What influenced/influences your parenting style

[beanie]

This is a question for everyone really. I lost both my parents way before I even thought about having children. I am the first of my group of friends to have had a baby and was never particularly maternal.

I am just wondering about my parenting style.I have absolutley no idea about howmy mum parented me as a baby, how long I was breastfed for (I didn't even know I had been breastfed until Seren was about 4 months old and a family friend told me), whether I was in my parents bed or in a cot, whether I was carried or pushed, cloth nappied or dispos - nothing like that (though I can remember my sister having a cloth nappy and the bucket smelt ). I would like to think that I am parenting like my mum did, and it has come instinctively (IYKWIM) but I have also read alot about different styles of parenting (as I had no-one elseto ask) and have gone with that I feel is best for my baby.

This is a rambling post and I am not sure if it makes sense but was hoping to get your thoughts.

 

[Minxy]

This forum has definitely influenced me in that it opened my eyes to some 'alternative' type parenting, even if I don't adopt them all.

I still have no idea about early childhood, but I hope I do half as good a job as my parents as Stanley gets bigger. I'd be really happy with that.

At one time, I'd never have believed I'd willingly use my mum as a parenting influence

 

[helsekia]

ooooo good question.Im not sure just one person or thing influenced the way i parent my kids.i think ive seen my elder brothers and sisters make mistakes im not keen to repeat,both my parents passed on long ago so i didnt really get advice from them.Ive studied as a teaching assistant and done some psychology classes (only a little course )Ive fosterd kids so sort of picked up different perspectives and ways of handling things and i think bits of that and a lot of common sense steer me in the right (i hope) direction.

 

[Squiglet]

Instinct and my religion I suppose are the main factors... I don't parent like my mum did really although I do take somethings out of her book... Like both my girls were off bottles by 6 months, both my girls were bf'd...But thats about it..

I see them as small people that need to be considered and are important... they are valued members of the family and their advise and thoughts should be listened too as well.. I respect them as the individuals that they are... You can't expect to be respected as a parent if you don't respect your children.

I also take on board a lot of how I felt as a kid... Like smacking and being shouted at made me feel worthless... I want to discourage this in my children so I don't do it..

But a majority of it is instinct.. I go on what feels right and if it doesn't feel right I just don't do it.. We weren't given mothering instincts for the fun of it.. They are there because we know our children, we spend all our time with them, so we know when something isn't right with them. Whenever I have known someone having a baby I always tell them that the first and most important lesson as a parent is trust yourself, and do what you think is best for your baby. We all make mistakes... any parent who thinks that they are perfect is truly fooling themselves, but thats life. My parents made mistakes but I'm not a bad person... I know that they did what was best for me though, and I will always appreciate that.

 

[fifi211]

When I had Jamie I didn't have a clue what to do, so I relied heavily on advice from my mam and my 2 sisters (who are older and already had children). I was grateful for their advice as I wasn't particularly confident in what I was doing but I did kind of adapt to my own way of parenting.

This time round I have done some things differently and some things the same. I agree that being a member of this forum has opened my eyes to some different ideas and has been an invaluable resource because I felt like I'd forgotten everything due to there being a 5 year age gap between Jamie and Charlie. Also being older this time round has made me a more confident parent and able to trust my instincts more, although I do still phone my mam for advice on some things cos she did a good job with us

 

[LisaJ1986]

I'm definately laid back like my mum, and guess i always will be. But none of us were breastfed. My younger sister did her son for a very short time as he was prem. MW made her give it a go. I've done this out of my own free will (begged by my OH) and i know it's best for her. My family can't quite get their head round it and want me to switch to bottles now. I think we were in reusable nappies but i use disposables. I wish i used reusables but couldn't really afford to start it, and wasn't totally aware of them til this site.
Here has been my biggest influence. Helped me through so much and your advice is fantastic. I sometimes feel i can't ask my family as they have problems of their own.

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

My parents are a big impact to my parenting of Braydon i feel that they have done a good job with me and i hope i do as good a Job with Braydon and any future children
also this forum has helped me loads with lil things iv had problems with more in the past wen he was tiny than now but even now if i need advice there is always someone here to give it to me

 

[lfc_sarah]

I didnt have a clue

The forum helps me a bit



The rest is just natural

 

[fifi211]

It's weird though cos even though I would say I have been strongly influenced by both my parents in the way I bring up my children, my parents are a lot more chilled out now as gradparents than they were as parents. My children get away with a lot more with them than we did when we were little

 

[Urchin]

Hmm I dunno.

The only thing I sometimes tell myself is that you are only a child once and I want my kids to have great times. Apart from that I just do what feels right

 

[muppetmummy]

I've never really thought too much about it. I just follow my instincts, though some might say I'm too soft.
I was 22 when I had James and hadn't really been around baby's at all so hadn't a clue what I was doing, I just did what felt right. I think the best thing I ever did was avoid the baby manuals.

 

[zebrastripes]

I don't really know what influenced my parenting style..just the way i am I suppose. A lot of what I think about parenting older children does come from my parents however, as they are both brilliant parents, who always emphasised the importance of things like books,music and outdoor play, and that has benefitted me hugely, ergo i'd like to pass it on to W.

However, baby-wise, my parenting style is nothing like my mother's, who formula fed, etcetc. I suppose the reason I went for a more "alternative" parenting style was due to a number of things: firstly because I've always been..dare I say it.. a bit of a hippy, which seems to go hand in hand with the whole natural parenting shebang. Also, I did make a conscious descision to educate myself on alternative modes of parenting... as a young mum I didn't want to be caught in the stereotype IYKWIM..... I sort of thought, right, you can pretty much do this the way people think you should, or you can go your own way. Which I did.

