WW3 tantrums - help!

[candymycandy]

Hi all

So I’m prepared for tantrums with a toddler (he just turned 3) but for the past 3-4 months (even pre my newborn coming along in December) he’s been having tantrums to end ALL tantrums and I just wanted to see if this sounded normal/par for the course?? As an example, today’s began with my dh trying to change his nappy. This descended into screams of NO, hitting, kicking, (head butting me!), throwing his things (out of his room and then screaming he wants them back), trying to break things, hysterical crying. This lasted for about 90 mins. This is pretty standard.

I know it’s related to asserting his independence but honestly he just seems to go to another level and we’ve tried everything but always seem to fail on talking him down. It usually ends with him pretending he’s hurt himself (seems like this is his Way of ending it without giving in if you see what I mean) and it’s all over.

Other than his new brother (but as I say this started before) there haven’t been any changes for him. And usually he’s the kindest, funny and loving boy. Nursery can’t believe when we tell them about his behaviour at home as he’s literally an angel there and they all love him!

So does this sound normal? Has anyone got any tips we might not have tried to diffuse things and subsequent discipline? We threatened taking some toys from him temporarily so thinking once he wakes (he crashed!) of calmly telling him what we are doing?! I don’t know anymore!!


Thanks and sorry for essay x

 

[Kholl]

THIS IS MY SON.

I will write more when I’m on a computer but I have lots of things to offer that may help. Just wanted to say now it’s normal and you’re not alone.

 

[candymycandy]

Such a relief to see this kholl thanks. Looking forward to reading when you get chance x

 

[Kholl]

Ok so first of all, my son was born a very fiery young man. He was colicky, he spit up all the time, he HATED the car, he hated the carriers, he was never just "chill." So a lot has to do with his temperament. He's just an intense (and loving, sensitive, thoughtful, articulate, charming-as-hell) little guy. So in that way, the tantrums are unavoidable in that he feels things VERY deeply, and at 3 it's difficult to hold those major feelings and know what to do with them.

Have you heard of/read "Raising your Spirited Child"? I can't recommend that book enough. So start there!

OK, as for the tantrums themselves, first and foremost when they start, STAY CALM. This was major for me. I used to spiral too ("Why is this happening?!? What's wrong with him? Can't we just have ONE DAY without this? Oh god here we go again") etc etc. It made me much more impatient and it made helping him a LOT harder. So stay calm. This is not an emergency. He just needs help.

I often need to start with putting in earplugs (I don't know about your boy, but mine can scream so loud that the pain is excruciating) so I can hold him. Often he just needs me to hold him close until he calms down. If that's not working, I'll move on to humor (tickling, silly faces/voices etc) and that sometimes breaks the spell. If that doesn't work, I'll carry him around and talk cheerfully about things I'm doing (random and insignificant things, like "ok let's put the milk away! Here we go, I'm going to start the laundry!").

I also have to be careful about what he eats. My older daughter can have ice cream and candy and junk and be mostly ok, but Johnny can not. He just can't handle it as well. I have to make sure he has a big breakfast heavy on protein and fat. Preferably all his meals should be like that, but breakfast is key. I minimize sugar in all forms, and make sure he is outside as much as possible.

I will write more later, kids need me, but I hope this helps for now.

 

[candymycandy]

Thanks kholl that’s helpful re the food I might try a bigger breakfast tomorrow. He’s very physical so not sure I could carry him round like that but I think that’s a great idea. He also will not be held

You’re right about staying calm. I start out this Way and try to come back to it but it’s always interspersed with raised voices, especially when he’s hitting. Thanks for sharing. Good to know I’m not alone! x