Visiting at hosp the day the baby is born......

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

is a bit of a bone of contention!

Dh and Dd will be with my for the delivery and tbh they are the only ones I want there for at least the first 24/48hours after lo arrives!

We kinda decided depending on how long I was in hopsital we would tell family and friends we werent having visitors at the hospital but when we come home, and have had a couple of days to settle in etc we would have a family and friends day where we literally have an open house for one day as I really dont want a trail of visitors coming and going when they feel like it!!

We know his side are going to want to be 'there' and be in the limelight so to speak even though Ive only seem them 3 times throughout this pregnancy.....and also my half siblings who I wouldnt want withing 10 miles of the hospital so arnt letting them come either....we just want some time on our own....

Were going to have to tell them either before and it will prob cause a rift, or DH said he will juet tell everyone Im too tired and we will let everyone know when they can visit!

I just remember when DD was born everyone just turned up when they felt like it and some mornings I wasnt even out of my pjs when folk were knocking to come see her and I cant stand the thought of all that again! Grrrrrrrrr

So are we being selfish by having no visitiors for at least the first day or two in hosp and deciding on an open house for visitors.....???

What are your plans??xxx

 

[shootingstar22]

Not at all, this is what we are doing.

A friend of mine sent an email out before baby was born saying that, "you may think this a be militant but this is what's going to happen". He basically said that there will be no visitors at hospital and no visitors for the first few days so they could relax, get to know baby and establish a routine. He also said that if people do want to visit then they must contact him an not his wife. I think he even set up a timetable of why times people could visit (think he "booked them in" and he told them that visits had to be short I.e 30 mins long.

Worked out quite well for them in the end.

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

Ah wow really....thats a great idea.... Hmmm will def be looking at something like that!

I know when my sil and BF had their babies at christmas I had no intention of visiting in hops and then waitied 2 weeks to see them both as I know how you get bombarded with fair weather friends and family who just come for a neb so I def dont want all that this time!

Fab SS thanks for that Im def going to let everyone know in advance....xxx

 

[NatEvz]

No your not being selfish at all Wilma. Ive only hand a handful of people who have actually been in touch regularly throughout my pregnancy and tbh ive only wanted to be near my family for the last couple of months anyway, so i dont want to see everyone else (totally anti social i know). I told hubby that i dont want everyone turning up at the hospital or at home. For the hospital ive said i just want immediate family there. I dont know how hubbys family will deal with this as they like to be involved in everything (even though we see them like once a year)
As this is our first baby too, im really nervous and excited about having him home and settling into life as a family, and i think its really important that we have a few days to ourselves. Weve also got the dogs too, who will have to adjust to having little man around, and i dont think its fair on them either to have the house full of random visitors and them having to spend hours at a time in their crates xxx

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

Totally agree Nat......I just dont think other quite understand do they!

Im ususlaly a really sociable person and love having family and friends over etc but I dont know if its just coz Im not in the best of health atm, a bot older this time and wont be pushed around or just coz its waht we want but its def going to happen!

Its not like were just excluding his or my side its everyone.....they twist on 21 tho and I know they will kick off at only DD being allowed there with David but tough....xxx

 

[mumofmany]

our hospital at the moment is closed to visitors cause of swine flu and that bug with sickness and diareah, also birthing partners has gone down to 1 per person, they said theyknow its awful but it seems to be working well. so check with your hospital policy at the moment and then visiting will not be an issue you can just say no visitors at hospital because of that and you will let them know when you are home so they can come visit. then they wont take it against you. i am a strange one and love having my visitors and cant wait till everyone comes and i can show off my baby. but my family and friends come round and make me tea and bring cakes and sweets etc so it doesn;t matter what i look like or how i feel. but its just my preference i have all the visitors around the 1st 2 days then we have the rest of the time to ourselves, but they never stay long anyway and its that first night at home i love just me hubby and the baby. so i would hate that being taken over so i understand what you mean. i would definately say do what you feel best and if its all stopped from coming then nobody can complain, when my SIL had her baby only the parents were allowed to visit her, then she had her friends whenever me and my sister rang to visit we were told no someone else is coming she was only having 1 a day a month later i got a phone call saying i could go and visit now, well we never bothered. so just be careful you dont push pepole away too much.

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

Thanks MOM....... Yeah I dont want to intentially upset folk I just get annoyed when they dont bother with us all year round even tho we always make the effort to go and see them, but they expect to be top of the priority list when lo is here......

But yes that may be an option near the time depepnding on what bugs are around lol thanks!! lol xxx

 

[laurenhayward]

I think I'll let my mum and dad visit in hospital and OH's nan but then I'll say I don't want anyone the day we come home, the next day immediate family only then try and stretch others out after that. Luckily most of my family are understanding.

