2 months to go and its all falling apart!

[ginaginge]

I'm 21 years old and about a month ago my 30 year old boyfriend agreed to move into my mums house with me until we can offord our own place with the baby wich is now only due two months away. From day one of him moving in it was very obvious to me he didnt want to be here. Id made so much effort, swapping rooms woth my mum and getting new furniture to make it better for the both of us. I was so excited to get to live with him and I thought he was excited too. After he moved in he kept going back to stay at his dads all the time, going out with his mates and staying out wich he's never really made a habit of on the past, he was always making excuses to be somewhere else.
In the end I lost my temper with it, id asked him again and again what was wrong and he wouldnt talk about it. I knew he didnt want to be here so I told him to pack his things and go back to his dads, I knew id saved him tje guilt of telling me he wanted to leave. I told him that if he couldn't cope with moving out and growing up now when he's 30 and got a little boy on the way then this isn't going anywhere because he will never grow up. He then told me he needs his own space.
Even though id had enough I decided to try and work things out, I do love him very much after all and we'd never argued before this. Now he's turned it all around on me and said that I've hurt him with what ive said. Ive hardly seen him for two weeks, he barely speaks to me and hes really distant, I'm seeing a new side of him and I just want my old boyfriend back, I dont want to lose him especially not so close to my due date but I dont know why he's being like this! Now not only do I feel hurt, unwanted and abandoned but I feel guilty on top of all that. I'm so scared of doing this alone! What shall I do??

 

[Ashbee]

Sorry your going through this hun, i know its not easy in any circumstance but esp since you have a wee boy on the way. I hate saying this but it sounds like hes using you asking him to leave as "get out of jail free card". You need to say to him either you both work it out for the baby as a couple or apart. either way you need to know as you cant let this stress you out just now. He doesn't sound like he has much, if any respect for you or baby. You should NOT feel guilty at all, you've done nothing wrong.

I hope he grows up and gets in contact with you and you can work things out x

 

[ginaginge]

Thanks ashbee, unfortunately I think you are right with everything you have said. My mum and most of my friends seem to think the same. I just wish it wasn't the case. Especially not now.

 

[Ashbee]

I know, but you and your son will be fine! he will love you unconditionally and you will love him!

have you spoke to him again?

 

[ginaginge]

Ive been trying to talk to him all day. He keeps avoiding my questions and making it all about him and he wont give me straight answers when im asking him if he wants to do this or not. Im so frustrated with the situation now. I just want it over and done with either way.

 

[Ashbee]

I know its easy for me to say, but, if i were you i wouldn't bother getting in contact. If he is any sort of man he will come to you.

good luck

 

[Pumpkin9]

This may sound harsh but it's not intended this way, but do you think him moving out by moving in to live with your mum is him 'growing up'?
Living with parents is living with parents, you don't get your own space, it's someone else's house etc.. Etc.. At 31 is find it hard although you've said he's living with his dad so must be fairly used to it.

Personally I'd struggle to live with my in-laws, not sure what his relationship with your mum is like but this may be a factor. Have you actually spoken to him about his reasons for being the way he is being?

 

[vampysgirl]

Hi,
I agree with ashbee and pumpkin but also I think maybe it's all a little overwhelming for him becoming a dad.
Guys seem to have troubles talking about these things. I know it's eady for us to speculate as to why he is behaving the way he is buf maybe he doesn't know how to react to these changes.
A baby is a huge responsibility and sometimes you don't realise until it's nearly there what big changes this brings.
I would stop contacting him and see if he contacts you. If not, you have your answer right there. Either way your baby will have a great loving mummy. Only thing thrn, is to figure out if he wants to be in his son's life or not. Don't stress over it though, I know easier said then done but do you think it's fair even for baby if you two argue all the time?
but maybe he just needs a little time to get used to the fact thst he will be a dad.
I wish you good luck with everything

 

[ginaginge]

I do understand its a lot for him but im having to get used to a lot aswell and I would have rather hed just said he didnt want to move in if that was the case instead of doing it just to leave after two weeks. It was a little disheartening. Its over now anyway and he doesn't seem very upset about it so maybe it just wasn't meant to be.