Visitors

[BabyBrain]

We are going through the "new baby novelty" phase at the moment, which is fine as long as we accept that we will hardly ever see any of these people again after the novelty has worn off lol, our house is like Picadilly Circus and my phone has not stopped with people ringing up booking time slots. I made it clear to everyone that I don't want them all round at the same times so they need to ring first. Maybe that was a mistake cos it could be over by now lol

But I am really struggling sometimes. Watching my boy being passed around the room, graphic conversations with aunts and cousins that I would normally avoid like the plague and then tidying up the rubble after they've gone is starting to get on my nerves lol. But then I feel bad because it's nice that they are at least showing an interest.

I'm not selfish with my son, I am happy for my mum, best friend, sister and sister in law to cuddle him and help me as much as they want to. Maybe it's a primal thing, that I trust the women I am closest to but other females are a threat......I dunno, all I know is I never realised we had so many coffee cups nor how my cousin's hairdresser's niece's 5th cousin twice removed went through the same thing as me and it all went horribly wrong

Rant over, we have a whole afternoon and evening with just the 3 of us today and I can't wait xxxxxxxxx

 

[Bot]

I know what you mean. With some ppl its fine, but then sometimes I get all stressed, especially with hot drinks! I have to make a point and say, " here, let me take him back so you can have your tea" surprising how many ppl think its ok to hold a hot drink over a baby! I also get stressed if they might smell of fags, have too much perfume on, dirty hands or clothes, Sharp zips or similar; or even thick makeup which they get on him! Less stressed now than when he was brand new though. Recently hubby's good mate's mum asked him for a hold, but she had just come in from a fag: when I got hm back I could smell it on him so when I got home I stripped him and bathed him straight away!

 

[Bot]

Clearly I mean baby not hubby!

 

[BabyBrain]

Lol!

I think the younger generation are more considerate about that tbh. My best friend still smokes and brings a change of clothes with her to hold Bertie in lol. I don't like the idea people have that a quick squirt of perfume stops the smoke fumes like my MIL does, they still cling to her beard lmao

 

[littlemuffin]

Macy will be 4 weeks on Monday and we are still having people over.

Today we are with my family which I love like you as I'm fine with them and her my sisters best friend is coming round to see her. Tomorrow we have one family of his parents coming in the morning and a second family coming in the afternoon both friends of DH parents, who I've met once for 5 minutes.

It's never ending.

 

[Lilelephant]

We band ppl apart from my mum and dad for the first week cos I was so poorly and I am glad we did that.

 

[tinks77]

We told people we'd come to them, luckily a lot of family live very far away so haven't seen them for years anyway!

It's amazing how many people become your 'closest friends' when you have s baby. I really struggled as I only truly have a couple lol

We have each set of parents round every week but my sister has never & will never see her & OH's sister & girlfriend have seen her about 5/6 times. I get way more stressed with SIL & gf as I don't like them saying to each other 'do you want a go?' while holding grace out like a football I find referring to themselves as favourite auntie a bit much when she barely knows who they are

 

[Mrs. KM]

Don't feel bad about saying no people. This certainly isn't the time for you to be making tea and cleaning up after them, and you shouldn't have to share Albert! The thing that drives me nuts about visitors is tha they alway 'know' what K wants if she cries.... 'oh she's not hungry!' when she's clearly rooting all over the place. I tried not to ever feel bad about taking her back from people lol.

 

[TORino]

Visitors are getting on my wabs tbh.

On Friday after the awful night we had Thursday SIL brought out nephew round. Tilly was settled in the basket asleep and he kept stroking her and knocking the basket. I was ready to throw them all out!! And I won't have them picking her up if she's sleeping either.

I've said no to loads of people coming round lol

 

[Kayelle]

I'm so glad you ladies are saying these things, as I have always known, and am hoping to stick firm that there are certain people that won't be holding my baby. I don't want him just passed around from person to person!! There are ppl that have been through all of this with me, my mil has been amazing, I will be comfortable with her , fil, and a few other close ppl holding him, but atm I have so many ppl trying to talk about seeing the baby or wanting to buy things when they have either ignored / been nasty to me throughout or haven't spoken to me in years! I don't want these people around at all, and hopefully will stand strong!! And no smokers full stop. Even if they change clothes or watever its on their breath for some rediculous amount of time, like a few hours!!

