Advice plz

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by abcd1234, Jan 14, 2008.

  1. abcd1234

    abcd1234 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2007
    Messages:
    2,656
    Likes Received:
    0
    hi
    just wanted a little advice from all you ladies out there who've been through having babies young.
    I cant decide whether to try to complete my last year of uni neat year when baby will be a few months old or to take a year out and go back after, only problem is whether i could cope doing my course with baby, and whether i'd go back after a year as my OH wouldnt push me to as he's not very "in to" education and know that to get where i want to it'll take years.
    I also wondered how people had managed with having babies in their parents house? I've always been very independent and my parents are bugging me already going on about doing my room for the baby and my dad keeps telling me i'm not able to look after or pay for my own child, he doesnt realise that i've been saving every penny i get for my baby and have £2500 already just to set the baby up with all it's things, i've also been making sure i will get maternity pay from work ( its not much as i only work 16 hours but its soemthing) and been looking in to moving out, my OH wants us to move out together but im not sure its a good idea, i want to be able to bring my baby up my way not how my parents thing i should, and i dont want them looking after it all the time, i want to take responsiblilty for my own actions. I just dont know how easy moving out would be or whats for the best! anyone got any advice?
    Clare x
     
  2. mummykay

    mummykay Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2006
    Messages:
    10,259
    Likes Received:
    0
    you will have to go down the benefit path with regards to gettin ur own place Im afraid, either a council flat or housing benefit on a private rented place

    as for goin back to uni, I always said I would but now with fulltime work it would be a waste of time in our situation, dont know what effect it would have on urs tho

    remember if u go to uni u wont be eligible for housing benefit cos of the student loans u have to pay back

    we had 1 year with OHs parents in their house and Iv never felt more intrusive in my life, they were basically saddled with us cos my parents kicked me out 6mths pg and we couldnt get HB cos OH was at uni - a pretty pants situation and 1 i am definitely NOT proud of having been in

    HTH
     
  3. Squiglet

    Squiglet Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 29, 2007
    Messages:
    8,899
    Likes Received:
    0
    OMG they still do that in the UK... ??? They did that with me too... :( I wasn't eligible for any form of benefit other than child benefit because I was receiving a student loan... it was only 4000quid too for a year... which made it nearly impossible to survive on.

    I went to uni when Tia was tiny tiny.. just 8 weeks old... getting childcare places is really difficult, and because she was so young, even though I got child care help, I still had to fund some of it. If you wait till your LO is a bit older then it will be cheaper and easier to find places... :) You will probably be better off waiting to go back to uni..

    As for living with your parents.. I had to move out of home at 17 and that was without a child in tow.. My mum would want to be too involved if I'd lived with her and my child. It does depend entirely on your relationship with your parents as to whether you live with them... She takes Tia now when I'm working and there are loads of things I don't agree with her over caring for Tia... but then I do need her.

    Tbh living on your own is far better when you've got a kid because you get to raise them without having someone constantly looking over your shoulder... but obviously it doesn't come cheap and you need to find somewhere first. :think:
     
  4. zebrastripes

    zebrastripes Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2007
    Messages:
    3,703
    Likes Received:
    0
    Lol,about the housing benefit thing,my parents suggested that ifI got into Cambridge I should hire out a narrowboat and live on that :lol:

    and,abcd,it'll probably be better to finish off uni as soon as poss,it'll be better to get it over and done with,else it'll be too easy to ditch it alltogether
     
  5. NickyB

    NickyB Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2007
    Messages:
    2,072
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think that's very admirable, in a non-patronising way! I think you should try and struggle to finish Uni in one go. I think if you move out, manage your money you'll find it hard to go back.

    I wanted to stay on after my degree but by the end of year three had had enough, I figured I'd work a year then go back for a PGCE, or masters. After earning I never bothered.
     
  6. Squiglet

    Squiglet Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 29, 2007
    Messages:
    8,899
    Likes Received:
    0
    tbh if I hadn't gone and done it when I did... I'd probably never have bothered either :think: I think just going out immediately and getting it done and dusted... just be sure to have a good look around for child care places because if your LO is under a certain age, you'll have problems..

    I missed the first two weeks of term (if Tia had been on time, I would have been OK) because she was only 6 weeks when term started and no one would take a baby from 6 weeks.
     
  7. libs

    libs Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2007
    Messages:
    4,502
    Likes Received:
    0
    If you can get the childcare - I'd go straight away. I did it with a toddler and that was far more difficult - you get a bit more sleep but they're running around and wanting to play when you have to work. I also worked parttime and found I had no time to spend with him - I left and worked instead.

    I had lived alone for 2 years when I got pregnant - I had to move back into my parents for 4 weeks due to DS arriving 8 weeks early just as I was moving house into a house that had no carpets, need decorating and had been empty for 6 months so needed to be warmed a little(snowstorms when we came home) so I had to stay at M&Ds whilst I got it done. The only thing I'll say is that I got a lot more peace and quiet and the chance to sleep in the afternoon when I was alone. But I had been used to living alone - you may find it easier if you are used to living there. But only you know how much your parents will interfere :wink:
     
  8. sarahpurple

    sarahpurple Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2008
    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    0
    The majority of Universities have their own creche. It would be worth while popping to the student union and having a chat with them.
     
  9. moss

    moss Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2008
    Messages:
    1,223
    Likes Received:
    0
    How many hours will you have in classes? My husband and I are both students living in a privately rented flat and will JUST be able to make ends meet. I don't have many hours on average per week, so I plan to go back after my three months off. I'm lucky though because my lectures are optional, so I only HAVE to go to my labs. I'm planning on taping anything I can't go to. If you only have a year left, I really think you can do it. If you put it off, you might never go back. I planned on taking a year off with my first degree, but it turned into six, and here I am starting all over. It can be very difficult to go back, even without a baby. You should talk to student services. Most are very supportive and often can give you a lot of money towards childcare, or can accomodate you and be flexible at your attendance. Good luck!
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice