What surname for baby if parents aren't together?

[Kirstieplus1]

Title says it all really.

Me and oh of 5.5yrs split up when he found out I was pregnant. Decided he didn't love me and cheated on me.

He hasn't been that supportive and I was pressured into having a termination by him and his mum... Needless to say I didn't go through with it.

I had my heart set on Alfie or Finley Jones (my common surname lol) however as the day gets closer he's started paying more of an interest and says traditionally he should be called his name Burgess. He also doesn't like Alfie or Finley. He wants to be at the birth and things between us arent too bad and although we aren't together officially we are not exactly over if you know what I mean.

I know that when the time comes we will have a massive row about this but I just can't help thinking... After all you have put me through why the hell should he have your surname when you didn't even want him in the first place.

Also from my point of view if he doesnt have my surname it will be harder to open bank accounts etc as I don't have the same surname as my baby.

I guess if we do end up together and he sorts his head out we could always change baby's name if we ended up getting married - unlikely!

What do you ladies think? Do you think it's best for baby to have my name so at least he will always feel part of my family or do you think I should go with tradition and risk the fact daddy might do the offskies (which I don't believe he would).

What sounds better Alfie/Finley Jones (me) or Burgess (him)?

Make a pregnancy ticker

 

[jojo_2012]

I had my son in 2002. Registered under his fathers name. The woman who registered him even suggested I put it in my name until we got married. But I was 18 and very naive.

He was all kinds of abusive to me and we broke up. I absolutely DETESTED the fact that my angelic son who I single handedly raised had that b'stards name when he was being made into the person he is by MY family's hard work and commitment.

I'm so LUCKY he was born before 2003, because that means officially only I have parental responsibility, and I have since changed his surname by deedpoll.

Me and new OH are not married yet, and no amount of guilt tripping will make me make the same mistake again. If I did there would be no going back cos dads on birth certificates automatically get parental responsibility now. My kids will all have the same name. If I get married, maybe we'll change it. But once bitten twice shy.

 

[jojo_2012]

By the way both surnames sound good, but it's just my personal opinion that if you're raising him you should get the privilege not FOB.

 

[Princess81]

I think that if I wasn't officially with the baby's dad I would use my own surname and change it to his if need be.

I'm not married to my o/h but we've been together 9 years so baby is having his surname x

 

[TaffyRose]

I'm also in the position of not being married and wondering what to do regarding the baby's surname. I have been with my OH for nearly 9 years and while ttc we did discuss this and I said I didn't want a different surname to my child. It wasn't a hint to get married as we've discussed whether we would and kind of decided maybe one day. We had thought about me just changing my name to his so we'd all have the same surname. However recently my OH has been very stressed and took things out on me and in a recent argument told me he was only with me for the baby. This broke my heart and although he now says he didn't mean it and is trying very hard to make things up to me he can't take that statement back. So I'm now thinking of insisting the baby has my surname. Not to punish him in anyway but should we break up I don't want my baby having a different name to me. I know my MIL will not be happy but I think it's hypercritical as my SIL (her daughter) is also pregnant and unmarried and I know she would love it if she chose to give her baby her name.

So long story short I think you should give the baby your name if that's what you feel most comfortable with and everyone can change their name later if needs be xxx

 

[Kirstieplus1]

Should he be on the birth certificate?

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

Honestly, if I was you I would use my surname or use both of our surnames.
I personally wouldn't have just his surname, not out of spite.

I've been with my OH for 2 years and I plan to give Grace his surname, although I can never imagine splitting up with him nor do I want that to happen, I know deep down that if it did happen, he would be a great father anyway.

I admit I'll probably feel a little left out because we're not married but that's another story xxx

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

Also.. I love both those names, how dare he say he doesn't like them! I know he's the father but heck, after the lack of interest he showed at first, he doesn't deserve to choose a name xxx

 

[Jayceesmumma]

I had my son in 2002. Registered under his fathers name. The woman who registered him even suggested I put it in my name until we got married. But I was 18 and very naive.

