Am I a bad mother?

[Haylea2610]

Ive made or am in the midst of making decisions about my baby and some of them arnt quite what the midwife recomends such as having the downs tests, I didnt want them because i didnt think the risk of having a miscarriage was worth it, it would make any difference to my baby, i would love her just as much if she did have the condition...And breast feeding, obviously the midwives strongly advise you to breast feed but i feel so preassurised to do it, im not comfortable with it at the moment, i want to get used to the idea on my own without them forcing me and feeling like I have to when I dont really want to... Do these decisions make me a bad mother? :/

 

[jodied]

Absolutely not, a happy mummy is a good mummy! Just because a mw recommends something you don't have to do it! Personally I love bf but it's an individual choice x

 

[AugustMum]

Not at all! You do whatever makes you feel comfortable. At the end of the day it's your child and noone can tell you what is best for your both. They can advise you on what they think is the 'correct' way, but just ignore them and go with your gut instinct.

Its awful that they can make you feel like a bad mother before your child is even born. x

 

[Sarah13]

Course your not! I only had downs test as I would prefer to know before so I could research and prepare, like you I would have continued pregnancy and loved baby regardless, lots of women don't have the tests for the same reasons as you.

As for feeding dont feel pressurized into anything, a good mother weighs up what is right for her and her baby, which your doing now and everyone is different. If your unsure just now just relax and don't worry, research everything so you have all the facts to help you decide and see how you feel once baby arrives, you can see what feels best once baby is born x

 

[Jaxx01]

Not at all hun...the downs test isnt compulsory and if the result of that test makes no difference whatsoever to the way you feel about your child then you dont have to have it!!!

With regards to breastfeeding, I was exactly the same..felt pressured...when my son was born it was kind of forced on me but I just didnt get on with it so I gave it 5 days then quit! It got to the point where I was only doing it to please other people, and I would not be looking forward to him waking up for a feed

Ultimately, it is your decision and that does not make you a bad mother!!

xxxx

 

[Haylea2610]

I'd love to feel comfortable with the whole breastfeeding thing, i probably will once ive been to Ante-Natal classes or something like that but i dont want to be forced to do it I'd like to come around in my own time and stuff, when i said im still in an open mind about it at the moment (measuring out pros and cons to both) the midwife said, THERE ARE NO CONS TO BREASTFEEDING! I feel like just because im a young mum im just being set up to fail or being expected to fail. Im very different to a lot of young mums around me!

 

[Sarah13]

There are cons to breast feeding! Like being tied to baby 24/7 and sore boobs! Of course mw won't tell you that though! Both methods have pros and cons and it's def a personal choice only you can make, your doing the right thing being open minded and getting all the info now. The biggest pro to breast feeding tho for me personally is getting your figure back quicker and it's free lol! Not so keen on the not drinking and dependency part though!

 

[Haylea2610]

Ive been told you get you're figure back quicker if you breastfeed, but didnt think there was much truth to it but since more and more people are saying it i believe it now! I cant help but feel people are just waiting for me to be like the typical young mother and just waiting for me to fail! :/

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

You're not a bad mother at all hun.
I was asked if I want the downs syndrome test today. OH didn't really want it done as he said he will love baby no matter what, I just thought 'why not' simply because I'd like to know where we come under in the risk factor for downs.

Midwife said I didn't have to accept.
I have decided to breastfeed, midwife was pleased with that. I understand the pressure women go through when it comes to choosing whether to breastfeed or not though. Lot's of women on Pregnancy forum find their midwives very pushy about breastfeeding.

It's entirely up to you what you want to do. It's your pregnancy.
xxx

 

[Haylea2610]

The reasons I didnt want the downs test was 1) I dont care what condition she has Im obviously still gonna absolutely adore her (Goes without saying for any mother) 2) If the test came back that I was high risk I'd still kinda worry about her having it (sounds like ive contradicted myself there but I know what im on about LOL ) And I wouldnt have the amniotisis anyways because id be scared of all the risks, I dont want to be worrying throughout my whole pregnancy about something that probably wont happen. (I worry a LOT) I think I probably will breastfeed in the end just dont wanna do it to make others happy...I wanna learn all the benefits so I can think when I do have a little bit of a bad experience with it I can sit and think 'Im giving my baby soooo much nutrition by doing this' or anyother benefits you and your baby get from breastfeeding...God im ranting and raving today arnt I?! Just tell me to shut upp if you like! xx

 

[sarah0202]

oh hun of course your not a bad mum! lots of woman decide not to have the downs test and as for bf i was the same with my son i didn't really want to do it but didn't want people making me feel bad so i just said i wasn't sure when anyone asked then as soon as i had him and they asked i said bottle and no one else said anything to me x

 

[pinkyprincess]

Don't let ANYONE judge you for having that test! It's your body, your child and your RIGHT to want to know guilt free! I don't know where this prejudice over a test with a 1-2% chance of miscarriage comes from! If I had a 98% chance of winning the lottery id do it as it's good odds. As for bf do what feels right for YOU!

 

[Sarah13]

Ive been told you get you're figure back quicker if you breastfeed, but didnt think there was much truth to it but since more and more people are saying it i believe it now! I cant help but feel people are just waiting for me to be like the typical young mother and just waiting for me to fail! :/

It def helped me lose weight last time anyway! If you think about it baby needs 300 calories a day which it takes from you, that's at least a pound of weight a week that could come off unless you eat more of course! You also feel your tummy muscles tightening as you feed which can be a bit painful at first but no more than doing lots of sit ups!

I'm sure you will be a great mum what ever your age, my cousin had her first at only 15 and now has 3 at 24 and is a great mum, age means nothing, there are bad older mums after all too, I also think we all stress about being a 'bad mum'!

Totally understand why you didn't want test, like you say why worry, I'm classed as an older mum so knew my risks were higher turned out they were 1:30000 so wasn't high at all and must admit I was worrying until the results came through.

 

[suzzi]

your baby your choice!

im not breast feeding didnt with my older 2 and ive had no health problem etc with them, which they tell you the baby can have if you dont BF.they are 15 & 16 now

as for the downs test thats totally up to you x

 

[Susanne]

No, they don't!!! Your midwife shouldn't advise you to have Down's screening at all, simply make you aware of the choices. Whether you have it or not is totally your choice, and there is no right or wrong decision, only one that is right for you, and that is what you need to do. And as with breastfeeding, I think midwives have to recommend it, but again, it is your choice what you want to do, and you shouldn't feel pressurised into anything. There is so much more to being a good mother than breastfeeding! I am sure there are really crap mothers out there who are breastfeeding, and really good ones who are bottle feeding... Your baby needs to be loved, and as long as that is the case, you are a good mother. End of story.