am I being unreasonable?

[wannabmummy]

One of my mums friends wants to give us all her baby stuff - which is so lovely and I really am grateful, but they are like 5 years old and have been used by both her children, which doesn't bother me so much! She wants to give us her cot and her pram and pushchair along with little stuff, and as lovely as I find this, it's my first baby and I want to buy at least the pram and cotbed myself so the baby has something new!

I have been very reasonable saying that we will happily accept charity shop stuff and car boot sale stuff and we are not picky - but my mum just looked a bit put out that we were prepared to buy stuff rather than accept it for free. She recently had a go at me thinking I've been spending money we don't have, but I really haven't! OH's family have bought us loads of stuff already and my mum just seems to constantly be judging me and my spending

 

[Lulu_Laroo]

I don't think you're being unreasonable. Having a baby is really exciting and of course you want to buy some new things. Your mums friend should understand that really. Explain how grateful you are and that you'll happily accept a few bits and bobs but as you're a first time mummy you'd really like the excitement of going baby shopping. xx

 

[Olive]

Ah hun I'd just explain that to her. Exactly how you've said to us

Xxxx

 

[DaisyPurple]

Sorry u have this dilemma hun, sometimes the differences between the generations is hard to handle, at one time, when money wasn't quite so readily available people had to make do with hand downs and all donations were gratefully accepted, there has been a shift over the generations and people are more independent and want brand new stuff for thier babies, looks like you and your mum.see things differently, just try to find some common ground, and be gentle with her when.you explain things are different for you and you want to buy everything you can afford xxx

 

[BabyBrain]

I'm in the same boat hun. I got sick of it in the end and told everyone if they get us a second hand cot from ANYWHERE I will let my rabbits reduce it to a pile of twigs.
I don't care if I sound ungrateful tbh, the only brand new things I want are the cot, pram and moses basket xxxxxxxxx

 

[wannabmummy]

Thanks guys! You're making me feel better and not like a spoilt brat! Babybrain - I know exactly what you mean, there are just a few items that you want to buy brand new!

I'd understand if my mum was the opposite to me, but every time she has money she spends it on what she wants, she buys flats and rents them out, has had an extension built onto her house so it is now a six bed house worth LOADS! And is now considering buying a house in Greece - yet when it comes to my child she is quite happy for it to get hand me downs and makes me feel ungrateful! I'm so angry! x

 

[mustard]

We have been given loads of stuff which I am really grateful for as well but when we were offered a cot (by the in laws) I just said that would be lovely we might use it at grandmas it will be great to have a spare. That seemed to be happily accepted.

 

[Nurse 26]

I dont think you are being unreasonable. We are being given alot of stuff for my SIL which i am so grateful and happy about but we really want to buy our travel system as we want specific things like, lightweight and fits in our boot.

Dont feel bad, its your first baby you should be able to buy what you like xx

 

[1986princess]

its a special time and there are certain things that you just wana buy new! but if u explain how u did in ur first post im sure she will understand xx

 

[DaisyPurple]

I hadn't thought of that but brilliant idea, tell your mum u will accept the things so as not to offend her friend and use them at her house lol, see how she likes those apples xx

 

[wannabmummy]

Thanks ladies! Always feel better after having a rant on here! Will def be telling my mum she can have the second hand cot for when she babysits, see how she likes it! Lol xx

 

[Bee7]

You're not being unreasonable at all hun and you shouldn't feel obliged to take anything if you don't want it. Without sounding harsh, you're going to have enough stuff without extra unwanted things cluttering up your house! I've had this argument with my OH but the other way around. He wants to buy EVERYTHING new, whereas i'm quite happy to have a few second hand bits. But i also want things that are new and unique to my baby, not things that two other children have used. Just politely tell your mums friend that you'll gratefully accept some things, but that you've already made arrangements for the others. It's amazing how put out people can get by petty things like that, try not to let it bother you...you have way more important things to think about lol xxxx

 

[BevG]

lol my mum looked at me like i had gone crazy when i said i was gonne buy preloved reuseable nappies and 2nd had clothes. she said not to go overboard with getting cheap stuff and i should buy new stuff as its my first baby lol. i said im not made of money and will save wherever i can but a lot of ppl buy loads of new stuff for their baby. i can understand it, just cant afford it and prefer to save where i can now so i can buy later. dont let anyone push you into taking something you dont want hun

 

[jomc]

id just explain it as uv explained to us, or accept it and use it in ur parents.
I think with the way the economy etc is people are probably just surprised that someone doesnt want something for free

 

[Coolbeans2010]

I think as the other girls have said really. It's completely understandable that you will want certain things new. My OH's mum almost picked us up at cot in the charity shop the other day - luckily when she went to get it it had gone. She told me about it so I just spoke to her and said as it's our first we would like to buy a new cot. I think she was a bit put out by it but there are certain things I want new and I also want to pick our own things rather than people giving them to us. She also saw a rocking chair as I'd mentioned I wanted a nursery chair - but it wasn't what I wanted and I'm just glad she didn't buy it so I didn't have to say take it back!

It's a difficult situation but if you are not honest you will end up with things you don't want!

Good luck Hun xx

 

[wannabmummy]

Thanks girls cheered me up! Going out with my mum for lunch tomorrow as we both feel like we have been a bit snappy with each other recently, so will try and explain it to her then, hopefully she will understand! We will see! Thank you for making me feel better xx

 

[jojo_2012]

nothing wrong with 2nd hand stuff but you should at least be able to choose it. and it should be good as new not tatty old stuff.

 

[Esperanza84]

Your not being unreasonable at all!

xx

 

[Nonabean]

I hope it all gets resolved for you, my MIL has been a bit of a pain in the arse recently. We're having two prams, which as daft as it sounds, is because I'm having a hard bodied Silver Cross which my parents have bought for us - second hand. And a brand new travel system which I'm buying myself (I can more than afford it.) Other than that I don't have anything else big to buy. She bullies me about it, and has a go at every opportunity. You need to do what you want!! It's your baby, and it's not as if you aren't getting anything second hand!! Be gentle but firm. Xx

 

[redbear]

There is nothing wrong with second hand i have quite a bit but what you get new is up to you... no one should make you feel bad for wanting new if its what you want and you have the money then go for it, Could you save the other pram somewhere for spare/grandma's?
I got second hand moses basket (never used) cotbed and baby bouncer but i wanted clothes and pram to be new so mum bought us the travel system and we bought the clothes, everyone is different with what they want new xx