I don't know what to do and need your advice ladies;
My step Mum, Joanne, has always disliked me and especially my Mum, just because she can't handle his past & doesn't like any women in his life. Whenever my Dad has disowned me (which has been a lot!) she made things difficult for me and my Dad to rebuild our relationship. I did resent her for a long time, but never showed it because at the end of the day, when I leave my Dad's house, I'm just grateful he's not alone and he has someone there for him who looks after him.
A few examples of why she is a complete bitch!
When I found out I was pregnant, Joanne rolled her eyes as if she knew the day would come. She has NEVER asked how I am or asked how baby is etc. She doesn't even talk about it. My Dad doesn't talk much about baby when he's with Joanne and I think it might be because she gives him a hard time about it when I leave.
I bought my Dad a "Grandad" mug for Xmas when I found out I was pregnant - I found it the next day broken, Joanne said she was washing it and the handle fell off "because it must have been cheaply made"
At my 20 week scan, I wanted my Mum & Dad there. When I dropped him off afterwards he said "you can come in for a cuppa, but please do NOT tell Joanne that Mum was there today. She'll go mad" - Erm, WTF?! He also phoned me the next day and said she'd found out and asked if I'd said anything (which I hadn't, turned out to be a slip up from my brother) and he said Joanne was really upset because it's something that doesn't involve her and that Evie represents the relationship my Mum & Dad once had etc. She is jealous of a BABY!!! He asked me to make sure she always feels involved. I really resent that. It's not my problem and Lord knows I've tried to build some sort of relationship with her over the years, all to no avail.
My Dad told me once to stop talking about childhood memories because Joanne doesn't like it...
My Mum had a boob job last year but didn't tell anyone about it (apart from me and her OH), she asked Joanne if she could drop my brother off here as she was going into hospital - for all Joanne knew, my Mum could have been having a lump removed or god knows what!! She just text my Mum saying "no, you'll have to come & get him or get someone else to do it".
My Mum works 5 days a week and leaves here straight after work to pick my 13 yr old brother up every Friday and drops him back off again every Sunday (he lives with my Dad & Joanne). It's about an hour's drive each way but she never complains - Joanne NEVER does the journey, she doesn't work and moans to my brother if my Mum is ever late or anything.
She moved my brother schools without telling my Mum! (My Mum had to contact the school to get copies of his school reports because Joanne refused to give her copies) and when she didn't receive the last one, she phoned the school to ask to speak to his teacher to check how he is (because he's like a closed book, we try so hard to get him to open up but he won't and my Mum always worries that he's not happy etc). They said he'd changed schools since last Monday!
My brother had a football accident a few weeks ago and was rushed to hospital with a bone sticking out of his arm
My Dad phoned my Mum and told her, but told her not to come to the hospital because Joanne will feel "left out" as my brother lives with them. My Mum said it's tough sh*t & turned up anyway. Joanne made things really awkward and wouldn't let my Mum be alone with Ryan saying that "he needed her there for support". My Mum accepted because she didn't want to cause trouble, and Joanne told my Mum to go and have a fag break whilst she took Ryan to the loo, when my Mum returned, the bed was gone and a nurse told her that "his Mother had taken him down to theatre" !!!! Joanne had LIED about the time of his op and had claimed to be Ryan's Mum!
So, last time I saw my Dad & Joanne was a few weeks ago (Fathers Day) when she refused to sit in the room to watch Evie's 4D scan DVD. I didn't care, my Dad wasn't bothered about watching it either which kind of upset me. Anyway, I went to leave and said bye to Joanne who didn't even look up to acknowledge me leaving, and I cuddled my Dad and went to leave. He said "erm Dannii, get in the kitchen and say goodbye to Joanne" quite angrily. I said "I did!" and he said, "no, get in there now and say goodbye properly with a kiss & a cuddle" - I was soooo angry. I'm 20, about to become a Mother myself and was treated like a 5 year old child with my Dad MAKING me kiss & cuddle a woman who has treated me and my Mum terribly during the past 5 years.
She never spoke to me since, until I offered my Dad the chance to be my 2nd birthing partner. My Mum is my primary birthing partner, but I am allowed 2. Not because I want his support, or need him there, I just know he hates to be left out so I decided that although I would MUCH prefer my step Dad there, my Dad would probably not speak to me for aaaages afterwards and I don't want Evie dragged into this childish behaviour of my Dad & Joanne's.
