Birth certificate question

[kellyannlyle]

Hey ladies. I know that i haven't had my little one yet but this is something i have been thinking about for months. I want to give my little girl mine and her dad's surname in a doubled barrelled way... He made his feelings clear about the baby when i told him 8 months ago. Anyone know if i can give her his surname too without him being there to agree? Does he have to be there to have his name on it too? He is still the father. Thank You in advance x

 

[chezzabell]

i think if ur married he doesnt have to be there, but if ur not married then he has to be there, now i think thats it but dont quote me incase im wrong

 

[maybebaby]

I'm pretty sure you can use his surname without him being there, but if you're not married you can't name him on the certificate if he's not there. If he's not around I'd think very carefully about giving your daughter his surname, I find it hard sometimes having a different surname to my son even though I know I'll have it too one day when we get around to getting married (me & OH, not me & DS ).

 

[kellyannlyle]

No I'm not married... . I don't want to give her just his name... He is bailey, i am lyle and i wanted it to be bailey-lyle. Then she has some connection to him and his family. Don't want him to come around in a couple of years and want this then

 

[Sherlock]

If he is already married and there are no definate plans for you two to marry in the future why not have just your surname?

He can't be on the birth certifcate as being the father if you are not married and he is not there with you to fill out the forms etc.

You say about him coming round in a couple of years and wanting your child to have his name then. Does this mean he wants no part in your little girls life now? If so I can't understand wanting to give her his name.

I'd certainly not give my child the mans name if we had no future together and he was not going to be around in their life. I'd go with my own surname only so as child and I would share the same surname.

End of the day its doing what you feel happiest with.

 

[reallyoldmum]

Just a thought but couldnt you just use Bailey as a middle name - then if anything does change later she can decide whether to double-barrel it?

Jane

 

[lea m]

I'd certainly not give my child the mans name if we had no future together and he was not going to be around in their life. I'd go with my own surname only so as child and I would share the same surname.

I agree?? I wouldnt want my child taking the name of a man who doesnt want anything to do with her!? He doesnt derserve you child carrying his name!

As ROM said I would use Bailey as a middle name if you really want to use his name! Then if in the future he does want to be part of her life then change it to a double-barrelled surname!

 

[ninjawomble]

I'd certainly not give my child the mans name if we had no future together and he was not going to be around in their life. I'd go with my own surname only so as child and I would share the same surname.

I agree?? I wouldnt want my child taking the name of a man who doesnt want anything to do with her!? He doesnt derserve you child carrying his name!

Sorry I have to agree with them Kelly

 

[nori]

Im with the others on this one im afraid. The last thing id want is my baby having the fathers surname if there wasnt a future. Im using my OHs surname but we have been together for a while and im sure we will eventually get married. If we werent together though i wouldnt even consider it.

The middle name option is an idea though.

Claire x

 

[kellyannlyle]

Just a thought but couldnt you just use Bailey as a middle name - then if anything does change later she can decide whether to double-barrel it?

This is what my friend's say!

I think or should I say hope that when she isborn he wil be different... How can a person not want anything to do with thier baby. That is what confuses me. He already has a little boy and is a fantastic dad to to him.

Not sure if Bailey is a bit boyish... It would've probably been the 1st name ifI had a boy though haha... might be why I think it.

Thanks for all of you replies!!!!!

 

[CH0C0H0LIC]

I would think very carefully about what may happen in the future if you then decide to drop the Bailey from the double barrelled name by deed poll. It's a tricky area as I think now every father automatically has parental responsibilty unless they relinquish it voluntarily or have the court take it away. This would mean that you would have to get your ex's permission to change the surname and if he doesn't give you permission then you would have to stick with the name or go to court to request permission from the judge.

My OH's daughter had a double barrelled surname at birth but his ex (after splitting up and moving so my OH couldn't find her to serve court papers) quickly changed the name by deed poll BEFORE parental responsibility was granted by the court and we have only just found out. We are now having to go through the court to try and get the name put back to what it was. It's not a nice situation for anyone involved unfortunately and ultimately it's usually the kid that suffers when ex's are in dispute, even over the slightest issue!

I would go with using your surname and if in the future things develop/improve with the relationship between your ex and daughter then maybe it is an option that can then be discussed between the three of you.

Good Luck,
Sarah xxx

 

[sally12]

I would go with using your surname and if in the future things develop/improve with the relationship between your ex and daughter then maybe it is an option that can then be discussed between the three of you.

I think that this is great advice although I do understand that you want to include him because things could work out in the furture. My friend had a baby 8 years ago and was unmarried...she used his surname and she split up with her OH just 6 months after her son was born. Her son hardly ever sees his father but as he has his fathers surname, he is stuck with a constant reminder of his "Dad."

