just after some opinions really... I have two stepchildren who stay every weekend and last week one of them was ill. Now this week I caught their bug and have been so poorly all week which has been a total nightmare with a five month old to look after. Now my lo has also started with a nasty cough. I said to my dh that if one of his kids are ill again I'd rather they didn't come over that weekend and pass it on to us all. He is now really cross with me for saying that and totally disagrees. He thinks they should come over regardless of if they're ill or not. I really don't know, am I being unfair? I do understand they're his children and he wants to see them no matter what, it's just I've felt so ill and would really want to avoid it happening again. I even said I would just stay at my mums instead but he thinks I'm being unreasonable. What do you guys think??
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Am I being selfish?
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Mummybexee
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Kids are kids!
If they were your own you wouldn't banish them from your home. I get it's difficult but Oscar infects us with alsorts from nursery. Unfortunatley it's one of those - it's not fair on the kids not to see their dad if they are poorly but want to? It will start to decrease as spring and summer draw closer - you could walk past someone sneezing in town and catch a cold
If they were your own you wouldn't banish them from your home. I get it's difficult but Oscar infects us with alsorts from nursery. Unfortunatley it's one of those - it's not fair on the kids not to see their dad if they are poorly but want to? It will start to decrease as spring and summer draw closer - you could walk past someone sneezing in town and catch a cold
Same as above. If i was their mother and the dad said if they're I'll I don't want then I'd be raging! They're his kids if they're ill he should be able/allowed to take care of them as he would if they still all lived together. Sorry, probably not answer you were looking for but no,I don't think you should do that to your oh, it isn't fair x
It depends on the illness. If they just have a bit of a cold then I don't see it as too much of a problem if they come over but if they were throwing up and had a stomach bug or something I wouldn't want them to visit as it would be highly contagious and I don't see why any sane person would want to intentionally put themselves in line to pick up a nasty bug like that particularly if you have a small baby. I think it is just about compromise and common sense. What kind of bug did they give you? X
littlemonkey
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I can see it from both sides. It's awful being ill while having to look after a LO, but they're his kids and he'll want to see them regardless.
Soon your own LO will be spreading their own nasty little viruses to everyone too. We've honestly never had such bad coughs and colds in our house before LO came along!
Personally unless it was something like chicken pox or measles, I'd say let the kids stay.
Soon your own LO will be spreading their own nasty little viruses to everyone too. We've honestly never had such bad coughs and colds in our house before LO came along!
Personally unless it was something like chicken pox or measles, I'd say let the kids stay.
Sorry but I do think its a little unfair to your oh and the kids not to let them come over if they're ill. I CAN see where you're coming from but he is their father so should have them, good times or bad. If he refused to have them because they're ill then he'd probably get slated for it.
Having said this, I don't think it would be unreasonable of you to take the baby to your mum's if you know they're ill. Ill babies are a nightmare! Xx
Having said this, I don't think it would be unreasonable of you to take the baby to your mum's if you know they're ill. Ill babies are a nightmare! Xx
Currently my eldest is quite poorly with a high fever and I have a 12 week old and really don't want Her to get it. If my hubby asked me to leave my eldest with my mum for example so bubs doesn't get it I would probably be upset and wouldn't want too. So it must be even harder for your dh when he hasn't seen them all week. So I get its really horrible for you but can totally see why your dh is upset as they're his kids and your lo's siblings.
Hopefully it won't be a regular occurrence chick. Big hugs.xxx
Hopefully it won't be a regular occurrence chick. Big hugs.xxx
I think it depends on the illness. To me, it's totally irresponsible to spread, say, norovirus to a very young baby just to see another member of your family. However, I know not everyone sees it this way as we just got norovirus from the nursery, so obviously some parents think it's fine to send their kids with it.
However, with general things like coughs and colds, it's difficult to avoid getting them and often children won't feel that ill and will want to carry on doing what they usually do. Sometimes you can avoid a baby getting those type of germs by really being good with hand-washing, sterilizing etc. I had a few nasty colds when my daughter was little and never once passed them on to her.
