What does everyone think

[kaz1983]

Afternoon ladies hope you are all well.....its a delightful duck day up here in Scotland

Was speaking to my SIL two nights ago and she was saying that now she has a new job only working three days a week that this will mean she has four yes FOUR days to spend with me and minion when he/she arrives. I have to say I couldnt hide my reaction and said "what every day??" she said yeh so that I can get a sleep and she will look after minion. I said to her I will sleep when minion sleeps and tried not to directly say "no you wont be coming round every day " cos I didnt want to be nasty

I said to hubby this morning what she had said and he just looked at me and said he totally agreed with what I had said to her and that we both need to get into a routine separately and together with minion and we both feel that if his sister was there four days a week we wouldn't be able to get into this routine and I want into a routine as soon as is possible.

I am not saying I wouldnt be grateful for the odd day where she or someone else looked after minion but I draw the line at every day she is off.

Does this seem unreasonable to you ladies xx

 

[katey123]

No your not being unreasonable at all , I think she is !!!

 

[Hope81]

some people have too much free time lol...
I suppose it's a delicate matter. I wouldn't be able to tell her to not come but how much brain do you need to get it that you can't invade someone's life like that?????
Maybe your oh can talk to her?

 

[katey123]

keep asking her to go shopping for you maybe, keep her busy for a while , This is what I did with my mum last time she got the message quite quickily lol xx

 

[Sarah7]

You're really not being unreasonable. If not only for the fact it'll stop you getting into a routine, you and your OH will need time to bond with the baby and just spend time being a family together and all of you getting used to everything.
I'd politely have a word with her or get your OH to as it's his sister it won't matter quite so much if she does get bothered by it (even though she really shouldn't!) Hopefully she'll understand your need for space and that if you needed help from her you could ask.
Good luck!
xx

 

[kaz1983]

No your not being unresonable at all , I think she is !!!

keep asking her to go shopping for you maybe, keep her busy for a while , This is what I did with my mum last time she got the message quite quickily lol xx

Thanks Katey

I know she is very excited at becoming an auntie but with this being our first I said to hubby that we need to get adjusted to having a baby, find out what works routine wise, sleep wise for baby and us and that might take a while or it may come in no time but we need to have that chance to not experiemnt but to try various routines to see what works best for the three of us. I know she would do any errands for us and I will ask her to babysit but just hope she understands that we need a chance to bond with baby first before anyone else does if that makes sense xx

some people have too much free time lol...
I suppose it's a delicate matter. I wouldn't be able to tell her to not come but how much brain do you need to get it that you can't invade someone's life like that?????
Maybe your oh can talk to her?

Thanks Hope

Haha yeh you would think she would want time to herself too which she probably will to go shopping with friends and go away for the day with her mum as she does sometimes. Thats what i didnt want to do was come right out and say not to come round cos thats not what I meant at all. OH knows so will see how things go nearer the time etc xx

You're really not being unreasonable. If not only for the fact it'll stop you getting into a routine, you and your OH will need time to bond with the baby and just spend time being a family together and all of you getting used to everything.
I'd politely have a word with her or get your OH to as it's his sister it won't matter quite so much if she does get bothered by it (even though she really shouldn't!) Hopefully she'll understand your need for space and that if you needed help from her you could ask.
Good luck!
xx

Thanks Sarah

Once we are into a routine I dont mind at all as long as the routine doesnt get upset well sometimes I know this wont happen but thats not gonna be everyday it will be affected. Im not letting it et me stressed thinking about it as I know hubby and I feel exactly the same and are singing from the same hymn sheet about it. Dont wana wish my pregnancy away as at the moment I feel fantastic but at the same time I wish minion was here just want to put the last piece in the jigsaw (for the moment as god willing we will have more minions) xx

 

[CARNAT22]

I love my S-I-L's (both OH's sis and my brother's financee) but I'd find it a huge intrusion to have either of them round 4 times a week all day long especially with a newborn.

It is important that you - as the primary carer - establish a routine with baby and you must make this clear to your S-I-L.

