Who is going to be at the birth?

[jody1981]

When my son was born it was a very worrying time as he decided to make an appearance at 26 weeks, I was taken from our local hospital to another one by ambulance at 2am, my OH was told to go home and pack a bag so on the way he called my mum to update her on the situation and she followed him to the hospital in her car so she was there for the birth or my son - Actually I was kinda glad as it was so scary.

But.....

This time round my OH and I want it to just be the two of us but yesterday she came out with "I have booked the week off when you are due but I have told work I will have to leave if I get the call if she comes early / later" so I said what call? and she goes well to see the baby born of course.
My heart sank - I just replied and said well mum we need you to be at home with Michael (our son) and to be honest we were going to just have the two of us there.

She replied - Well your dad can have Michael and if I am not wanted I will just wait outside in the car.

Now I feel just awful but we really want just the two of us present this time round, surely someone should wait to be invited to the birth and not just assume they are on the guest list???

Any thoughts / advice welcome please! She has not mentioned it again YET but I know she will as the time gets closer and I dont want to feel pressured or guilty about it.

x

 

[CARNAT22]

Just be honest hun,

My Mum was with my sister for both of her births and she expected to be at mine but that isn't what I want.. she is fine with that.

Just explain to you Mum that you couldn't have done it without her last time but you are hoping this time will be more relaxed and calm and you want to keep it low key and chilled out so jsut want OH there.

Explain that Michael will need lots of fuss from Gran and Granddad so that is where she is needed!

xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[SunnySue]

I really feel for you, that is such a tough situation to be in. I know you dont want to hurt anyones feelings but I think if you and OH have decided that's what you want that is all that matters.
Others may be a little out out at first but these things soon pass and after the baby is here nobody will even remember it - except you and OH which is why it is important to go with your hearts. This is your day and you need to do what you want.
Please try not to worry about it, you have so much to look forward to you cant let things like this spoil what should be such a joyous occasion

 

[hellywelly]

I think it's a bit cheeky to presume this. I would just be honest. If you make it clear to her and she still chooses to show up then don't feel guilt tripped into letting her in!

 

[SarahCarps2be]

I'm personally just having OH at the birth..
But I'm in a bit of a predicament too... :S..

Well, me and m OH share a car.
We live abotu 20 mins away from the hospital, and OH works in Exeter where the hospital is...
So if I go into labour and he's at work, I aint gonna be able to get to the hospital...
SOOOO... I've agreed to stay at my mums when I go into early labour just incase it happens while OH is at work, so he can meet me at the hospital and mum can take me in... But then I feel obliged for her to be at the birth..

But the reason I only wanted OH at the birth is because i'm close to my mum and my MIL, and didn't want any arguments and stuff so I thought just me and OH, no arguments then!

.

So I'm in your boat too chicken!!

 

[BellaRiven]

We had the same issue and I was blue lighted in the end......

 

[BellaRiven]

Oh and my mum sat in the waiting room for six hours as I didn't want her in the room that was her choice as well. If you do not want her there do not let her make you feel guilty about it.

Xxx

 

[Sarah7]

That's an awkward situation to be in, I really feel for you! But hopefully if you explain it all to her she'll realise that she's needed with your son and that she'll still be the first or one of the first people there after the birth. Shes probably just feeling a little put out that she made such an assumption about it all. My OH will definitely be the only person with me, but I made my mum know she'll be the first person on my OHs call list (even though he wasn't happy about that!)
She'll definitely come around to it all, but don't stress about it too much
x

 

[Celene]

Oh I haven't even thought about this yet. I think I would have my husband and my Mum there. And then if it got all too much I would ask them to leave the room. But I think I will want them both there? Maybe my Mum wont want to be there lol.

I really hope your Mum respects your wishes hun xxx

 

[jody1981]

I'm personally just having OH at the birth..
But I'm in a bit of a predicament too... :S..

SOOOO... I've agreed to stay at my mums when I go into early labour just incase it happens while OH is at work, so he can meet me at the hospital and mum can take me in... But then I feel obliged for her to be at the birth..

But the reason I only wanted OH at the birth is because i'm close to my mum and my MIL, and didn't want any arguments and stuff so I thought just me and OH, no arguments then!

OH NO!!!! See if this were me I would feel obliged to let her stay as she took you in but im just a pushover

its hard isnt it trying to keep everyone happy and really a stress we could all do without!!

I have decided to tell after again after I see my midwife in a few weeks, say that we have been through my birth plan and this is what has been arranged and this is what were sticking to!

Thanks for all your replies ladies

 

[Loula]

how cheeky, id defo justhave exactly who you want. x

 

[babyem]

My mum is hoping to be there and yes admittedly we have been getting on so much better since Tri 1 I still only want it to be me and OH.. I just feel really guilty about upsetting her. x

 

[Frankie_Lou]

Im having my OH AND Mum. OH was a bit put out when I first said my mum would be there as well but when I pointed out that I will be the one in considerable pain pushing a baby out my foof and that if theres ever a time a girl needs her mum then that will be it he sort of backed down. I didnt actually ask my mum if she minded I just told her shes gonna be there and she said 'of course I am and I promise I wont be as annoying as your Gran was when I had you'. Theres no way Im doing it without my Mum there, if shes running late then my legs are staying firmly crossed!

 

[Lolly85x]

It's just going to be me and my boyfriend. We put it in there, so we're getting it out. My mum has made a few little comments, but iv made it perfectly clear from day one. But I know that if it comes to it and I want my mum she will be there in a heartbeat. She lives about 30mins from hospital and only works 10mins away from it.

 

[Gayle30]

I'm just having my mum in theatre and oh will be in the room waiting for us. Our choice, have been given so much stick about it but that's what we want.

Be firm and do what's right for you. Good luck xxx

 

[NavyLouise]

It's such a rare and special time in your life, so you really should stick to your guns and do what you want. If its what you want then it shouldn't matter to anyone else as long as you're happy.
I want it to be just my hubby and me with my dad in the waiting room if possible..I can't imagine anything worse than having my mum there but she lives up the other end of the country, so i dont have to worry lol

Do what makes you happy

 

[Leah04x]

I think my mum assumed I would be asking her to be at the birth, but after me + my OH spoke about it, we decided we just wanted it to be us..
It came up in conversation + I explained this to my mum.. I think she felt like she had her nose put out a little bit, but she seemed okay..
Didn't want to upset her, but it needs to be your choice xx

 

[kaz1983]

I just want hubby at the birth as it is a special time plus im sure there will be enough people in an out without other family there. I know it might sound a tad selfish but I am going to stipulate that as soon as minion has arrived and we have half sorted ourselves out that parents/siblings are allowed in no matter what time day or night. After they have met minion anyone else that wants can come in (Gayle30 will verify that if its during the working week im sure the girls from the office will be running along that corridor eh Gayle lol) xx

 

[RB1]

I have the opposite problem, I want my Mum at the birth, and my Dad to be with my OH - my Mum doesn't want to do it!

 

[Doob]

I lovey Mum but there is no way I'd want her at the birth, I think it'd stress me
out even more!! Dh was surprised when I said this but my mum totally understood and said 'I never for one second imagined I'd be there.' I think honesty is the best policy here you have to do what you feel most happy with xx