Would like some advice re work......moral dilemma.....

clucky77

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Hey all

I have a big moral dilemma and would like to know what others wold do....

Sadly, I recently miscarried. It was my first pregnancy, and I was so excited that everything was planned around the arrival of the bub in Oct. My contract at work finished in Aug, and I was keen to just relax before bub came along. The thought of future employment was far from my mind.

Now that I have miscarried, I am devastated for the obvious loss, but also have NO IDEA what to do work wise. I am a researcher so most of my positions are longer term contracts. It's also very important I do not leave people in the lurch as can be detrimental for studies and given grant money is tight and we are researching for children with mental illness, morally I am in a pickle!

I want to try for another bub in a couple of months, but I am still faced with looking for a new job. I have a job in mind but it is 'till Mar 10 and am hoping I'll be a Mum early '09. If I apply, how do I get around the whole fact that I will be in the middle of trying to get preg, or perhaps even newly preg, and may have to leave 7 months or so later!

I do have the right to don't i? But I just don't know if I can do this morally. I will feel I am being dishonest and letting ppl down. But then again, nothing is certain (as I now know!) so perhaps I need to go on with my life. Not sure but it's adding to my stress so would love others opinions.........
 
Firstly can i say how sorry i am for your loss :hug: :hug: :hug:

Surely you would still have the right to maternity pay & the other usual rights so long as you been in the employment for the usual requirement (cant remember how it is).

I understand what your saying but the fact of the matter is, if you tell your employer your trying for a baby then basically your sharing your sex life with them and they dont have a right and prob wouldnt want to know that lol.

Like you have said, life deals its cards and you cant always control these cards.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

XX
 
I am very sorry for your loss. My first reaction would be to carry on with the hunt for a job. You never know what life has planned for you and you need to take your chances.

You might fall pg straight away, maybe a bit longer but you just dont know.

Good luck with whatever you decide. :D
 
Thanks ladies :(

I agree to apply if I am trying,

But what if I AM pregnant when I interview and before I even start teh job.... I just don't want employers (senior people in my field who can have an influence on my career!!!) to do teh maths and think 'she knew when she took the job." I could even be around 10 weeks by the start date, assuming I fall preg next month.

Should I still go for it or try and find a job with a 6 month position.... which could be tough and as we have said, too many uncertanties in life...
 
Employers aren't allowed to discriminate against pregnant women, and you don't have to tell your employer about a pregnancy until about 20 weeks (something like that).
I'd say go for whatever job you want to do. It can take a while to conceive and you just don't know what or when it will happen so it's better to be in a job.

I really hope things work out for you :) xxx
 
Thanks for your opinions ladies!

What if I acutally went for a job whilst pregnant...... knowing I would have to leave in 5 months or so. Hmmmmmmm. Just not sure what to do.
 
Firstly I am so sorry for your loss :hug: :hug:
Being pregnant does not mean your not allowed to apply for jobs, I think if you put your life on hold for TTC it will make you even more obsessed and stressed over it which in turn is more likely to get in the way of you getting pregnant rather then help. I truly believe everything in life happens for a reason and when the timings right you will fall pregnant and you will get whatever job is right for you at the time if the jobs not ment to be you wont get it. For example OH and I spent 6 months waiting for a new build house only to find we couldn't buy it and were devestated we then looked for another 6 months for a house put an offer on one and also missed out on it and it was all so frustrating but now I have accidently become pregnant and if we had brought a house meeting the payments would be such a worry especially with the high interest rates etc so not getting house really was for the best just didn't feel it at the time!

TTC can take awhile hopefully it wont and you will catch straight away but if it does and you only take a short contract you could be looking for another one at the end of it, ultimately the decission is yours but I would carry on looking for jobs for now as normal and see how things pan out! :hug:
 
clucky77 said:
Thanks for your opinions ladies!

What if I acutally went for a job whilst pregnant...... knowing I would have to leave in 5 months or so. Hmmmmmmm. Just not sure what to do.

Do you have to only work in this specific field? Maybe consider just doing something else in this time period so as to be more freed up and not under so much obligation. Any job would do so long as you liked it and it would give you maternity benefits. You could go back to your research work later.
 
If it were me......
I would TTC once I felt ready, and carry on looking for a job. If I was pregnant at interview, and knew it would cause a problem with the job, I would probably tell them to give them the opportunity to decide. If I wasn't pregnant at interview, I wouldn't say we were TTC and just wait to see what happened.

I am in a similar situation in that I am quite senior working in a small business, and so my maternity leave has a massive impact on my boss. Becasue my last pregnancy, had i not miscarried, would have fallen at a very bad time for him, I told him very early on. Although it would still cause a problem if I get pregnant again now, I am still TTC becasue I don't want to miss any opportunities. I will deal with the consequences if and when they happen.

I think there is too much pressure on you if you are trying to concive within a specific timeframe, and thus it is less likely to happen. It is very difficult for employers to manage maternity leave, but I think provided that you give them as much help as you can to manage the time you are off, you can feel morally justified. You are providing the next generation of workers afterall!
 
Yep I would prefer to work in my field as it's quite cut throat- 'publish or perish' so I would feel bad/guilty if i tried something else.

I think I am just going to apply for things and see how I go if/when I get interviews. I am going to start trying next month, I think, although sometimes I think I am now ready.

Many thanks for all of the wonderful advice

Will keep you posted....
 

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