 

[pinkyprincess]

I have encouraged Tyler to be passed around family members to some extent, which is great as OH and I have such big families (we're off to my aunts on monday and there will be 7 adults and 4 children not including us to contend with) he copes with the holding that does always happen. The one this I don't like, like Tinks is the 'do you want a go' we also went to OHs nan's on Friday and his aunt from Canada is over and obviously she was having lots of cuddles because it was the first time she'd met him and wont again for maybe 6 months. His nan had a cuddle I watched him sit on her lap and giggle away but apparently as we were leaving she complained to OH that she didn't get a cuddle!!! I was so pissed off as she's lucky, my nan lives over an hour away! And it was a lie!

It does get better! People stop coming over lol. I used to make sure I had 2 or 3 days without visitors so I could have time with my baby. Did us the world of good!

 

[l_maclean]

I think I'm in the minority on the forum but I've let Georgia have a cuddle with pretty much anyone.

She's really laid back, so it doesn't bother her. But I also think its good for them to get used to different people.

I'm really aware of the fact that because my aunt and grab are both terminal, im probably gonna have to leave her for a funeral while she's still little, and while it'll be someone I trust,it's not likely to be someone she's spent a lot of time with.

Xxx

 

[Samsgirl]

I also have no issue with people holding Hannah. Mind you she had so many different people hold her and look after her in hospital I am used to it. X

 

[LoopyLouize]

I don't mind people holding her either. I do however have a problem with people who have recently smoked, got a hot drink, have symptoms of a virus (colds, flu, chesty coughs etc), oh and I am on edge when other peoples toddlers want a hold and they sit down and hold them. My friends 3 year old held her whilst sat down the other week and by god my heart was in my mouth! I know she was safe and everybody was watching the toddler and no harm would have come to Harlow but I just couldn't help it!

I have however said no to somebody holding her, it was OH's mum, she had just been round to her own mum who needs round the clock care, last week she had a massive case of the runs and OH's mum had to clean her up. She came home and wanted to cuddle Harlow. She had off course cleaned her hands but still I just said to her, I don't mean to be nasty but I don't want her picking any germs up from your mum who is clearly ill. She understood and didn't take it the wrong way thank god! x

 

[BevG]

im good at sharing baby lol, its OH who refuses to give her over. that being said other ppl seem to find it cute or funny when she cries but it breaks my heart and its all i can do not to snatch her back and run away so i can soothe her

 

[pixie17]

im glad its not just me! i HATE when he comes back to me smelling of other people's perfume! also hate him being passed from pillar to post.

i also really struggle with my in laws holding him and passing him around. i dont know why. perhaps cause i dont feel confident to say 'i want him back now' as i do to friends and my own family.

i also hate it when people (especially MIL) state how they 'know' what my son wants/needs eg, 'he is hungry', or 'he needs changing'. and hate them trying new things on him that i dont do eg. winding him a different way.

Am I going OTT?

 

[l_maclean]

I think sometimes people say things like oh are you hungry, cos the alternative is that the crying baby just doesn't like them.

As for things like winding different ways I guess depends in what way you're confident/comfortable holding a baby. Sit G upright on my lap to comfort wind her, but DH always puts her over his shoulder. Xxx

 

[willowwisp]

People love babies, and if bubba comes with a good horror story they can recount to everyone they know then all the better.

One thing I remember from a relative having her baby some years ago was her mw told her that her and her husband should bond with the baby before having anyone other than immediate family over, it's an important time for bubba to settle into a routine and for parents to develop that connection.

Just say no to anyone you don't want, be firm x

 

[redbear]

We went to people which i found best because they where host to us, and we could leave whenever we wanted. However i will say now she is past the 'novelty' stage i do get a little annoyed when everyone is cooing over a smaller baby and she is pushed to the side :S x

 

[hugsy]

Oh hun your so not alone, i was the exact same, i had 8 of OH relatives walk casualy walk into my hospital room less than 12 hours after giving birth, 5 minutes earlier i was still naked covered in blood

my only advise is to put people off when u can and if they do come make them make there own tea and coffee and ask some of them if they could wash the dishes before they leave,

but remember u have just made a person and got them from ur belly to the outside world so your so within ur rights to tell them all to feck off n leave u alone,

Another trick if u dont want him passed around is to pt him in mosses before they get there and say oh leave him sleep u can hold him anothertime when he awake
oh and i left my curtains closed first few weeks to avoide uninvited callers lol