young parents...do you think its right to judge?

[cosmicgirl]

13 is young to have a baby though Lynette, maybe not in Yorkshire hehehe (dont batter me lol) x

 

[netty]

well cosmic i come from frigging doncaster and we have the highest teenage pregnancy rate in the country for gods sake so they should have all been accustomed to seeing me with a babba, so many very young girls here all mummies but i dont think any less of them, my mum was 19 when she had me

 

[jacy90]

I'm 22 and have had people judge me - the whole "you're wasting your life" and "bet she's on benefits and is a single mother looking for a council house" type crap. My real story is that I'm coming to the end of a psychology degree, whilst also working part-time as a support worker for the disabled, my partner is 30 and a self-employed builder and decorator, and we've been engaged for 16 months. We rent a large 2 bedroom flat, and support ourselves entirely! My bump is loved immensely by us already and is very much wanted! I have always felt older than I am, and many people have told me I'm mature for my age - most of my friends are in their late 20s/early 30s, some with families of their own. So what gives these randomers walking down the street the right to judge me when I'm nothing like their ridiculous stereotypes (and let's face it, very few people my age would fit their stereotype imo)
I would've been offended by that man, but take joy in the fact you can prove him wrong and make him look silly for his 'old-fashioned' thinking! Us "young'uns" need to stick together and prove them all wrong

 

[netty]

lol well said, my mum trainbed to be a nurse whilst she had me and has never let having a child hold her back i appreciate for some young mums it is hard and yes they do need support from the government but thats nothng for people to turn their noses up at at all? If i lost my job i'd be straight on the dole and i am not ashamed to say it

unfortunatley there are the few who give a bad examole so of course the nation then stereotypes all young mums the same and we all get a big lick of the same brush ( well YOU do i dont i dont even have kids yet...hope you dont mind me gatecrashing )

 

[cosmicgirl]

Thats true, I had my first at 18 whilst at uni. I was a single mum and working in the night to support my baby. I was judged horrifically but then i do wish I'd waited. I cannot bare these young girl that go on Jeremy Kyle though, they give young mums an awful name. I also cannot stand that 16 and pregnant programme, it's awful and seems to show the worst in young mums.
OBEM doesnt do much better for showing young mums in a bad light. The media really doesnt help at all!

I was only joking Lynette btw x

 

[cosmicgirl]

and is it me or are all the "dads" these girls fight over on Jeremy Kyle absolute mingers??? x

 

[netty]

I was only joking Lynette btw x

you better be missy or bum spankings are on the horizon

 

[cosmicgirl]

I was only joking Lynette btw x

you better be missy or bum spankings are on the horizon

Well if theres bum spankings then maybe I wasnt joking x

 

[elisesmum]

There is so many young mums that give others a bad name i live in yorkshire (hull) and it is full of young mums, which probably doesnt help with people stereotyping as many of them have no intension of ever getting a job and some have even been on jeremy kyle which is a shame because then i get judged because of them when i am working and working towards becoming a midwife, i know i was young when i had my first but it made me into a much better person and helped me choose my career path so i will never regret having her as now thanks to her i have won an award for being young person of the year for becoming a doula at 18, i dont think age counts at all when it comes to parenting i think its how mature you are x

 

[cosmicgirl]

But do you know what I found, yeah there are tonnes of young girls getting pregnant for benefits, being shit parents etc and the best way to get back at all who have judged you is to become a success and be an excellent parent.
You can't change what others think, you can't control anyone elses life but your own. Be the best you can be and f@ck em! xx

 

[netty]

I was only joking Lynette btw x

you better be missy or bum spankings are on the horizon

Well if theres bum spankings then maybe I wasnt joking x

thought as much

 

[jillianglen]

im 25 but look 16 and i get dirty looks all the time my poor oh looks like he is out with jailbait (hes 28), and yes i do claim benifits but its only because i am unable to find a job and its always the ladies in the job centre that talk down to me, oh is a self employed roffer and works every day he can to support us but i no longer worry about other people as they dont matter to me the only thing that matters is my little family that took 3 years of ttc to complete.

