hi, not sure where to start on this one really, but hopefully someone can help. i have been in a relationship with my partner since august 2014, and it has been a great relationship, both of us being very much into each other. she is 44, i am 41, bot have a chils from previous relationships, both children are 8yrs of age. i ahve shared custody with mine, hers lives with her, whivh i get on with great. the conception date we have been given is 17th july 2015. it wsnt a planned pregnancy, but about 5-6 weeks ago, i noticed the changes, sore boobs, consistently tired ( very out of character for her!) appetite going/changing, kinda raised susspicions. anyway at this stage, i also noticed that she is slowly becoming more distant. on the 16/09/15, she took the test which was posotive, then two days later, decided to call it off on the relationship, as she felt 'numb' towards us. it came as a shock, to go from one extreme to the other. i asked for an exlaination, but got told she couldnt, as there had been no event or instances that would lead to it, which confused her, as well as me!! she has since been to to the dr, and also he clinic, and has decided to book herself in for a termination, as she now thinks this is all a mess! she has asked for space, but feels that she cant see the feelings returning. i have done the obligotary 'google' search, probably to my demise, but nearly every post i see would suggest the pregnancy plays a significant role here! anyone out there with any suggestion/advice, please drop me a line, very much at the end of my tether! i love her to bits, and loosing her is the last thing i want to happen. i cant help but thik that her hormonal changes are the culprit here. seems that after a month of being pregnant, things seem to creep in!
10 weeks pregnant, and partner pushing me away
- Thread starter taff523
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hi, ive tried talking, but the barriers are well and truly down! it quite ironic really that at 6months into the relationship, she'd have done anything to have another child, even suggested that she should come off the contraception and let nature take its course!
this is my point, thing were absolutely great, couldnt get enough of each other, wanting holidays together, instigated by her, amongst other things! hell, 2 weeks ago she took me to her parents 50th anniversay, which was when i first met them! (they live some distance away, hence the no rush!)
im finding it hard to understand why she would go from being so keen and all over me to quite the opposite in such a short space of time. the only influencing 'new' factor is that she is pregnant, and started withdrawing like this 4 weeks into it. maybe its me that is looking for an answer to the problem, but cant see how it all fits in with time scales etc?
this is my point, thing were absolutely great, couldnt get enough of each other, wanting holidays together, instigated by her, amongst other things! hell, 2 weeks ago she took me to her parents 50th anniversay, which was when i first met them! (they live some distance away, hence the no rush!)
im finding it hard to understand why she would go from being so keen and all over me to quite the opposite in such a short space of time. the only influencing 'new' factor is that she is pregnant, and started withdrawing like this 4 weeks into it. maybe its me that is looking for an answer to the problem, but cant see how it all fits in with time scales etc?
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I have reassured her of everything. .....but her barriers are firmly down.....contact is minimal at best.....and is insistent on the abortion! ! I have a week to convince her before her appointment. Her behaviour is so out of character in many ways....even her friends have commented.....but she can't see it.
mylullaby
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You can't "convince" her to continue with a pregnancy that she doesn't want. All you can do is show her that you will 100% support her whatever she decides to do. Nobody has a termination thinking "this is fantastic" and she's probably feeling like utter shit right now. If she really doesn't want the baby it is ultimately her choice - maybe she doesn't think she's up to it physically or emotionally? I do get that you're in a really difficult position and you clearly care for your partner, but honestly she needs to know you care for her whatever the decision, without any pressure to do what anyone else wants. Her body, her choice. X
russellmuscle
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I agree with mylullaby.
Xxx
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just thought id update........i backed off 100%, and she contacted me today saying shes thought about MAYBE seeing the pregnancy through, but really unsure about 'us', but MAYBE warming to the idea. shes confided in a friend, which i guess will help. i have now the feeling that i will be a spare part, lurking in the background, if that! guess its a step forward, but still uncertain of her feelings re 'us' or a 'future', i'll keep my distance for now, time will tell!
i have made it clear that my support will always be there for her whichever way she decides, but its the sudden drop of the barriers thats got me!
i have made it clear that my support will always be there for her whichever way she decides, but its the sudden drop of the barriers thats got me!
quick update.......she has now agreed to postpone saturdays 'appointment', although not dismissing it wont take place at another time, ive been told to stay away from her as she want a clear head to think things through, god only knows what she means with that though!!
mylullaby
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You mentioned that she has a good job and it sounds like she's fairly independent - perhaps she's worried about relying on someone else or how she'll manage if she can't rely on anyone else?! It's a huge deal for a woman - especially if she's not 100% about the relationship. However much we hear about maternity packages and equality, the bottom line is a baby could have a huge impact on her earning potential at a time when she's feeling financially secure/independent. You're quite right to let her know you're there for her, but this decision is likely to be a complex one for her and not one she'll take lightly. I get that you're concerned but I think I would feel a bit suffocated if my oh was pestering me to continue a pregnancy that could have a much more significant impact on my life than it will on his. Chances are, if the relationship doesn't work out for whatever reason, it'll be her who is left raising the child and managing all the financial and childcare issues that go along with that. Like I said earlier, she's hardly going to be thinking "can't wait to abort my baby" - it's far more likely she's thinking about the wellbeing of her existing children and possibly the impact on her career - they aren't small issues and if she's worried that taking care of a baby will be to the detriment of herself or her kids long term health/happiness she is perfectly entitled to make what will undoubtedly be the excruciatingly difficult decision to terminate the pregnancy. Hopefully you can be there for her whatever she decides.
was only about 5 weeks ago we discussed the potential issue of having kids, and both agreeing that it would be a good step forward etc, and previous to that about 6 months. i appreciate totally that she has numerous things to think about, and have offered her nothing but my full support, in either direction. it is very bizarre how she has changed her persona on many aspects of her life, even her friends have approached her about it. its hard staying out of the way, when we ere in each others life so much a very short while ago. but its her wish, so that she can get her head straight, so have to respect that.
