34 mnths TTC has seriously taken its toll!!

[NickNack]

Hello Ladies

Im sorry this is going to be a little bit of a rant.

Ive got myself into a really bad place with the whole baby thing that ive made the decision to switch of from it all until i start my IVF. Im fed up of everyone telling me it will happen with time and i have kind of accepted the fact i probably wont concieve naturally.

This cycle was sort of the last straw for me...we had a really good cycle and everything right, trying to give it a few really good tries before IVF as we have been told there is no reason why we cannot concieve naturally.

When AF arrived i was at work so had to smile through it and carry on with my day, including when 3 ladies who i work with who had thier babies at the start of June came in to visit with thier babies and came straight over to me with to give me a cuddle, im like the mummy in the office who doesnt have kids!! They said they were trying to make me broody as they just cant understand why im not pregnant yet!! erm...im trying!!!! i wanted to scream!!

I had a chat with my hubby and he told me that i have made my whole world about this baby and the baby is not even here yet! I need to try and find some contentment in the situation and look forward to whats to come instead of focusing my whole world on falling pregnant!

I know im starting IVF in Sept but the wait is killing me! Im trying to distract myself by keeping busy but were savig for a house so im trying to cut back on going out which means more nights in thinking.

I feel so down and im worried im crossing into a really really bad place so i need to just let it go! My plan of action to help me through is to stop trying! Literally Stop!! Stop the OPK's, Stop the tracking, the counting down and just live my life! That will take away the whole 2ww drama, the Am i ovulating lets pounce of the Hubby situation...... I know it will probably be easier said than done but i have to give it a try for my own sanity.

So i suppose my main question to you ladies is how do you cope with the waiting...i keep a journal, i have some relaxation CD's and i try to keep busy. Any other tips? Does anyone else get really emotional when thier Period comes or is that just me being dramatic? Im not gonna lie there are some months i have cried hysterically for ages!

Im seriously going insane!!!!

34 months of trying with no sucess has seriously taken its toll!!

Thanks for letting me rant it out ladies!!

Wishing you all the best of luck on your journeys xx

 

[ScotchEgg]

I signed up to a drawing course and it's been brilliant. I've really enjoyed it and it's had the bonus that I always have something to talk about with a passion when people ask what's going on in my life

 

[laurat]

The waiting truely is heartbreaking at times. It can really get you down. Ive now been waiting since Feb 2011 for an af or to ovulate. I dont know if not having a 2 WW ever is any easier but I certainly have stopped opk's and peeing on any sticks as its just so stressful! This really helped.

I made a plan of vitamins, keeping myself at a healthy weight and accupuncture to maximise my chances. Ive got my body to peak 'pregnancy' condition. This keeps me occupied as Im now doing a lot of sport etc. Ive also focussed on me and my oh enjoying timè together and taking part and doing stuff we wont be able to necessarily do with children. I giveyself projects to do as well such as doing up the living room etc. It does all help but Im slowly but surely just getting to the IUI! Mines is September too hopefully. Mind you I was told June and thats come and went.

Its can consume your world but trying to do other things is the way forward! Im writing this trying to convince myself too!!

 

[Gizzy Kelly]

Hi hon I am 32 months TTC and I know how you feel. It is extra hard when everyone around you is falling pregnant so easily. However there is light at the end of the tunnel! September is so close now, 3 periods away (if you don't fall naturally!). With that time I would concentrate on your house, and trying to go all the things you will struggle to do when you are pregnant. The Summer is your oyster so look at it like that! Book a nice holiday, weekends away, days out, plan your house look at the things you need to buy, decorate, get fit, exercise, and enjoy your job.l Enjoy your freedom. That is the way I look at it. I will prob start IVF in September, but I try and focus on the things to do now to keep my mind occupied. It will go do fast honest. I got obsessed with TTC this time last year, tests, ovulation, nutrition, reflexology, accupuncture. I took a step away from it all (don't get me wrong I still do ovulation) but I am trying to plan a summer is fun!

Good luck!

Gizzy xxxx

 

[Kay Kay]

Aww nick nack, you have just described what every one of us goes through on here at one stage or another. I'm really sorry you're having such a hard time. It does my head in too and yes I cry hysterically most months when AF arrives although mostly I'm just numb to it now.

What me and a friend of mine are doing at the mo is starting to plan a fundraising event. That will take up a lot of time and I know it will take my mind off ttc. It's hard to think of things to keep you busy esp when you're watching the pennies but the busier you are the better xxx

 

[LouiseB]

I'm so sad that you ate feeling this way, but I think that a couple of things you said are key to starting to feel better.

"the fact I probably won't conceive naturally" and "I need to find some contentment in the situation"

Now I know that it tends to be a no no to actually acknowledge that us girlies might actually never have our own or our partners children, but it is a unfortunate reality and i found that exploring the alternatives had a relaxing effect on my frame of mind.

I looked into the donor thing and the adoption thing and contemplated the life without children thing, just from a self educating perspective.

It didn't make me happy, but it replaced the black void with something else. Something else that seemed better than nothing. Something that you would have a choice in.

I'm still hopeful that I'll have my hubby's children and I'd still be devastated if I couldn't, but I'm at peace with doors still being open if not xx

 

[NickNack]

Ladies thank u so much for reaching out and giving me so reassurance that life goes on and it's ok and normal to be upset! Its the emotion behind it all that is the hardest thing to deal with! An hour doesn't go by where I don't think about us being parents and with 14 godchildren between me and my hubby I think it's time now!! Lol...in the case of always a bridesmaid never a bride, in this case it's always a god-parent never a parent!! Lol

We will get there one day, we have already said that after baby number 1, which we pray we will get through IVF of anything then we will adopt after that as I don't know if I could go through this again!

I will keep u all in my prayers and hope we all receive a bundles of blessings soon.

My dad is going to work with me to loose some weight and I have a couple girls weekends away in June and some time away in August to celebrate my anniversary. I make event stationary and I have alot of functions I'm working in this summer (3 which are baby showers!!) so that will keep me occupied.

Thanks again Ladies xxxx

 

[skeando]

I feel the same way. It's 3 years this month for us, and it doesn't get any easier. We are waiting for our first appt to discuss IUI properly which is August, but I am guessing it will be Sep at least before anything actually happens.

Starting to feel like it's all I think about again. We are just back from a wk in Turkey, which was lovely..... however seeing all the families having a great time (I know its not always like that) but it made me sad. I want that! It just feels like it takes the shine off things which you *should* be happy about.

I am thinking about going to speak to a counsellor about all this, I know I can do it through the NHS now we have been referred to a proper ACU, but I'm a wee bit suspicious that anything I said about how down I am feeling could be held against us. Has anyone else seen someone talk through stuff, and if so how did you choose someone?

 

[ScotchEgg]

Use of counsellors is actively encouraged at my ivf hospital

 

[LouiseB]

Good point Scotch, I've never tried it but the women that have normally have very positive things to say and its typically free xx

 

[NickNack]

Counselling is definetly something I would do. I might look into it. Xx