Am I being unreasonable?

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by lulu, Mar 27, 2006.

  1. lulu

    lulu Well-Known Member

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    Hi,

    My partner is on 6-2 shifts this week, he gets up at 5am and gets back for 3. He is a nightmare sleeper at the best of times so Jack and I are in the spare room all week.
    Anyway, he always gets really tired on this shift as over the weekend he does loads of hours with hardly any sleep.

    Last night I probably had about the same amount of sleep as him, what with Jack waking and being up early. Jack has been hard work today due to teething and being grouchy and sick so I was already feeling stressed and depressed. My partner comes in and gets a bath and goes to bed. I have to go out with Jack and get the shopping (also got a bad back)
    I come back, he is still asleep.

    I bath Jack, feed him, get him settled etc, absolutley drained from the day. He is still asleep. Jack wakes a few times grizzly which is really unusual as once he is down he is down till the early hours.

    At 9.15pm I decide my partner isnt going to wake so I decide to get a bath and grab something quick to eat afterwards.
    Im getting myself dry when he comes down stairs. He asks me whats wrong and I say im tired, explain Jacks grizzlyness etc etc.

    I say I have had nothing to eat and he says 'neither have I. I will go and make something'
    He starts to make a chilli. He then says 'can you go out and get some alcohol'. (We live in a place where you have to drive at least 10 mins to get to a shop)

    Im shocked.....not only am I now in my pj's after a bath and never go out after a bath but he knows how tired I am.

    I now have to wait for him to get back, I have to carry on making the tea and Im zonked!!!!

    I just feel that he is only thinking about how tired he is! I cant talk to him because I know he will say that he goes to work, I dont, or that if I get depressed again (suffered badly before pregnant0 I wont be able to cope, so that makes me a feel like a failure!!! :cry:

    I just feel trapped, emotional, lonely, but then guilty that I feel like this as he is the one working!!!!

    Am I being unfair??? :think:
     
  2. Dee1985

    Dee1985 Well-Known Member

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    u are not being unreasonable no. when i just had Dior i done all the night feeds as kris had a fulltime job 9-5 so i couldnt expect him to stay up all night then got to work when i could catch up with sleep inthe day, but i have told kris straight that having a 1 yr old and a new born is going to be real hard work for me if im up all night i cant catch up with sleep in the day when the newborn sleeps as il have a 1yr old to look after and staying at home with a newborn and my daughter i think is a more demanding a tiring job then sitting in an office
    so kris best get used to it i aint no mans joey and he will no that,
    already i do every thing bath dior feed dior washing house wrk every thing but im ok with it as im only wrking 3days a week but when baby no.2 comes he aint going to no whats hit him
    my mum has a fulltime job and 5children iv watched her for yrs become a slave there is no way im becoming one!!!!!!

    glad i got that lil outburst out! :oops:
     
  3. lauramumof2

    lauramumof2 Well-Known Member

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    with shifts like that I wouldnt ask him to get up during the night but I think when he comes in from work he should take over for a while. He dosent sound very supportive when he throws the fact that works and you dont. He might work shifts but you are on call 24/7.

    Talk to him and if he starts his shit then just be calm but dont back down. Being a mummy is very hard work :eek:
     
  4. lulu

    lulu Well-Known Member

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    Im the same, when Jack lets me.

    he also does 2-10 and nights but I always do the night feeds.

    He is supportive but I find his 'being a mum is easy' attitude hard, especially as I should be able to talk about my feelings!
    Im worried because I am looking to go back to work and its only going to get harder!!!
     
  5. lauramumof2

    lauramumof2 Well-Known Member

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    You might be surprised, it should get easier. I find that mines gets a bit unsettled just before a growth spurt or she is wanting to do something new but cant do it yet. Have you tried him with a little rusk or baby rice if he is unsettled?

    Its easy to feel down when you are tired. Get a night when oh is off work and try to get a full nights sleep, it will do you the world of good :D
     
  6. *saulino*

    *saulino* Well-Known Member

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    Hi

    sorry your going through a rough time motherhood is a 24/7 job its tough work and very tiring, but maybe he doesnt realize that.
    hope you work everythign out.
    xx Katrina
     
  7. lisa31

    lisa31 Well-Known Member

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    Lulu - I know how you feel sleeping in the spare room - I lasted 2 days doing that and gave up on it. The problem is that even though, yes he is going out to work, you are actaully working 24 hours (just cos your at home I know a lot of people dont actually look at it like that)

    Is there anyway you could work out a little routine for as and when he takes over? Thats what me and D/H have done.

    Wishing u Luck

    L x
     
  8. lulu

    lulu Well-Known Member

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    We just tried to discuss it but ended up arguing! He just says that there are times he just cant help me and I have to carry on, just like he has too with work when he is so tired :wall:

    Its not that he doesnt help at all, he does.

    The worst thing is I feel like I cant talk to him because It feels like he doesnt understands!
     
  9. *saulino*

    *saulino* Well-Known Member

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    Hi

    sprry your still not okay .
    but i hope things get better and keep your chin up soemones got to :D
    Katrina
     

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