night as well. It will all work out for you, and don't be hard on yourself if it doesn't work fpr every nap. I still nurse K to sleep when she gets too upset for me. Xx

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Well done Ellie it seems to be working already
You sound so much more positive now which is a great sign! Baby will feel your confidence and security with the methods your using and will adapt quicker!

 

[Elliellie]

Tor, I find your story encouraging as I know you've had a tough time with Tilly. It's amazing how well she is doing now though - well done! How did you change things? Id be interested to know exactly what you did. I do find it hard to tell when Isaac's tired as he doesn't show many signs, but he does yawn occasionally or just stop moving & stare so I've tried taking him off to bed then but as soon as he's in that cot he's wide awake! If I put him down when he's just nodding off he wakes, he has to be in quite a deep sleep so he doesn't notice!
Jaycee, I've just raised the mattress & tried propping him but still got screaming I've rocked him off & put him down so we'll see if he'll go a bit longer with it like that! Thanks x

 

[Elliellie]

E is the same - have you seen my thread on the slumber bear? Might be worth a try. x

I've been reading your thread, I'm a bit reluctant to spend anymore money on soothy things. I got the seahorse, no joy, got a winnie the poo light show, just wakes him up & gets him all excited! He squeals with excitement at his mobile when I turn it on! I have tried lullabies & white noise but doesn't seem to change anything, he often just starts looking round to see where the noise is coming from! He isn't soothed by me standing next to him so I'm guessing the bear won't do it! God, I wish something would work though!

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Try taking everything away so he's not distracted.. Lily doesn't have a cot mobile or anything just a plain white soft bunny from mothercare, she's always napped and slept with it
It seems to make her tired when I give it to her lol like a dummy usually does!
Usually they rub their eyes etc when tired.. Most have a burst of energy right before they get tired.. Maybe have a good play then quieten it all down for a while before bed.. No toys dim lights etc.. I had to do that with Jaycee or she would be bouncing off the walls all night.. She was and still is a very hyper child lol she needs the chill out hour before bed or she won't settle for hours
Comforters are best from a young age really but you could try it out.. Like every time u get him to sleep have that same toy with u both the whole time. Jaycee started with tigger at about 1ish.. I had to give her something coz she was so clingy to me she had to hug my arm in her stroller!! Was so hard to push and very embarrassing for me!!! So I basically forced tigger onto her and she still sleeps with him now whatever they get attached to make sure they won't sell out or stop making them I had such a struggle with Ellie's blanket!!xx
Xxx

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Tor, I find your story encouraging as I know you've had a tough time with Tilly. It's amazing how well she is doing now though - well done! How did you change things? Id be interested to know exactly what you did. I do find it hard to tell when Isaac's tired as he doesn't show many signs, but he does yawn occasionally or just stop moving & stare so I've tried taking him off to bed then but as soon as he's in that cot he's wide awake! If I put him down when he's just nodding off he wakes, he has to be in quite a deep sleep so he doesn't notice!
Jaycee, I've just raised the mattress & tried propping him but still got screaming I've rocked him off & put him down so we'll see if he'll go a bit longer with it like that! Thanks x

Fingers crossed it helps!! Don't raise it too high though only has to be a slight raise where their head is..

Xxx