 

[Manda&Thomas]

i just goes with what feels right, i dont tend to take advice from my mother she has never had mothering skills with us lot yet she seems to see fit to tell me im not winding my son right she gets told to sod off,
me and hubby just go with the flow really
xx

 

[Sherlock]

I think 15 or so years of being a nanny sorted me out

I saw so many different approaches to parenthood and had to follow very varied ways of doing things and other peoples routines etc. However I was also able to introduce and use my own ways with many children and often had total sole charge and was left to it Mon-Fri and was told to be firm, ensure good manners etc and that was it. Some parents gave me free rein, others wanted more control.

I like to think I've taken a bit of everything I learnt over the years and combined it to make a varied package parenting wise. I also had a very strong mother who brought me up on her own. I had a very independant childhood but with lots of love. I hope to offer my son the same.

I know what I don't want to do, am very clear on that. Things like no junk or processed crap foods. Fizzy drinks etc are off the menu in the house. Won't ever take my child to McD's or KFC for ethical reasons they will grow up understanding. No shoes before he is walking. Not overusing the word 'no' and making sure I find alternative ways of saying it. No becomes a very negative word and once a child learns it it makes for fun To keep some level of independance and ensure I do get out for a night from when LO is small.

Things I do want to do and am doing. Breastfeeding, make my own baby food from scratch. Learn from experience and not be a fearful parent and stop my child from doing things like climbing trees or playing conkers Be sure that if I say 'If you carry on behaving this way you will be going to bed an hour early tonight' I actually see it through. I hope my child respects me enough to know that I mean what I say and don't say things like that lightly. Too often I see parents say they will take away the toy or not get thier child a treat only to go back on it within minutes. Do this a few times sure, but let it happen too often can only cause problems. Be good at recognising boundries.

Lots of other things but yeah, those.

I'm also a very green eco aware person who likes to shop/eat ethically where possible. I shall try to educate my son as best I can on ways to be green from the get go. I want a decent world for him to grow up in so he has to do his bit to start trying to save it before its too late.

 

[Rubys mummy]

I had such a happy childhood that aspire to bring Ruby up in a loving happy environment with lots of happy memories like I had...

I work full time so I can afford to give her the best I can-she is looked after by my mum, OH mum and nursery so she has a good balance and the time she isnt with them, she is with me and I am devoted to her and we have loads of fun!! She is turning into the most wonderful, clever and funny little girl-I am so proud of her and I hate leaving her every day but I know I am doing it to make our lives as good as I can...

I have got such a lot from this Forum-I dont know what I would of done without you lot-you gave me the confidence to try baby led weaning and this has made me such a relaxed first time mummy!! I also tried a baby book (which we arent allowed to mention ) which was so rigid, but I took parts from it and used them to suit-we had her in a bedtime routine from day one and never looked back

Much love to all you wonderful mummies out there-all unique and special xxxx

 

[Suzie and Faith]

I don't think I get my 'style' from my mum though I do ask for advice. I don't feel that any of it has come naturally either. This place and generally watching other people is how I've learnt.

I, like Sherlock will try and encourage my LO to be 'green' and I plan on trying some reusable nappies very soon (we've only just got our washing machine and tumble dryer). I also will want my LO to avoid 'bad' foods and I will try to make proper food from scratch BUT I'm sure that I will become more laid back and my LO will be allowed certain foods when they can choose.

My main idea is that I want my little girl to be just that, a little girl, for as long as possible. I want her to run around, go to the park, make a mess with paints, make mud-pies, bake cakes, play 'cars' and generally not grow up before her time. I'm not afraid of mess and I want her to have a lot of fun.

I also think manners are very important.

 

[Noor~ul~Usman]

To be honest - I can't say my mum did a bad job or anything but I'm doing mostly the opposite of what she did

She went back to work fairly early on - I'm staying at home full time and studying
She used terry nappies and slings - I'm using disposibles and travel systems
She knitted and sewed a lot of outfits - I'm buying most 2nd hand and a few new (can't knit or sow to save my life!)

I also have strong feelings about teaching your child from a very young age so that they should hopefully have an advantage once they start nursery/school and to keep up with the support. I see and hear so much about people not trying to acheive their childs ful potential and how they don't really bother education until they are about 4yrs old...however the college course I did and things I have seen have opened my eyes to the fact that if a child is naturally bright then by 1year old you can actually have taught them to do a lot of things I've seen lots of 2yr and 3yr olds who can do their english and arabic alphabet and some that can even disucuss matters of religion! (such as if a thing is compulsery or just preferred).

I know my mum enocouraged our creative side with arts and crafts and read bedtime stories but I don't think she really did much academically

** At the end of the day I will have to see how quickly our child devleopes as you can't force them but I'll certainly try my hardest to explain things fully to them from a young age and give them an academic head start

 

[Jen & Her Men]

I just tend to go with my instincts. Ive always been a "shoot from the hip" kinda gal and my instincts have never let me down before so combined with the fact that they are now "mothers instincts" which i think is very powerful, then Im confident its the right way for me and James.

I also do ask my mum for help if i feel Im not quite sure as she brought me up amazingly and I have great respect for her as a mum. Obviously as well I have this wonderful forum!! Helped me loads with stuff like weaning.

Im not into reading books on parenting etc. I find that a bit too theoretical and clinical. Im more of a touchy feely mummy and cant relate to adopting a book written to appeal to the masses.

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Well having such a crapp childhood and being chucked in care I vowed to give my kids a good one, sometimes i am a bit too harsh with them but i know its for their own good.

 

[happy-chick]

I just do what I feel right and follow my instinct.

I want the best for Ellie therefore that usually influences what I choose for her, my choices and decision are normally based on other peoples experiences and opinions (My mum, friends, on here) and then adapt them to suit Ellie & myself.