34weeks pregnant and babies dad dont give a s***

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by hannah_1993, Nov 18, 2007.

  1. hannah_1993

    hannah_1993 Active Member

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    Hi im hannah, im 13 and 34weeks pregnant with my baby. The dad has already said he does not give a s*** about the baby but i dont care about him anymore, if he does not care about my baby. My mum and dad have said they will support me if i chose to keep the baby but they really think i should put the baby up for adoption when it is born, and i dotn want to as i it with all my heart already.

    I have joined just to chat to other people that have children or are excacting babies, anyone to chat to would be really nice, as im finding it really hardwith my parents tryign to mak me give my baby up. I dont want 2 i am willing to give up everyting but my baby.

    Should i try to get him involed and keep trying or should i let him make the choice?

    Hannah
     
  2. Krystal

    Krystal Well-Known Member

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    Have you spoken to the dad of your baby? You say he doesn't give a sh#t... has he said that too you?

    I think it's good your parents have said they will support you and I'm sure the only reason they have mentioned adoption to you is so you know all of your options.. as long as whatever decision you make YOUR hapy with hun.

    How are you feeling about becoming a mummy?

    When did you find out? Your having a girl yes? :hug:
     
  3. hannah_1993

    hannah_1993 Active Member

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    Yes he said it, he said he dont give a s*** never wanted a baby and still dont want on and would be happy if she died. I however cant wait 2 be a mum andjust want time 2 fly.
     
  4. Tillytots

    Tillytots Well-Known Member

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    my OH is the same hun, he has decided he doesnt want our baby and would be glad if he/she died. We planned our baby too, so its a double kick in the teeth.

    Just like you I wish time would fly and I cant wait to be a Mum. It will be so much better when we actually have something to focus all our love and energy on. Being pregnant is tough wether you're single or not.

    If you want to keep your baby then no-one should make you do otherwise. Its great that your Mum and Dad will support you and Im sure you'll make a fantastic Mummy :hug:
     
  5. Squiglet

    Squiglet Well-Known Member

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    Hi hun.. if the dad doesn't want to be involved in the baby's life then that's his problem. Just keep the doors open incase he wants to come back or that your daughter in the future wants to see him... but let him really make the choice.

    It's a good thing you have your parents on your side, they will be able to help and support you in ways you won't understand until your daughter is born.

    They are probably only mentioning adoption because being 13 is hard enough without the added complication of raising a child of your own AND doing it without the father... Being a single mum is hard regardless of your age...

    But it is ultimately your choice. Always remember that.

    I won't lie to you.. raising a child alone is one of the most tiring, thankless, demanding jobs you will ever have to do.. .there are no days off, no lie ins, no lunch breaks... but it is also one of the most rewarding. But you have to be dedicated to your child and to yourself in order to do it.... Your mum will be able to offer you advice on any issues you may have as well as the mothers on here... and don't let anyone judge you for the decisions that you make... Good luck hun... and I am sure you will make a brilliant mum... :hug:
     
  6. Louise1973

    Louise1973 Active Member

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    Hi Hannah,

    Congrats on your pregnancy, hope you are keeping well.

    I can understand why your parents are concerned, with you being so young. But ultimately the decision is yours and as long as you feel prepared and confident enough to take this responsiblity on, there is no reason why you shouldn't. There are lot's of organisations out there to help young mums these days.

    You don't say how old the father is? Remember, that whether he wants to be actively involved or not - he does also have a responsibility to help you financially - so if he is working, you may want to discuss maintenance options with him. If you can get on amicably, this can be done privately - otherwise the CSA can assist. Check out their website for information.

    Take care hun.
     
  7. sophie-jordan

    sophie-jordan Well-Known Member

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    hi Hannah, congratz on your pregnancy
    as everyone else as said its your baby so its your decison what you want to do. im sure your parents just want whats best for you, but only you no what that is!
    i had my daughter when i was 14, im sure you will bring up your baby just fine and be a fantastic mummy.
    good luck chick
    need 2 talk then feel free 2 pm me
    x sophie x
     
  8. hannah_1993

    hannah_1993 Active Member

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    I know i definightly aint getting rid of her, i will give up everything but her, and now my nanny knows the scores and has been speking 2 my parents and if they still want me 2 have hee adopted and i find it 2 much 2 cope with living there my nanny has said her door is always open for me and baby.