Good luck!!

xxxxxxx

 

[Jayjay027]

No ur absolutely not being unreasonable at all!
As the others have said, I'd have a word or ask ur hubby to have a word with her.

I had something similar with a friend, she said she'd be around all the time and me having a baby is a good excuse for her to stop drinking, cuz she'll just spend Fri and Sat nights with me and baby.

I told her no lol, but I can understand u need to be a little more tactful with ur SIL lol x

Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk

 

[LoopyLouize]

Not at all! I totally agree!

I got quite teary with family members doing the same thing with us. I felt like I was struggling to bond with Harlow as they constantly was taking her of me day and night believe it or not! We moved in with OH's parents when she was born until she was 3 weeks old as we were moving houses. I constantly had his family round until 11pm in the night! I was exhausted! Then when I did get to sleep Harlow would wake at all hours and scream, then OH's dad would come in and take her of me and go downstairs with her... He used to tell me to sleep as he didn't mind! At first i was grateful but after 3 weeks I felt overwhelmed and just wanted to learn my daughters routine and cries and basically wanted her to myself! I burst into tears to OH one night because of visitors turning up at all times and staying till 11pm and he went downstairs and asked them to stop. Told them we needed me, him and baby time alone and if they wanted to visit that they call first and in no way do they come after 7pm as we get her in bed for 8.

Fortunately we moved out that weekend and didn't tell anybody our new address for a week so we could establish a routine and bond!

X

 

[kaz1983]

I love my S-I-L's (both OH's sis and my brother's financee) but I'd find it a huge intrusion to have either of them round 4 times a week all day long especially with a newborn.

It is important that you - as the primary carer - establish a routine with baby and you must make this clear to your S-I-L.

Good luck!!

xxxxxxx

Thanks Carnat

Im the same get on great with the in-laws and i do want them to be a huge part of minions life but not so much that hubby and feel suffocated and perhaps struggle to settle into family life and just to be able to have time to ourselves even just to look at minion while he/she sleeps if thats what we want to do xxxxxxx

No ur absolutely not being unreasonable at all!
As the others have said, I'd have a word or ask ur hubby to have a word with her.

I had something similar with a friend, she said she'd be around all the time and me having a baby is a good excuse for her to stop drinking, cuz she'll just spend Fri and Sat nights with me and baby.

I told her no lol, but I can understand u need to be a little more tactful with ur SIL lol x

Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk

I have got better at putting my foot down without appearing narky or like I have an attitude and I will adopt this practice should the need arise. I dont want them to feel pushed out but at the same time hubby and i are just so excited at becoming parents we wana enjoy us time with minion at home or out for walks when the weather is not severely bad.

Hope you manage to get some peace aswell when the time comes xx

Not at all! I totally agree!

I got quite teary with family members doing the same thing with us. I felt like I was struggling to bond with Harlow as they constantly was taking her of me day and night believe it or not! We moved in with OH's parents when she was born until she was 3 weeks old as we were moving houses. I constantly had his family round until 11pm in the night! I was exhausted! Then when I did get to sleep Harlow would wake at all hours and scream, then OH's dad would come in and take her of me and go downstairs with her... He used to tell me to sleep as he didn't mind! At first i was grateful but after 3 weeks I felt overwhelmed and just wanted to learn my daughters routine and cries and basically wanted her to myself! I burst into tears to OH one night because of visitors turning up at all times and staying till 11pm and he went downstairs and asked them to stop. Told them we needed me, him and baby time alone and if they wanted to visit that they call first and in no way do they come after 7pm as we get her in bed for 8.

Fortunately we moved out that weekend and didn't tell anybody our new address for a week so we could establish a routine and bond!

X

Oh god yeh i think I would have been the exact same as you in your situation - yes its nice to have someone to offer to take baby while you rest but not to just take Harlow off you without thinking how it would be making you feel. Good for your hubby for putting a stop to it so that you could get yourselves into a fmaily routine

Unfortunately we live on the high street so unless we sat in pitch black it is easy to see if we are in lol - god I sound such a cow saying that dont I?xx

 

[Karate Kid]

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all hun, you need time for you and hubby to bond with LO and establish your own routine without anyone adding in there two pence worth.

