When will it be my turn?

[Pinkz]

I think people just find it hard to understand the pain it causes. Then they try to understand by listing everyone they know who's ever had a miscarriage. Yep. Doesn't help does it. Also good for them they had 1 miscarriage and got pregnant the next month. I've had 2 and it's now 3 cycles from my last... it's not a competition!

It's one of these things in life where nothing you say can really help anyone. Being in it together can help a bit. The best thing is just to be honest to yourself and your friends. If you don't want to go to a baby shower don't go. I've forced myself to smile and get on with it for months and it's ended up with me not being able to function... it's not worth it.

 

[rainbow.23]

My OH keeps telling me to make an excuse and not go, but I can't help but feel a bad friend if I don't go.
Do I just go and face my demons?

I have said no to 3 baby showers in the last couple of months, all are really close friends who were my bridesmaids, so I thought I would feel guilty but I really didn't want to go through a day of baby talk and stupid nappy based games.... so I didn't.

I know the one from yesterday will understand as she had been trying 5 years for her little one, but the other 2 were both first month ttc. I may well lose my closeness to them for a while, but I cant be a good friend to them when I feel such resentment towards them (jealousy is an ugly beast!)

You need to be kind to yourself, don't expect too much from yourself, but also don't expect too much from others. They will undoubtedly put their foot in it and say the wrong thing at the wrong time (e.g. in a restaurant), but people who have not walked in your shoes will never understand.

The decision has to be yours, but whether you go or not I think it is better to be honest with how you feel rather than making an excuse or pretending you are 100% happy when you're there.

Sending hugs x

 

[GingerRose]

My OH keeps telling me to make an excuse and not go, but I can't help but feel a bad friend if I don't go.
Do I just go and face my demons?

Hiya, I'm fairly new here but wanted to give my 2p on this one - we haven't been trying that long compared to some of you ladies so I feel a bit bad even saying we're struggling (I have amenorrhea and very slight PCOS though so not going to be easy for us unfortunately).

Anyway, to the lady going/not going to the baby shower - I through and through don't agree with baby showers and say don't worry about 'facing demons', if you don't wanna go, don't go! I think it's such a silly thing and is sort of rubbing it in peoples faces 'I'm having a baby blah blah'.
I really don't mean any offence to anyone that's had a baby shower but personally don't agree with them. & Although I usually say you should face your demons because you'll 90% of the time have more fun thank you think, in this case, I think it's fair enough not to.

Also thanks for the original post, after reading replies on this I now don't feel so alone in feel angry/sad/mad when I hear someone else is pregnant. It feels like a slap in the face sometimes.

 

[Pop_x]

Hi ladies. I have been to 2 baby showers this year both my closet friends, one of them my best friend. At first when I found out they was pregnant I was so upset and resentful and I couldn’t help how I felt as I’d been trying for 2 years already then they just fell without even trying. The first baby shower was July and i dreaded it and another 6 of her guests were pregnant with their 2nd child. Then my best friends baby shower was a couple of weeks ago and her Mum asked me to help out with the organising so I was involved and at first I thought I was gonna struggle but maybe because she’s my best friend I just dealt with it and was able to be happy for her finally.

My advice is you do what you feel is right and do what you can handle. If you feel it’s going to upset you to much then maybe best not to. But in my mind it wasn’t gonna go away they was still going to have a baby soon and I couldn’t hide away forever so I put a front on and dealt with it. I also didn’t want people to think i was jealous and start taking about me. I already fell out with another friend as she didn’t tell me she was pregnant in fear of upsetting me and just put it on Facebook. Xx

 

[MarshallsS88]

Thank you ladies for all your advice and support. It is a tricky one, because she has been my friend since we were 2, so I feel I owe it to her to be happy for her and go, but then on the other hand I just don't know how I'll feel about it all. I suppose I could go and then if it get too much leave, or would that make too much of a scene? I think my best bet is to talk to her twin sister who knows what I'm going through and try and explain it all to her and just hope that she understands. Fingers crossed! X

 

[MoominGirl]

Just wanted to add my 2p worth

I think for me it would depend on a lot of factors. It would definitely have to be someone I was close enough to so that I could justify the emotional effort. I think if it was someone that I knew I'd have to see after the baby was born then I'd try and face up to it on the basis that I'd need to deal with it at some point. Though I do find I can deal with the person who's pregnant as a rule, it's the gushing enthusiasm of everyone else that I find so much harder.

Maybe sounds a bit silly but I think the time of my cycle would affect my decision a bit as I'm definitely worse emotionally when the witch is here. Today I could probably get though a baby shower for the right person but ask me next week and you'd probably get a totally different answer!!

Good luck with whatever you decide to do but don't feel guilty about putting your own needs first. It's not worth draining yourself emotionally for it.

 

[MarshallsS88]

Thank you MoominGirl. I think I am going to message my friends twin and just be truthfully honest with how I’m feeling so that’s she’s aware, but I am going to go and face my demons. As you say I’m going to have to see her and the baby once it’s born anyways. But I am going to have a backup plan in place, so if it does get too tough I can leave, and then have my OH on speed dial to rant to him haha. Thanks everyone for your advice and opinions, it’s really good to know I can say what I want and no one will judge me, only wish I could say it to my friends and them not think I’m an awful friend and a cow lol.