Wonder why i hate the NHS, read on (long story)

[Minime]

Sonia, youve clearly got a lot of anger and are directing it towards nursing staff. If I may venture, I think this is because your experience with them resulted in lack of control, you didnt feel you were in control of the situation and had a bad experience which results in anger. I think the anger is more to do with your previous rapes and the lack of control you felt and still feel. I think any situation (not just NHS experiences) where you dont feel in total control will likely trigger an angry reaction from you and I really think you need counselling. Your GP can arrange this but there is often a lengthy waiting list or you can go to rape crisis who will see you very quickly. Either way hun please do it soon.

If you dont mind me asking, did you report your attacks to police?

 

[HayleyB]

yeh lol i kinda feel lots differnt in person tho, i get all shy and just dont get on talking to strangers (lol) u lot aint strangers, u r me friends lmao!!

Just been goin thru the loss board n its made me feel a wee bit worse, (for when i miscarried) so i shant go there for a while !!

XX

For ages after my rape i refused to go to counselling, because i couldn't face talking to a stranger.... But eventually i spoke the rape people in town and once i met my counsellor she wasn't a stranger, she wasn't a friend, but she was out of the circle.... and most of the women who counsel at the centre i go to have also been through it too, so they're not just there for the sake of it, they want to help the same way they were helped.

xox

p.s i tend to not go on the loss bit too, at first i relied on reading in there, but now i tend to check it but not read it lots. xox

 

[sonia205]

No i didnt, when i was 13 i didnt even tell me parents!
I dont think i am angry person at all, i am very kind and friendly but if someone annoys it it angers me which im sure it does anyone.
I am reli a nice person so polite u would never guess my history n stuff!

 

[sonia205]

so they do kno what its like thn?

 

[Jo]

Please don't take this a the wrong way, but i have read a few of your posts and am concerned for you.

You seem to be bubbling away with anger if thats the right word and i am worried you are gonna just blow, you seem to be heading straight for depression.

Like was said above there is loads of help out there for you, maybe starting with rape crisis as Hayley suggested

 

[sonia205]

i am scared, and i dont kno i dont get to socailise much and on my way back from the shops i got reli worried the bloke followin me was about to attack me! I personally think i am already depressed to b honest, i always feel real tired and i seem to just cry some days.

 

[HayleyB]

so they do kno what its like thn?

Yes, alot of the volunteers have been through it, both the male and female counsellors.
I asked to have a female counsellor - which they're used to - and almost expect.... Speaking to someone really helped me, which is something that i denied within myself for ages.... I was raped at 16 by a friend, and again between 17-19 by a boyfriend who'd made me feel like i deserved it... At the time i really thought i could work through everything on my own, but i just couldn't

I'd say at least look for the support in your area, or contact the main rape crisis number and they should be able to set you up through them.
If you don't like it or even the counsellor you get matched up with, they won't be offended if you ask to change or say that you're not comfortable, they understand and know how you feel.

xox

 

[HayleyB]

i am scared, and i dont kno i dont get to socailise much and on my way back from the shops i got reli worried the bloke followin me was about to attack me! I personally think i am already depressed to b honest, i always feel real tired and i seem to just cry some days.

I know i keep joining in on this, but i used to get like that alot....
am not saying that counselling will magically make everything better, but it helped me start to deal with stuff.... and has gradually made my panic attacks like you have get less and less frequent, and built up my confidence within myself again.

Only you can take that 1st step, but i would recommend it xox

 

[Jo]

Aw sweetie you sound just like me a couple of years ago, i had an accident and was scared to death of everything( i won't go into it now as this is your thread)

i think it should be a docs appointment for you first thing on monday morning and please tell him how you are feeling and i mean if you cry, snot and blub so what they have seen it before and it will get you the help you need.

If they offer you tablets take them, i am certain there is a few of us on here who are on them or have been on them at some point

We are here for you whatever

*i have had councilling as well*

 

[Jo]

ADD ON* You need to sort through this so you can be the best mum you can, 2 children under 2 would be tough for anyone, let alone someone who has been through all you have

 

[sonia205]

i feel tht it cant have happnd to me, i feel i live in denial if tht makes sense...?

 

[Jo]

That makes sense completely

Sorry to ask but do you get flashbacks of any of these things?

I got loads then knew something had to be done as i was a wreck intears all the time

 

[HayleyB]

I lived like that for a long time hun, so yes it makes sense...
Think admitting it happened may be the first step, and as Jo says, get to the doctors, and take whatever they offer you just to help even you out a bit....

The first steps are the hardest IMO

xox

 

[sonia205]

Yes i did get flashbacks not so much now tho, hardley ever in fact, i found tht before JD was born i was havin flash backs of the caesarean n stuff not so much the rapes, but if i watch tv tht has tht sort of thing goin on i have to turn over and still i end up with flash backs tht night.
When they happnd i was a wreck, when i had flash backs back thn i was practiclly in coma, my husband would get punchd n kickd in bed try to wake me but couldnt it was a really scary time for me but touch wood hasnt happnd like tht for ages,

 

[Minime]

Sonia its like a box, you think youve put it all away only something will trigger it and you go over it all again. If you want to PM me your msn to chat then please do. I'm a social worker with extensive experience both personal and professional in this field. In fact I have somebody serving time at her majesties pleasure for things that happened to me when I was around 13. That was my way of closure and not everyone can or wants to do that, we each have our own ways of dealling with things.

Not sure if youre pregnant now or not but if youre not go and see your GP for some medication as it does help to a certain extent, particularly with panic disorder.

 

[lauramumof2]

Hi Sonia,
I thought you were about 30ish. You sounded very wise about the home births etc when we were chatting about them. Im taken aback, you sounded so confident and sure of yourself then, it was a bit over a month ago and now you sound distressed.

The advice given here sounds really good, be the confident person you sounded a month ago and go to that doc and tell him you need help.
Imagine them telling you that you needed to pay, disgusting.

 

[sonia205]

lol i hope not i have just had a baby lol!!! he is 7 weeks im not plannin no more for another 3-5 years!

Thanks i have PMd u my MSN addy !

 

[sonia205]

lol thanks 30 ish lol!! well i feel really old now!!!

Thanks for your comments on my comments lol

I will make an appt and keep u all posted what happens, speak to u soon added u to msn hope u dont mind

xx sonia n family xx

 

[lauramumof2]

but the harsh reality for me is that i am 30ish. Well, 29.
It was just the way you came across, not meant as a bad thing

 

[sonia205]

yeh i kno lol i feel kinda reli proud now!! And remember you are only as old as u feel, which in my case im 102, lol
xx