REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all
summer long, building and improving his house and
laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper
thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays
the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and
well fed.
The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so
he dies out in the cold.
THE END
THE BRITISH VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all
summer long, building his house and laying up supplies
for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool,
and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls
a press conference and demands to know why the
squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed
while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are
cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live
coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a
video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home
with a table laden with food.
The British press inform people that they should be
ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have
plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights
and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front
of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a
cultural festival special from Notting Hill with
breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir
singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in
an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel
has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and
calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to
make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge
for squirrels to enter inner London.
In response to pressure from the media, the Government
drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti
Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of
the summer. The squirrel' s taxes are reassessed. He
is taken to court and fined for failing to hire
grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on
his home and an additional fine for contempt when he
told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.
The grasshopper is provided with a council house,
financial aid to furnish it and an account with a
local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile.
The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the
more needy members of society, in this case the
grasshopper.
Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine
and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel
has to downsize and start building a new home. The
local authority takes over his old home and utilises
it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had
hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to
share their country of origin with mice. On arrival
they have tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's
apparent love of dogs.
The cats had been arrested for the international
offence of hijacking and attempt bombing but were
immediately released because the police fed them
pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial
moves to then return them to their own country were
abandoned because it was feared they would face death
by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to
obtain money from peoples credit cards.
A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up
the last of the squirrel's food, though Spring is
still months away, while the council house he is in,
crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to
maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs.
Inadequate government funding is blamed for the
grasshoppers drug 'illness'.
The cats seek recompense in the British courts for
their treatment since arrival in UK.
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog
during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He
is imprisoned but released immediately because he has
been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the
care of the probation service to monitor and supervise
him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in
a botched robbery.
A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost
£10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up.
Additional money is put into funding a drug
rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid
for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased.
The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government
for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and
dogs are criticised by the government for failing to
befriend the cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual
sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure
of government to address the root causes of despair
arising from social inequity and his traumatic
experience of prison. They call for the resignation of
a minister.
The cats are paid a million pounds each because their
rights were infringed when the government failed to
inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom.
The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the
hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies
have to pay an additional percentage on their credit
cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to
pay for law and order and they are told that they will
have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in
government funds.