    I am being told alt of diffrent thigns atm, i do not think i want to put Faith's dad on the birth cetificate at 1st unless he decideds he wants 2 be involed before she i born and i get her birth cetificate, but people have been telling me that of he is no on the birth cetificfate, when he is earnign(which he is not atm as he is 15) then he willnot have 2 pay maintance for her, does anyone now if this is right?

    Hannah
     
  9. Squiglet

    Squiglet Well-Known Member

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    No that's not right.... the laws changed... Nowadays it doesn't matter if the father is or isn't on the birth certificate. He still has parental rights and responsibilities.

    At the end of the day, the father must accompany you to the registry office in order for him to have his name put onto the birth certificate. If he refuses to do so, you cannot just have his name on there, because you are not married. So it will remain blank...

    However, maintenance money is done through the CSA. Not through the registry office...you can inform them of who the father is and they will track him down and get him to pay... If he contests paternity of the child you will need to get a solicitor involved and have a paternity test done... However, even if this paternity test comes back that he is the father, you still cannot get him put on the birth certificate... (sounds silly I know :roll:)

    The biggest problem you will probably have is getting CSA to get him to pay anything at all.. most women I have met have never been able to get ex's to make any payments through the CSA.. I am no exception. At the moment he is too young... so you will get nothing.

    I had Tia's father put on the birth certificate and it hasn't made the blindest bit of difference over whether he has paid money or that he has any interest in her life... yet I know other women who don't put the fathers name down, and that father pays money and sees the kid regularly.
     
  10. hannah_1993

    hannah_1993 Active Member

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    I dont bothered about wheter he wants 2 be on the birth cetificate if he is willign 2 be there for Faith and that and wants 2 go on then he can, i just did not want 2 leave him off them himnot have 2 paytowards his daughtewr when he is working, thankyou for the help.

    Im glad 2 knw, if i dotn want him on there he stil has 2 pay matenience.

    Hannah
     
  11. sophie-jordan

    sophie-jordan Well-Known Member

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    corse he does chick, your daughter is just as much his responsibility as she is yours
    xx
     
  12. mrs_tommo22

    mrs_tommo22 Well-Known Member

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    Whatever you decide to do goodluck, im 24 with a hubby and i find oit hard enough most days!

    But your age doesnt mean you wont be a good mum, so i want to wih you luck - I couldnt inagine being in your position id be scared!

    I hope your family supports you and your paretns cant make you have your baby adopted
     
  13. hannah_1993

    hannah_1993 Active Member

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    Even if they could i would not hand her over, my nanny would stop them if they culd anyway as if the worst comes 2 the worst i am moving with her as she has said her door is always open for me and bby if i need it.
     
  14. mrs_tommo22

    mrs_tommo22 Well-Known Member

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    Id say if your parents keep banging on about adoption tell them your moving out - your nan sounds like a wonderful lady and a staunch supporter in you, take care my lovely x
     
  15. hannah_1993

    hannah_1993 Active Member

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    My nanny has been wonderful,s he has brought most of the baby stuuf, all the big stuff, pram, cot, changing table ect,
     
  16. leckershell

    leckershell Well-Known Member

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    Just want to wish you good luck really. I don't know how I would have coped if I had been pregnant so young but you sound like a fab gal who knows what she wants, so fair play to you, good on you. You'll be fine. I'd take up the offer of your nan, she sounds like a lovely lady. x
     
  17. MissSara

    MissSara Well-Known Member

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    My son's dad didn't want anything to do with us when i found out i was pregnant at 17, it was his choice he gave me the choice " it's me or that baby" and i chose the baby.
    After my son was born he came back and me being me took him back, only 4months down the line to find him sleeping around with underage kids.

    I left and he then made the choice to cut him and all his family off from me and my son, i moved back to my parents and found that I COULD be a great young single mummy, in fact i was told by a health visitior that i was doing a better job than some women she saw and they were older experienced parents.

    If thats what you want to do hunny, forgot about him he really isn't worth it, you just be the best mum you can be.

    I have found my MR RIGHT now and my son calls him daddy and now we are expecting out lil one and i'm due to attend university, Things turn out for the best hun.
    If you ever want to chat feel free to pm me, i have been where you are xxxx
     

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