Both my mum and my MIL have said they will come and stay with us during the first month or so.... Hubby and I come from a Sri Lankan background and back home most people move in with there parents to get help. Both myself and hubby do not want this in the slightest and feel that as it is our child we should do the work with minimal help from family.... It doesn't help that my SIL has always had help with both of her children, her youngest is 3 months old and she has only just started giving my neice a bath, before that my MIL went round every night. Not saying this is wrong but I just want to be able to try things on my own. xx

 

[kaz1983]

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all hun, you need time for you and hubby to bond with LO and establish your own routine without anyone adding in there two pence worth.

Both my mum and my MIL have said they will come and stay with us during the first month or so.... Hubby and I come from a Sri Lankan background and back home most people move in with there parents to get help. Both myself and hubby do not want this in the slightest and feel that as it is our child we should do the work with minimal help from family.... It doesn't help that my SIL has always had help with both of her children, her youngest is 3 months old and she has only just started giving my neice a bath, before that my MIL went round every night. Not saying this is wrong but I just want to be able to try things on my own. xx

Have you said to your mum and MIL that this is what you want just wondered their reaction?

No it doesnyt mean it is wrong for your SIL not to have bathed her child I just cant wait to dress minion and feed them and bath and interact with them Im a big kid myself as is hubby so think we will fit in wth minion just grand lol xx

 

[TaffyRose]

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all hun, I would be horrified at the thought of anyone spending that amount of time with me when I'm trying to get to know my baby. I guessed we might be inundated with well meaning family so have raised the subject very early on with my OH as I can tell my lot no but it's harder with his family. We have agreed that at the beginning anyone wanting to visit has to contact OH first, if we're napping or it's not a good time the answers no. I completely understand everyone will be excited and I'll want to show the baby off but it needs to be on our terms. I agree with the other girls I'd get your OH to have a word as it's his sister and explain you really want her to be involved with her niece/nephew but just not everyday. Families ay xxx

 

[Karate Kid]

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all hun, you need time for you and hubby to bond with LO and establish your own routine without anyone adding in there two pence worth.

Both my mum and my MIL have said they will come and stay with us during the first month or so.... Hubby and I come from a Sri Lankan background and back home most people move in with there parents to get help. Both myself and hubby do not want this in the slightest and feel that as it is our child we should do the work with minimal help from family.... It doesn't help that my SIL has always had help with both of her children, her youngest is 3 months old and she has only just started giving my neice a bath, before that my MIL went round every night. Not saying this is wrong but I just want to be able to try things on my own. xx

Have you said to your mum and MIL that this is what you want just wondered their reaction?

No it doesnyt mean it is wrong for your SIL not to have bathed her child I just cant wait to dress minion and feed them and bath and interact with them Im a big kid myself as is hubby so think we will fit in wth minion just grand lol xx

I have just left it at 'we will see how it goes'.... I don't want to create bad feelings.

Hubby and I are exactly the same we are always joking around so hopefully between us we will work a nice little routine out and get through it together xx

 

[Karate Kid]

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all hun, I would be horrified at the thought of anyone spending that amount of time with me when I'm trying to get to know my baby. I guessed we might be inundated with well meaning family so have raised the subject very early on with my OH as I can tell my lot no but it's harder with his family. We have agreed that at the beginning anyone wanting to visit has to contact OH first, if we're napping or it's not a good time the answers no. I completely understand everyone will be excited and I'll want to show the baby off but it needs to be on our terms. I agree with the other girls I'd get your OH to have a word as it's his sister and explain you really want her to be involved with her niece/nephew but just not everyday. Families ay xxx

I can sympathise hun!! My SIL had the whole family round her mum's to deal with straight after giving birth.... no notice what so ever, she was shattered poor thing and pretty swolen.... her (annoying) uncles kept saying 'is there another one in there' I was ready to ounch someone and the comments were not even directed at me!! xx