 

[mrswarner87]

im 24 and im having my 3rd baby. i think alot of people judge me but all i can say is, my mum has a well paid job as does my dad. i come from a very supportive family and im far from trailer trash land lol. ive been with my husband for 8 years and we have a lovely house and 2 amazingly beautiful children. BUT if you didnt know any of that and i just said im 24 and on my 3rd baby how would i be judged.?
id rather be judged on my parenting that my age.

our society has changed for our generation but the older generation still have old views.
xxx
ps im so jealous that your doing a hypnobirthing class... i sooo wanted to go to one

 

[Em91]

I'm 20 and OH is 21 we don't claim benifits (apart from the fact i get disability living allowance but thats not means tested), we don't own a house but we privately rent one. we've been together 3 and 1/2 years and have over £2500 a month coming in, yet people judge us because we're young, our grandparents had their children at 20/21, as my nan said it goes in cycles. I would hate to wait until i'm over 30 to have my kids! i want to still be young when they're grown up! I work with children so come into contact with parents of all ages and backgrounds, and in my experience i've seen just as many awful older parents as young ones, vice versa.

I do agree that children having children is wrong, Girls who are still at school are going to miss out on a lot! and as a rule aren't going to have jobs etc because they're not old enough!

 

[Happyred]

This is one of those situations that you just cant win! I was 22 when i had my daughter and frequently got told i was being daft,irresponsible, was too young, not secure enough,blah,blah,blah! Now im 34 and expecting lo and people are saying stuff like, oh your quite old, how will you cope, wont it ruin career prospects, etc, etc! Your age doesnt dictate if you will be a good parent or not, so what does it matter.

 

[cosmicgirl]

This is one of those situations that you just cant win! I was 22 when i had my daughter and frequently got told i was being daft,irresponsible, was too young, not secure enough,blah,blah,blah! Now im 34 and expecting lo and people are saying stuff like, oh your quite old, how will you cope, wont it ruin career prospects, etc, etc! Your age doesnt dictate if you will be a good parent or not, so what does it matter.

Snap!!
18 with number one, 33 with number 5! x

 

[Violet]

I get the funny looks and stuff as I'll turn 40 just before baby is born. He's my first. People say why have I waited so long, well life didn't turn out as expected otherwise yes I'd have had mine before now.

It doesn't help that my OH is younger than me and I've even had people think he's my son! I have fears that when baby is born we'll be walking down the street n people will say oh is this yr grandson!!!!

Not all older folk judge younger folk tho, it's just as often the younger ones judging the older ones.

 

[Katkin72]

ooo people love to judge dont they i was 13 when my bro was born andused to take him out all the time and people would tut at me and stare as they assumed he was mine lol

Lol, i was 17 when my brother was born and I got the same reactions whenever I took him out. It didn't help that my best friend was male so everyone assumed we were a couple & my bro was our kid!! I used to get really arsey with anyone who commented to us!

 

[GoldenDragon]

I'm 17, my OH is 19. I'm still in school (sixth form) and my OH is currently job seeking as best he can. We may be young, but we love our little girl so much already. I know what you all say when you talk about getting looked at etc, now I'm starting to show properly people keep looking at me and tutting in the street x

 

[FirstBabyYaay]

I'm 24 (25 when baby comes) and I look young for my age. When I'm on my own I have to show ID to rent a 15 movie!! My husband's 38 but everyone guesses him as late 20s. Im only 17 weeks but already showing a bit and I do worry that I'll start to get funny looks and be thought of another silly teenage mother. The truth is I've a degree in law and we both have stable, well paid jobs. We own a lovely 3-bed house and have been married for over 4 years. This baby is VERY wanted and already VERY loved.

My sisters are all the same, I remember when one was in hospital having had twins she was asked what it was like to be under 16 and have 2 babies. She smuggly told them she was 30 and happily married- so she wouldn't know what it's like!

I know it's difficult to let it go when people pass judgement, but at the end of the day I think it's my choice whether or not to let it bother me, so I don't. I got loads of comments and patronising "you're wasting your life" speeches when I got married at 20, especially as there was such an age gap. But we're just right for each other, so my husband and I have just learnt to laugh it off. We're super happy - and we're not letting anyone spoil it!!