Dad said "I don't want to be IN the room, I'll be waiting outside though, and believe me I will be the FIRST in there, cutting the cord and the first to hold my granddaughter" - Erm, no you won't! My Mum will cut the cord and my Mum will have the first cuddle! & I either want him there with me or not at all. He'll be taking up space that someone else could use by being the second birthing partner! A birthing partner to me constitutes someone who is THERE for me, by my side, telling me I'm doing great. Not someone who lurks outside, waits for that all important scream and runs in to grab baby for the first cuddle! He's only doing it so Martin (my step Dad) doesn't get the chance to be there. He then sneakily meantioned that "Joanne will be thrilled too and will want a cuddle" and basically said that she'd be there! Outside the room! NOOOOO!!
Anyway, since I offered my Dad the place last week, I conveniently received a text off Joanne the same evening saying "hope you're ok and baby is ok?" I just replied "yes thanks, hope you all are too" and left it there. She then invited my Mum in for coffee yesterday to which my Mum refused. This sudden change behaviour & attitude is because Evie's due date is fast approaching and she wants to be involved!!! It's all so transparent, and she'll be back to her old tricks soon!
What my Dad & Joanne do is play games and everything in their eyes is a game to win. Even the birth of my daughter.
What can I do? I don't want Joanne there and I want all this childish sh*t to stop because I will NOT have Evie dragged into silly games played by immature adults. Also, before giving any advice, you need to know that I have to be VERY careful how I word things to my Dad because anything I say which he doesn't agree with and he won't talk to me for months (long story, but we spent 18 months not talking because I had an argument with Joanne about talking so horribly about my Mum to me & my brothers).
Cheers ladies xx
My step Mum, Joanne, has always disliked me and especially my Mum, just because she can't handle his past & doesn't like any women in his life. Whenever my Dad has disowned me (which has been a lot!) she made things difficult for me and my Dad to rebuild our relationship. I did resent her for a long time, but never showed it because at the end of the day, when I leave my Dad's house, I'm just grateful he's not alone and he has someone there for him who looks after him.
A few examples of why she is a complete bitch!
When I found out I was pregnant, Joanne rolled her eyes as if she knew the day would come. She has NEVER asked how I am or asked how baby is etc. She doesn't even talk about it. My Dad doesn't talk much about baby when he's with Joanne and I think it might be because she gives him a hard time about it when I leave.
I bought my Dad a "Grandad" mug for Xmas when I found out I was pregnant - I found it the next day broken, Joanne said she was washing it and the handle fell off "because it must have been cheaply made"
At my 20 week scan, I wanted my Mum & Dad there. When I dropped him off afterwards he said "you can come in for a cuppa, but please do NOT tell Joanne that Mum was there today. She'll go mad" - Erm, WTF?!
He also phoned me the next day and said she'd found out and asked if I'd said anything (which I hadn't, turned out to be a slip up from my brother) and he said Joanne was really upset because it's something that doesn't involve her and that Evie represents the relationship my Mum & Dad once had etc. She is jealous of a BABY!!! He asked me to make sure she always feels involved. I really resent that. It's not my problem and Lord knows I've tried to build some sort of relationship with her over the years, all to no avail.My Dad told me once to stop talking about childhood memories because Joanne doesn't like it...
My Mum had a boob job last year but didn't tell anyone about it (apart from me and her OH), she asked Joanne if she could drop my brother off here as she was going into hospital - for all Joanne knew, my Mum could have been having a lump removed or god knows what!! She just text my Mum saying "no, you'll have to come & get him or get someone else to do it".
My Mum works 5 days a week and leaves here straight after work to pick my 13 yr old brother up every Friday and drops him back off again every Sunday (he lives with my Dad & Joanne). It's about an hour's drive each way but she never complains - Joanne NEVER does the journey, she doesn't work and moans to my brother if my Mum is ever late or anything.
She moved my brother schools without telling my Mum! (My Mum had to contact the school to get copies of his school reports because Joanne refused to give her copies) and when she didn't receive the last one, she phoned the school to ask to speak to his teacher to check how he is (because he's like a closed book, we try so hard to get him to open up but he won't and my Mum always worries that he's not happy etc). They said he'd changed schools since last Monday!
