am i being unfair/selfish

[nmf1987]

hi ladies,

bit of a question. i have the wedding of one set of our godparents to go to at the end of may. not a problem will be a lovely day apart from the fact i will be massive.

the problem is i got a text off of the girl organising the hen do yesterdayand it is this:

a weekend in cambridge, including punting during the day, lunch, then hotel and 3 course meal in the evening and a murder mystery.

well the text stated that hotel and 3 course meal with murder mystery is £115. but then you have travel, punting, lunch etc extra.

now do i sound selfish or unfair declining. i will be 32 weeks then as will the grooms sister and we are struggling for money as it is. also i only know her and her sis in law thats pregnant.

i just dont think murder mystery and punting is exactly suitable for 2 pregnant women at 32 weeks.

she originally said that the hen do will be quite low key with a meal and maybe a show or something.

like i say is it me being selfish/unfair or do you think its resonable for me to decline.

sorry for long post. xxx(feel abit like its been done as they dont want boring preggers there that cant drink but might just be the hormones)

 

[Vicxzy]

I dont think murder mystery will be too strenuous but punting will be! if its the money however dont feel bad about dropping out. it is a lot of money x

 

[nmf1987]

ive never done murder mystery but know some people that have that say people jump out and grab you etc and obviously pretend to kill you if they are the murderer. i just dont think its a good idea. would send me into early labour knowing my luck, xxx

 

[Princess81]

It's an added expense that you don't need right now hun why not suggest to hen about doing something more low key on another day? A meal, a shared spa treatment? Just in case you would like to be involved in some way? X

 

[nmf1987]

It's an added expense that you don't need right now hun why not suggest to hen about doing something more low key on another day? A meal, a shared spa treatment? Just in case you would like to be involved in some way? X

we are going for a meal with them to night and was thinking maybe i could suggest something like that. just feels like a better idea i think but feel really horrible.
the weekend will be at least 200-250 though which is abit much to ask people to pay out. xxx

 

[Princess81]

I'm sure she'll understand Hun when you'll be so far along with pregnancy x

 

[amandapanda]

I think when you're 32 weeks pregnant everything will feel quite tiring and I don't think it's selfish to want to just take things easy at home! Also as it's a hen do I expect there will be alot of drinking involved which will mean you are always feeling left out. I would hope they would understand, especially if you've arranged a nice meal with them xx

 

[emmaandamyleigh]

That's an expensive hen party plus u have to get to the wedding and back and a present and then ur drinks on top of that it does sound like a good weekend but I wouldn't pay that out I would directed to her that they go and you and her go for a meal or something b4 hand they've not really planned it well when they no your pregnant and the other lass if it were I would plan it around my pregnant friends what they can't do and what they can and cOme to an agreement but it just seems so expensive especially when you've a new baby arriving so I don't thnk your being unfair or selfish at all

 

[hopefulmummy]

Hey there

I haven't read others responses, as just wanted to say that it is not selfish to feel how you feel. however, take it from a previous bride to be that preparing a wedding can take over you whole life. you do not have to go, but make sure that you speak directly to the bride, be sensitive to her and say that you would love to do something with her to celebrate her big day but you don't feel you can come that weekend, and give the reasons why. don't suggest that she changes her weekend or does anything else just for you, but try and get a date in the diary when you can celebrate in a style that suits you a bit better!

as sensitive as you are feeling, the bride will also be touchy as well!!

xx

 

[nmf1987]

thanks all. i want them to go and have a fantastic time just dont want her to feel bad when i say im going to have to decline. i will explain why. im sure she will understand. xxx

 

[xshauna_bazx]

No you are not unfair or selfish...its alot of money and i would of declined too as i just couldn't afford it. If you don't want to go hun its your choice x

 

[toni64539]

Know totally how you feel nmf, three of my friends are getting married in April/may and my brother is also getting married so 4 weddings and 4 hen do's all before the baby is born. I have declined two of them and am seriously regretting agree-ing to the two I'm doing because one of them is to Alton towers, so I'll just be holding the coats (but my best friend is going who is pregnant with twins, so not on my own there) and the other is a spa where she's booked the heat experience which I can't join in with either but both are paid for, so I've paid for nothing really. Very frustrating when I think what better use that money could be put to. I'm sure bride will understand when you explain. Don't Get yourself stressed worrying about it x x x x

 

[Belfast girl]

I did a murder mystery night for my hen night in august and i had 2 pregnant friends coming. it was a lovely night, more drinking champagne than hard boozing and both of them very thankful for it! plus you had a sit down dinner so there were plenty of seats etc.

I'm going through a clumsy stage so punting would definitly not be for me!!

 

[Cantstop]

I don't think you're being unfair or selfish - physical constraints aside, it's a LOT of money when you have a baby coming!