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

Good idea Lauren.....sadly we dont have any parents or they would have def been allowed.... But yes I also think family then friends within a couple of days is good too.....think we might have to play it by ear lol....tbh we would prefer our very close friends to be there before most family members as they have been there and been great throughout the last few months while both our families (apart from one of my SIL who is fab) the rest havent even bothered and one sil hasnt even said congrats yet! Our inlaws like to put on a 'we're such a close family' front when in reality they cant even be bothered to ask how were doing!

xx

 

[mumofmany]

i totally understand about people not bothering with you then expecting to be top of the list to visit just cause they ae family, i think the main reason i felt pushed out is because my brother has an older daughter who is 9 now she was 8 at the time and i had her stay all the time because my brothers new wife was tired etc and even though i was too was pregnant at the time i was used to having other children whilst pregnant, my mum said i was soft but i thought it would be nice for her to enjoy her first pregnancy, my brother has his daughter 5 days out of 7. so i have always had her alot and we are very close, i was very close to my brother aswell so obviously felt very pushed out. just thought i best explain as i seemed like i was sounding a bit childish not liking what she did not letting us visit so didn't bother.

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

ah thats a shame and can totally understand you feeling pushed out...not nice and honestly no need to explain I didnt think you were being off lol but thanks tho....

Think we will def play it by ear with our closest friends and so called family can get in line lol xxx

 

[laurenhayward]

We find this problem with family, we bought our flat 3 years ago and since then my grandparents have visited twice and my aunties/cousins etc have NEVER been round (we are quite a close family) I go to see them all the time and if I haven't managed to get round for a month or so I get texts saying "haven't seen you in a while are you ok?" I just think to myself well you know where I am....!

I don't have many really close friends, most of my friends are at a completely different stage in their lives, I'm the first to be married and have a baby - in fact the 1st to have some sort of serious relationship at all! I'm actually looking forward to having the baby and meeting more people who I have more in common with!

 

[lealea85]

I'm not having any visitors if I'm staying in, just mum/aunt (my birthing partners), hubby n half sister. I don't wanna be bothered for 2weeks. I don't know what ima be like so I want my me-time n relaxing time.

 

[PinkPunch]

I'm not having any visitors if I'm staying in, just mum/aunt (my birthing partners), hubby n half sister. I don't wanna be bothered for 2weeks. I don't know what ima be like so I want my me-time n relaxing time.

I'm interested in this "relaxing time" you've planned with a newborn hehe

 

[NatEvz]

We find this problem with family, we bought our flat 3 years ago and since then my grandparents have visited twice and my aunties/cousins etc have NEVER been round (we are quite a close family) I go to see them all the time and if I haven't managed to get round for a month or so I get texts saying "haven't seen you in a while are you ok?" I just think to myself well you know where I am....!

I don't have many really close friends, most of my friends are at a completely different stage in their lives, I'm the first to be married and have a baby - in fact the 1st to have some sort of serious relationship at all! I'm actually looking forward to having the baby and meeting more people who I have more in common with!

We have this a lot too hun!Weve been in our house almost 3 years now and hubbys family have been once or twice at the most, with the exception of his mum, dad and sister who i love to pieces. They came when we moved in and when luke had his accident, but most of the time they play the guilt card with us, saying oh you never come to see us anymore, we havent seen you in such a long time etc, bearing in mind lukes still not great on his feet and like you, i think to myself, you have a phone, give us a ring and pop up for a cuppa.

Same with close friends, we dont have any other friends in our circle that are at the same stage in their relationships that we are. Were the first to get married and the first to start a family. My girl friend fell out with me because she couldnt understand why i didnt want to go night clubbing at 32 weeks pregnant......Not the sort of people i want to be around my baby as soon as ive had him

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

Glad Im not the only one with this dilema!!! Well were seeing some of the family members tonight and so Im going to test the water and maybe drop it into the conversation about the no visiting while at hospital! Listen for the arguments kicking off lol!! xxx

 

[NatEvz]

Let us know how you get on Wilma xxx

 

[stumpyjoe]

Families are such hard work. For us it's my mam - his parents are sound and have said they will wait until we ring before they come over. However, I tried to tactfully say to my mam that I'll probably only be in hospital 6-12 hours so there's no point in people coming to the hospital and she just said oh but I may not be able to wait! So I'm off over there now to have a more direct conversation and say that waiting 12 hours is not a long time and that she will wait until I get home and that if she turns up at the hospital univited the midwife will not let her in. I tried to be tactful. I think she forgets what it's like. She was only 20 when she had me but I'm 29 and I don't feel like I need nor want my mam there fussing around me when I've just given birth.
I hope she's not offended but it's gonna have to be tough if she is!

 

[WILMAFLINSTONE]

Will do Nat....eeeeek! xxx

Yes Sjoe its hard when you try to be tactful and they dont pay attention so the sledge hammer approach it is lol!! Good luck!

But I know what you mean tho I was 22 when I had DD and went along with everything...now at 39 Im putting my foot down and were doing it our way this time!!!

xxx

 

[lealea85]

I'm not having any visitors if I'm staying in, just mum/aunt (my birthing partners), hubby n half sister. I don't wanna be bothered for 2weeks. I don't know what ima be like so I want my me-time n relaxing time.

I'm interested in this "relaxing time" you've planned with a newborn hehe

Ooh Loooooool cos I'm at mums she has made it clear I will be relaxing. Even if it's a few hours sleep n she will take him lol

Baby n relaxing are two things that don't mix too well lol