Worried and angry, help?

[MrsDraven]

I went to A&E not long after I discovered I was pregnant because I began having cramps and bleeding. They refered me to the Early Pregnancy Unit, who confirmed I was still pregnant via bloods and a scan. They're checking my bloods again next week to make sure the HGC levels are rising as they should. The bleeding isn't heavy at all, an average period is heavier than this. Thing is when I went for a scan, I had a really horrible and useless doctor and sonographer doing the scan. The dr was extremely callous and harsh saying that it could be ectopic or a miscarriage, but it was like she just didn't care. A 'your baby might die, get over it' attitude. She was hiding information from my fiance and refusing to let him see the screen and look at his child. They then went on to say the womb was empty indicating either it was too early to tell, ectopic or I'd miscarried. This is where my major anger kicked in. I kept my cool because I could do without the stress right now, but that was a 100% blatant lie and they knew that. My fiance [on the odd glance he managed to sneak!] and myself both saw the baby there. The sonographer was taking screenshots specifically of the baby. I researched into scans and the baby looked to be around 4 weeks. I dislike the fact that I was quite blatantly lied to, and given a bad attitude because we are young and chose to have a child.
The woman taking my bloods is fantastic, she's the only one out of all the ones I saw that I actually trust. But I couldn't stand the other two.
Why am I bleeding, and why did the doctors lie to me about the baby being there?

 

[mustard]

That is awful and how strange. I would have thought they would have shown you the screen so that you could see what they saw and they could have explained why they weren't sure. I hope everything is ok. How old are you by the way? (just out of interest, obviously however old you are you can be wonderful parents).

 

[MrsDraven]

They were extremely irritating. I swear the doctor didn't have a medical degree. My fiance is 23, I'm 24. Perfectly fine age to have a child if you ask me, but apparently it's cause to be looked down on in London! Eugh.

 

[mustard]

I was expecting you to say you were 15 or 16. If you believed some of the media we should all be having kids before we are 30 anyway because after that we are either infertile or putting the babies at risk of downs etc (I'm just quoting the daily mail and the like here, I don't believe that before anyone gets upset with me). But medically 24 is about the perfect age!

 

[MrsDraven]

Yeah. I don't see why she seems so disgusted to be honest, it annoyed me. I'm old enough to carry a child and if she has a problem with us not yet being married, A it's not her business and B we are marrying before the baby is born anyway.
Thing is I also have hydrocephalus and a broken shunt tube. The broken tube isn't a problem, it's been in there for 10 years and I've been fine but despite me telling them this they never even mentioned anything about a neurologist referral despite that being the norm when you have shunts, you're supposed to have a neurologist monitor you throughout the pregnancy. But I have no idea what's going on and they're not exactly being great about it. Like I said, the only decent person I've had so far is the woman taking my bloods. No-one seems remotely concerned about this at all though. I'd normally find that reassuring but considering how useless they're being, I can't say it is. I think I'm still pregnant despite the bleeding. The cramps have eased, but I'm still getting sickness and I'm sleeping a lot.
A friend of ours suggested the bleeding may be due to my height. His mother experienced similar bleeding and he was born perfectly healthy. She was small in height and frame, much like me [I'm 5ft1 and 7 and a half stone] and the doctors said to her the bleeding was because she was quite small her body was just adjusting to pregnancy a little differently and that it was perfectly normal. I'm trying to look on the positive side but after you've had an ignorant idiot with a bad attitude pretty much tell you your child is probably dead and you should just get over it it's a little difficult to be positive. I'm glad I have a high tolerance threshold because I'd be in jail right now, I was extremely tempted to beat her with the damn stirrups!

 

[mustard]

Well I hope you and baby stay as healthy as possible so that you don't need any more contact with them than absolutely necessary.

 

[MrsDraven]

Thank you. I'm tempted to switch over to Hammersmith hospital. I'll be having the baby there anyway because Ealing doesn't have a maternity ward anymore [they shut it down because a nurse dropped a newborn down a flight of stairs and gave the baby brain damage.... Says it all about this hospital really!] so I might just go through the whole pregnancy at Hammersmith. I only went to Ealing because it was an emergency and it's 10 minutes away. Bleh.

 

[Lewa]

I'm afraid I can't offer you much support with the medical stuff and scans, but at least I can tell you that I'm 22 and pregnant, planned, and luckily I haven't faced much critique yet, but I know it will come and especially when I start uni this fall. I think that's so sad as I don't see why a couple shouldn't have children in their early twenties if they're in a stable relationship and want to! If anything our bodies and minds will be able to cope with the stress on the body and the tiredness of caring for the children very well thanks to our age (Not saying you can't do a good job if you are older!!!) My husband is 26 though, so a bit older, but still...I'm only 22, and still in University.. We've been married for almost 2 years, but only known each other for about 3,5 which I guess is less than many unmarried couples who want children anyway.. I do think it's great that you are getting married before the baby is born though, by the way For many reasons! So congratulations on that

Oh, and I remember a One Born Every Minute episode that had a couple in their early twenties and they talked about how everyone, also midwives doctors etc always just assumed the baby was a "mistake" and unplanned and that it was just "yet another teenage pregnancy" which is really sad and takes away so much joy from the experience! I've only seen my GP about my pregnancy so far, and luckily she was really happy for me I had been there a month earlier getting bloods done because we had been trying for a while and I have very irregular periods, so I guess that "helped" because she knew we were really trying...