He was all kinds of abusive to me and we broke up. I absolutely DETESTED the fact that my angelic son who I single handedly raised had that b'stards name when he was being made into the person he is by MY family's hard work and commitment.

I'm so LUCKY he was born before 2003, because that means officially only I have parental responsibility, and I have since changed his surname by deedpoll.

Me and new OH are not married yet, and no amount of guilt tripping will make me make the same mistake again. If I did there would be no going back cos dads on birth certificates automatically get parental responsibility now. My kids will all have the same name. If I get married, maybe we'll change it. But once bitten twice shy.

Exactly the same as me!! Unfortunately my daughter was born 2004 and I'm struggling to get her name changed.. Going to court etc to get it changed. It's alot of stress and heartache I suggest baby is in your name then if things change in a year or so and u end up staying with OH you can change his name together! Don't make the same mistake I did!!!

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Should he be on the birth certificate?

Depends if u want him to have parental responsibility.. I wish my ex didn't I'm so restricted and he hasn't seen them in 4years.
If he's not I don't think u can get CSA involved if he doesn't pay..

 

[ForestLas80]

Keep your surname for sure especially with the issues you have been through with him. My sister had both children with her long-term partner and both have her surname. He has now proposed after 10yrs together on her 30th bday and the kids will change names with her when they marry so in my mind that's a good compromise. Dont be pressured into anything. Love both names btw, we are going for Finley if its a boy xxx

 

[Sarah13]

Stick with your surname. Baby will have your name in hospital regardless (my son did even though we're married and I just kept my maiden name) and you would both need to register baby's name together if you want his name whereas you can register baby without him if you chose your name. Baby can always change it's surname later on if things work out. What if he decides he dont want to be involved again once the baby is older? Stuff him, he wanted you to have a termination anyway, says it all really!

 

[nikkibaby4]

I agree ladies, I think use yours - you never know what the future holds! And then, if he marries you baby's name can be changed.

Hope that helps!

 

[nikki8092]

I would say with the history to go for your name, i wasnt married when i had paige or jake but gave them their dads name as we did plan on getting married which we are now. Like everyone says if you get back together and everything works out then you can get it changed when or if you get married xx

 

[Jaxx01]

I have a slightly similar situation going on although my FOB buggered off when I found out and I have only heard from him a handful of times, one of which was stating how unfair it is that baby is no getting his surname etc.

Fact is, Ive gone through the whole pregnancy alone, and will be raising the baby myself as I doubt he'll be in contact much...so baby is 100% having my surname and any forename I choose for him!!! End of discussion lol xx

 

[suzzi]

i put my kids in my ex name and after we split up i changed it by deed poll to my name so we all had same surname, if you didnt marry your ex you dont need his permission to change it

on my experience i would put baby in your name, as for first names i love finley and its what my lo is going to be called, but i would have a chat with him about first names if he is going to be in babys life, but this is your desicion, if he argues just remind him it was HIS desicin to up and leave and try to make you terminate the pregnancy!

good luck honey xx

 

[jojo_2012]

if you didnt marry your ex you dont need his permission to change it

Sorry Suzzi but this is wrong. If baby is born after a certain date in 2003 and dads name is on the birth certificate you can't change it without his say so.

 

[Jayceesmumma]

U can't change it without him I'm currently fighting thru courts to change their names x

 

[Jayceesmumma]

I couldn't do it in court without him (don't know where he is and he hasn't seen the kids in 4yrs) and they wouldn't change it without him present!! Even his mum came with me and said its best for them coz my eldest crus when u call her by his name. DON'T put baby in his name!

 

[Lisa_85]

id go with your own surname.

My BF would prefer Crumpet to have his surname but understands why i want him in mine.

Im only recently divorced and we havent been together very long and although we have a huge commitment together with Crumpet neither of us want to marry.

I knew i wouldnt negotiate about it so i point blank told him he will have my surname and IF we ever married we would all share the same name then. I think he understands though and since we dont live together i will have full time care of Crumpet and he will spend as much time as possible with him also.

and i love the name Finley!

xx