However, with general things like coughs and colds, it's difficult to avoid getting them and often children won't feel that ill and will want to carry on doing what they usually do. Sometimes you can avoid a baby getting those type of germs by really being good with hand-washing, sterilizing etc. I had a few nasty colds when my daughter was little and never once passed them on to her.
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I completely see where your coming from, and in frustration ive said it to my husband in the past too.
I have one stepson who is 6 years old.
To be fair, if he has a cold/cough, even though its frustrating, theres nothing you can do and youll need to put up with it. Its annoying, and my stepson is the most cold ridden child I have ever met, he has something atleast every 2 weeks if not once a month.
He had a chance of chicken pox all of dec. This is when I put my foot down and said no. His mother was not happy and my partner agreed with me(to begin with). He stayed away while his brother had chicken pox for 2 weeks, we thought he was in the clear, he came over on a sat, home the sun. then he came down in spots on the thurs before xmas. Luckily my LO missed it. But I refused even over xmas to have him near my son, so I arranged my boy went to my parents for xmas eve, that's when we had my stepson over for one day to do Christmas.
sorry I did blab a bit then, moral of my story. Light illness, put up with it, disinfect everything you can, and try keep them apart/no touching as much as possible.
More serious illness.. arrange something else, I often get my boy to stay with my parents for one day for an exception if stepson is ill, or we leave it 1 weeks and see him the next. again only if its something more infecting though.
xx
I have one stepson who is 6 years old.
To be fair, if he has a cold/cough, even though its frustrating, theres nothing you can do and youll need to put up with it. Its annoying, and my stepson is the most cold ridden child I have ever met, he has something atleast every 2 weeks if not once a month.
He had a chance of chicken pox all of dec. This is when I put my foot down and said no. His mother was not happy and my partner agreed with me(to begin with). He stayed away while his brother had chicken pox for 2 weeks, we thought he was in the clear, he came over on a sat, home the sun. then he came down in spots on the thurs before xmas. Luckily my LO missed it. But I refused even over xmas to have him near my son, so I arranged my boy went to my parents for xmas eve, that's when we had my stepson over for one day to do Christmas.
sorry I did blab a bit then, moral of my story. Light illness, put up with it, disinfect everything you can, and try keep them apart/no touching as much as possible.
More serious illness.. arrange something else, I often get my boy to stay with my parents for one day for an exception if stepson is ill, or we leave it 1 weeks and see him the next. again only if its something more infecting though.
xx
To me, if they are your kids, they are your kids. I wouldn't expect my children to go and stay somewhere if they were ill just so the other children didn't get it. My husband (and myself) have a parental responsibility towards my step son and that means not being able to pick and choose when we see him just because he is ill. If he lived with us there would be no option of that.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts and I do understand it's not fair for me to say they can't come if they're ill, it's just I've had such a tough week feeling so poorly myself and not being able to rest, and now lo has it too, that it just seems the easy option to avoid it happening again. But then again they aren't my children and if they were then I would feel differently so I guess I have to remember that and put them first instead of myself. it's good to hear it from the other side so thanks.
I agree with what others have said. I do sympathise though. I catch stuff easily and tend to take ages to recover, especially from colds. Outside of my household I stay away from anyone who is ill. Even my parents and sister know not to visit when they are sick.
Can your husband give you more support while you and LO are ill? Could you speak to your husband and say you have realised he is right that its not fair to keep them away when they are ill (unless of course its some thing serious enough to be worried it could be dangerous for LO) but explain that its been a really tough week and you have been finding it hard to cope so you need some extra help from him.
Can your husband give you more support while you and LO are ill? Could you speak to your husband and say you have realised he is right that its not fair to keep them away when they are ill (unless of course its some thing serious enough to be worried it could be dangerous for LO) but explain that its been a really tough week and you have been finding it hard to cope so you need some extra help from him.
Thanks, I will speak to him later and tell him I realise it would be unfair to say that. Unfortunately he can't offer much help as he works quite a way away and long hours so I'm pretty much on my own with her until bedtime most nights. It's difficult but once we get over this I'm sure it will all seem easier.
