Am i being to hard on MIL

[Jazz187]

Hi

I live with my MIL and OH bro and sis

Aleena is the first child in the house, so she is now getting spolit - ahhhh

When ever i take her down, everybody whats to hold her, and walk around the house, especially when she crys.

When shes sleeping, they want her to sleep in their hands and hold her, the other day Aleena feel asleep in my MIL arms, and i said i'll take her to her cot, she said no leave her here cos she will sleep more. We had guests round, i had to put my foot down, i repiled no she has to get used to the cot, and took Aleena and put her in the cot.

I dont know what to do, ive tried to drop hints, like please dont do that because i will suffer, her reply is the 1st child is always spoiled, WHY, i dont want that with my child.

Me and OH argue now because of this, he feels like he is in a sandwich.

Im i in the wrong, please tell me if i am
I feel so bad when i have to tell them to stop doing things

 

[Cloughie]

It's your baby, and you should make the decisions. It's easy for other people to interfere and spoil them, but at the end of the day, you're the one who's raising the child, and you're the one who'll be stuck with all the problems spoiling a child causes. I think you're quite within your rights to put your foot down.

I'm sorry you're getting so much hassle over this, things are difficult enough without having to fight over the control of baby. Perhaps you could sit down with the MIL at some point and address your concerns to her and tell her the reasons for your decisions and ask her to abide by them. Of course, this will only work if she's a reasonable person!! Good luck!

 

[emilia]

A very common problem and simply nothing other than "lack of respect". People around you are fussing over their first grandchild, but you should make it clear to them ..... they HAVE TO respect your needs and requirements! If they don't, neither them nor you, will have any respect for each other.
They may also undermine you - but be firm and stans your ground without getting too emotional. Be strong and mature about it and they may realise sooner that you know best.

I've learned one crutial point.... don't get angry, you'll lose brownie points and then everyone in that household will be an enemy to you!!
Be strong and chin up.
Emilia xx

ps. just had a thought.... make some granny time. A time when you can spend time having a shower etc. That way, granny has got something to look forward to.

 

[Jazz187]

Hey thanks for the reply

make some granny time. A time when you can spend time having a shower etc.

I do that when i wake up, i'll take her down and give that time to her.

I spoke to my sis in law, and told her that i was sorry if i come across to harsh, i dont mean to do that.
she said that she didnt see me bein harsh - felt like a right dummy.

sister in law does help as she will stick up for me, when her mums says pick aleena up, she will 1st ask me, because i think she has now understood that sometimes she doesnt need to be picked up.

 

[Jazz187]

One other thing

Why is it, that Mums forget being a mum.

They must remember how hard things can be

 

[Urchin]

What you say must be the rule in this situation as you have your daughter's LONG TERM interests at stake.
If she is picked up all the time, what about when you need her to sit and play with toys so you can do some housework? or in a year or so maybe you'll need to put her in childcare, and she definitly won't be carried around all day there.
You are right, maybe let your MIL spoilt her in other ways, like later on she can help with solid foods and push her in the pram when you go out. There are other ways to show love to a child that don't mean spoiling them with attention every minute of the day

 

[lauramumof2]

I think this can be sorted. You just need to take your mil to one side and explain your fears over spoiling to her. Hopefully as a mum herself she will understand and assist with making sure the rest toe the line.
Tell her you appreciate her help, that you would be lost without her help but that as the babys mum you would like her brought up this way. It sounds a bit over the top but will win you brownie points with mil and oh.
Theres a lot to be said for a few white lies.

Are your ethnic backgrounds different?