 

[CARNAT22]

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all hun, I would be horrified at the thought of anyone spending that amount of time with me when I'm trying to get to know my baby. I guessed we might be inundated with well meaning family so have raised the subject very early on with my OH as I can tell my lot no but it's harder with his family. We have agreed that at the beginning anyone wanting to visit has to contact OH first, if we're napping or it's not a good time the answers no. I completely understand everyone will be excited and I'll want to show the baby off but it needs to be on our terms. I agree with the other girls I'd get your OH to have a word as it's his sister and explain you really want her to be involved with her niece/nephew but just not everyday. Families ay xxx

We're going to have a nightmare with families!!

Our immediate families are quite big (I am one of four kids, OH is one of six ) plus we have our parents - both sets of parents live within spitting distance!

I am hoping that everyone gets to quickly meet bub and then leaves us alone for a few days to settle down....

It's a long way away but it does worry me already about how we'll keep our big boisterous family at arms length!

xxxxxxxxx

 

[TaffyRose]

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all hun, I would be horrified at the thought of anyone spending that amount of time with me when I'm trying to get to know my baby. I guessed we might be inundated with well meaning family so have raised the subject very early on with my OH as I can tell my lot no but it's harder with his family. We have agreed that at the beginning anyone wanting to visit has to contact OH first, if we're napping or it's not a good time the answers no. I completely understand everyone will be excited and I'll want to show the baby off but it needs to be on our terms. I agree with the other girls I'd get your OH to have a word as it's his sister and explain you really want her to be involved with her niece/nephew but just not everyday. Families ay xxx

We're going to have a nightmare with families!!

Our immediate families are quite big (I am one of four kids, OH is one of six ) plus we have our parents - both sets of parents live within spitting distance!

I am hoping that everyone gets to quickly meet bub and then leaves us alone for a few days to settle down....

It's a long way away but it does worry me already about how we'll keep our big boisterous family at arms length!

xxxxxxxxx

Wow that is a big family hun. You'll have to get them to see you in shifts! It will be a very fine balance letting everyone see the new addition and not letting them out stay their welcome. We have 2 dogs and my MIL keeps saying as soon as you go into labour phone me and I'll pick up the dogs. On the one hand this is very sweet, but I also know it means she is the first to know anything has happened and has the excuse to turn up when we get home to bring the dogs home. As it is I have arranged for someone to come to the house and sit with them as they'll know something's up and be much calmer staying at home. It really is a political battle sometimes xxx

 

[roxane 1985]

I don't think you are being unreasonable and unlike what done people have said she isn't being unreasonable either she us just trying to help you out the best she can she just hasn't gone about in the best way lol I'd take her ip in the offer to come round once a week so you can either sleep, have a bath, clean etc whatever . But every day would be too much x

 

[EssJayPea]

Are you sure your SIL isn't my MIL? Lol. I've had the same gesture from her too except, as she's retired, it's every single day! Had to say to oh and he said to her we'd like a heads up if she wants to visit instead of just turning up (she has a key...).

Anywho, think you're well within your rights to say nicely that, while that's a great offer, you're going to play things by ear. If you do feel exhausted and need a hand, she'll be the first to know xxx

 

[kaz1983]

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all hun, I would be horrified at the thought of anyone spending that amount of time with me when I'm trying to get to know my baby. I guessed we might be inundated with well meaning family so have raised the subject very early on with my OH as I can tell my lot no but it's harder with his family. We have agreed that at the beginning anyone wanting to visit has to contact OH first, if we're napping or it's not a good time the answers no. I completely understand everyone will be excited and I'll want to show the baby off but it needs to be on our terms. I agree with the other girls I'd get your OH to have a word as it's his sister and explain you really want her to be involved with her niece/nephew but just not everyday. Families ay xxx

Thats exactly it we want family and friends o meet minion as soon as possible but not be bombarded with visiors every day and when folk do come round for them not to be here all day xx