I really hope things sort themselves out for you! That the baby is healthy and that you will get some nicer doctors and sonographers in the future!

 

[MrsDraven]

Thank you.
It was really irritating. The way they were behaving you'd think we knew each other for 1 accidental night while drunk! We've known each other for 5 years, been together for 18 months and were engaged a year before I fell pregnant. Ok, so it wasn't 100% planned but so what? We're stable and fine, it's not like I showed up at 15 with several different men cause I wasn't sure who the dad was! Although with the way they were acting you'd think that was the case. Ridiculous.

 

[angelmma]

Mrs Draven, whilst pregnant with my first I bleed on and off up until 30 weeks (mostly spotting) they couldnt explain it (werent really interested in it tbh) but my baby was prefectly healthy eventhough she was born 3 weeks early. I was 18 when pregnant with my first and actually looked younger, and I did notice a few did view me as some stupid teenager, even though my daughters father was with me at every appointment (I was in a relationship with him for over 8 years). If you have worries about anything then always insist that it bes checked out.

After having my baby the girl in the bed next to mine was forced to breast feed eventhough she was crying with a pain in her chest, it was only when her mother came in and demanded that they check out what was wrong that they discovered that she had a clot in her lung!!! They were trying to discharge her that day!! So always stick to your guns no matter who looks down on you, they are small minded people.

Im 28 now and my OH is just turning 22 and we were only going with each other a month when I got pregnant. I dont care what anyone says as its our life and we love each other so much. I spent 8 years with the wrong person and can tell this is the right one Best of luck chick, and keep on annoying the hospital till they take your concerns more seriously xxx

 

[Laura_C]

I wouldn't of thought they had any reason to hide your baby from you at all, very strange! At 4 weeks I would have thought there would be nothing to see at that stage in pregnancy anyway. If you an your OH saw a baby on the screen then I would suggest you were further along than 4 weeks. I'm not even sure you would see a gestational sac clearly at that stage. Did they tell you your Hcg levels? Most hospitals will not scan ladies until their levels are up to 1000-2000, usually 2000 as the ultrasound machine simply cannot pick up anything before that stage. I just don't see why reason they would have to lie to you. Usually hospitals will wait to scan until 6-7 weeks as before then they cannot really state if the pregnancy is likely to be viable. At 6 weeks my baby was the tiniest dot you have ever seen, more yolk sac than anything but it did have the tiniest flickering heartbeat by 6+4 weeks.

 

[positivity :)]

hi hun, i go to chelsea and westminster hospital and i can say they have been great! i know its a bit further but i would deffo recommend xx

 

[pinkyprincess]

Queen Charlottes looked after me in the specialist fetal care unit when I had to have some tests and they are lovely. I'm booked in at Hillingdon and they seem nice too. Make sure your firm about your hospital choice and you might be better off to self reffer (we were told we had no choice about Hillingdon!)

I don't personally think that Ealing's a very good hospital OH's grandad had a heart attached while IN the hospital and they put him in an ambulance to Hammersmith!!

If your really worried why not go for a private scan?

Hope everything turns out for the best!

 

[MrsDraven]

She did say 7 weeks so i could be wrong. I dont know much about these things! I think queen charlottes was my next option to be honest. Ive heard nothing but good things.

 

[beanster]

Go for a private scan then you can put your mind at rest. Hope it all works out ok for you all. Think medical people sometimes forget that we are actually human beings and not just labrats - grrrrr

 

[Cazza]

At the other end of the scale completely at 40 and pregnant I also get alot of flack from Dr's and blinkin midwives!!! Lots of 'well at your age anything could happen' and 'as you are an older mum....blah blah blah'!!!!

So I understand that bit!!

As for the scan, why they wouldn't let you look I have no idea? Even with my MMC in January I asked to see what they were looking at and have it all explained and they did with no problems.

I wonder if next time before a scan you could just tell them how worried you are and that you would prefer to see what is going on?

 

[Laura_C]

I was 22 when pregnant with my daughter and my midwife said it was a perfect age to have a baby! I thought she would think I was too young, but I was already married with our own house by then. I did get some negativity from midwifes when they realised it was my first baby, it was always like 'oh it's your first baby' very patronising!!

 

[1986princess]

Sorry to hear uv been treate so badly, hope u find a hospital that puts your mind at test and treats u well. Ul be very worried naturally after the lies but a private scan may help put u at ease xx

 

[Maria1977]

Hey Mrs Draven, only just caught up with this thread. Hope you and LO are ok and sorry that you had a bad experience at the EPU.

I had a horrible consultant during the 3rd tri of my pregnancy, he, to me, was callous and uncarinig, but realistically he was probably just too clinical. A 'seen it all before' and too cut off from it attitude. I don't think they all see us as ppl, we're just statistics.

If I get preggo again I wll have to be under consultant care from the start and I already know I will not let him anywhere near me.

On the other hand though I did have alot of midwives and doctors around during my labour that were fantastic, absolutely wonderful.

If they upset you badly you have every right to see other staff or go to a different hospital entirely.

Really hope you're ok xxxxxxxx