My brother had a football accident a few weeks ago and was rushed to hospital with a bone sticking out of his arm
My Dad phoned my Mum and told her, but told her not to come to the hospital because Joanne will feel "left out" as my brother lives with them. My Mum said it's tough sh*t & turned up anyway. Joanne made things really awkward and wouldn't let my Mum be alone with Ryan saying that "he needed her there for support". My Mum accepted because she didn't want to cause trouble, and Joanne told my Mum to go and have a fag break whilst she took Ryan to the loo, when my Mum returned, the bed was gone and a nurse told her that "his Mother had taken him down to theatre" !!!! Joanne had LIED about the time of his op and had claimed to be Ryan's Mum!So, last time I saw my Dad & Joanne was a few weeks ago (Fathers Day) when she refused to sit in the room to watch Evie's 4D scan DVD. I didn't care, my Dad wasn't bothered about watching it either which kind of upset me. Anyway, I went to leave and said bye to Joanne who didn't even look up to acknowledge me leaving, and I cuddled my Dad and went to leave. He said "erm Dannii, get in the kitchen and say goodbye to Joanne" quite angrily. I said "I did!" and he said, "no, get in there now and say goodbye properly with a kiss & a cuddle" - I was soooo angry. I'm 20, about to become a Mother myself and was treated like a 5 year old child with my Dad MAKING me kiss & cuddle a woman who has treated me and my Mum terribly during the past 5 years.
She never spoke to me since, until I offered my Dad the chance to be my 2nd birthing partner. My Mum is my primary birthing partner, but I am allowed 2. Not because I want his support, or need him there, I just know he hates to be left out so I decided that although I would MUCH prefer my step Dad there, my Dad would probably not speak to me for aaaages afterwards and I don't want Evie dragged into this childish behaviour of my Dad & Joanne's.
Dad said "I don't want to be IN the room, I'll be waiting outside though, and believe me I will be the FIRST in there, cutting the cord and the first to hold my granddaughter" - Erm, no you won't! My Mum will cut the cord and my Mum will have the first cuddle! & I either want him there with me or not at all. He'll be taking up space that someone else could use by being the second birthing partner! A birthing partner to me constitutes someone who is THERE for me, by my side, telling me I'm doing great. Not someone who lurks outside, waits for that all important scream and runs in to grab baby for the first cuddle! He's only doing it so Martin (my step Dad) doesn't get the chance to be there. He then sneakily meantioned that "Joanne will be thrilled too and will want a cuddle" and basically said that she'd be there! Outside the room! NOOOOO!!
Anyway, since I offered my Dad the place last week, I conveniently received a text off Joanne the same evening saying "hope you're ok and baby is ok?" I just replied "yes thanks, hope you all are too" and left it there. She then invited my Mum in for coffee yesterday to which my Mum refused. This sudden change behaviour & attitude is because Evie's due date is fast approaching and she wants to be involved!!! It's all so transparent, and she'll be back to her old tricks soon!
What my Dad & Joanne do is play games and everything in their eyes is a game to win. Even the birth of my daughter.
What can I do? I don't want Joanne there and I want all this childish sh*t to stop because I will NOT have Evie dragged into silly games played by immature adults. Also, before giving any advice, you need to know that I have to be VERY careful how I word things to my Dad because anything I say which he doesn't agree with and he won't talk to me for months (long story, but we spent 18 months not talking because I had an argument with Joanne about talking so horribly about my Mum to me & my brothers).
Cheers ladies
xx
You must have the patience and temperament of a saint, she sounds infuriating
All i was gonna say is that you should just be honest with your dad, but he does sound rather under the thumb (sorry :S) and if you think he wont speak to you if you mention any of this then that puts you in a really tough situation 
I'd lose my rag with someone like that very quickly, so youve done really well keeping the peace for as long as you have!!
He'll claim it's because he doesn't want to see me in pain and that it's a time when I need my Mum, not my Dad - But the real reason will be because Joanne will give him a hard time about what he and my Mum talked about, what I said, whether or not I mentioned my "problem with her" etc etc. He's not good in stressful situations.