I think using the fathers surname as a middle name is a good idea and FWIW I think Bailey can be a lovely girl's name too

lots of luck with whatever you decide

 

[Sherlock]

Just a thought but couldnt you just use Bailey as a middle name - then if anything does change later she can decide whether to double-barrel it?

This is what my friend's say!

I think or should I say hope that when she isborn he wil be different... How can a person not want anything to do with thier baby. That is what confuses me. He already has a little boy and is a fantastic dad to to him.

Not sure if Bailey is a bit boyish... It would've probably been the 1st name ifI had a boy though haha... might be why I think it.

FWIW lots of people don't want any part in their childs life. Its a sad fact of life. If this man is already married with a child then I'd say there is less chance he may come round in time. Of course he might do the decent thing but it does not bode well right now, so don't hold out much hope.

I think using Bailey as a middle name is a good compromise. I don't think its boyish per se. Especially when used as a middle name.

If the father of your child has said he wants no part in her life then I'd not give him any room anywhere on the birth certificate or name quite frankly. OK, he may feel differently later on, but quite frankly you need to be thinking of what is best for your daughter from day one. Not in however many years time if and when this man decides he wants a say or to play a part. If he never has any contact think how you are going to have to explain to your daughter why you and she don't have the same surname and that part of it is her fathers, who she does not know. All those sorts of things and the legal problems should you wish to have his name removed in the future. Its easier to add a name than it is to take one off fwiw. I'd go with your surname and leave his off. Use it as a middle name if you like it that much.

 

[abcd1234]

I've been where you are now, and my daughter has met her dad once, and aparently she'll met him for the second time tomorrow. I totally understand why you feel the way you do about him not wanting her, i still cant understand how he cant love her cos she's my everything!!

I honestly wouldnt give her his name as a surname, i did consider giving my baby a connection to their father but as she's a girl it's much harder to do so. Are you friendly with his family at all?? Even though she doesnt see her dad she sees his family and his sister is her godmother. I wanted to give her a connection to them and for me that was the perfect way to.

If you ever wanna chat about it, cos trust me i know just how you feel, PM me.

 

[Julie84]

I had my mum's name at birth (and took my stapdad's name when they married when I was 4) and I'm so pleased my mum didn't give me my bioloical father's name. I've never met him but did email me when I was 20 and said he might want some occasional contact (I told him where he could stick it and that was the end of that).

I'm not married to Neil (and marriage isn't a big deal to us so not sure if we ever will to be honest) but the thought of our baby having a different surname to me is upsetting me so I think I might change my name by deed poll (I seem to be going through surnmaes a bit!) so we all have the same.

If I wasn't with Neil however, I wouldn't dream of giving the baby his surname in any way shape or form.

Oh, and Bailey is my little sister's middle name so I think it can be quite girly.

 

[charlotte_]

I'm not married to Neil (and marriage isn't a big deal to us so not sure if we ever will to be honest) but the thought of our baby having a different surname to me is upsetting me so I think I might change my name by deed poll (I seem to be going through surnmaes a bit!) so we all have the same.

i don't think i'll marry my OH, i know it sounds silly, but i view marriage as all a bit over the top. we love each other & have been together for a few years now, why change anything? the babys going to have my last name, it doesn't bother my partner, and i've told him if we ever were to marry we could always change the babies name.

 

[Julie84]

i don't think i'll marry my OH, i know it sounds silly, but i view marriage as all a bit over the top. we love each other & have been together for a few years now, why change anything?

Oh, I know exactly what you mean. Neither of us is religious and I can't think of a time when we'll ever have that kind of money spare - if we hapened to come into a bit of money I'd want to have a new kitchen, or go on a lovely family holiday etc.

As my surname isn't particularly special (I love my [step]dad but his name doesn't really mean anything to me) we agreed for baby to have Neil's name but it is bothering me more than I thought it would (and baby isn't even near making an appearance yet! )

 

[lea m]

I'm not married to Neil (and marriage isn't a big deal to us so not sure if we ever will to be honest) but the thought of our baby having a different surname to me is upsetting me so I think I might change my name by deed poll (I seem to be going through surnmaes a bit!) so we all have the same.

Thats what I have just done! Granted we were going to get married (only because I was sick of calling him my "partner" (and wanted a big party!! heehee)etc but gave up on the idea and changed my name through Deed Poll! And my title so Im now Mrs Mottershead anyways!
It never really bothered me much that the children didnt have the same name as me as I knew one day they would and also Im the last in the line with Monaghan! But I did want the children to take their dads name! TBH the kids were more excited about me being Mottershead than I was